Should i end my life?

Question

i'm a big loser.

i'm 28, an electrical engineer (king geek) in a boring govt job, fit as can be but can't get a girl, and have few friends....meaning i'm a terribly unattractive person in some fundamental way beyond the superficial (easy to change) that i can't pin point

in terms of analogies, my hardware (physical self) is fine, my software (psychology) is all messed up

my last girlfriend dumped me without warning...she said i wasn't "attentive" enough and she was the best thing that ever happened to me..

i didn't cheat on her, i didn't lie...but she won't talk to me again because i suck.

i'm lost.

stuck in a career that i hate and that i worked my *** off to get into...

my grandfather was an illiterate goat herder, and was the first person from my clan to be born in a first world country. i wasted all of my opportunities...because i hate who i am.

Answer 1

First, I too am an engineer, so we share something in common.  Second, it is uncommon for an engineer to be so "melodramatic"?  

So, you have a less than challenging job and you have "problems" meeting the right girl.  Surely you realized that there are probably 50 to 100 million guys in the US that are more or less in the same situation as you.

What to do then?  Well, happiness is a state of mind.  Just decide to be happy, by looking at all the good things you have, high disposal income, good health, well educated and well respected (?) member of the community.  

To get out of your runt, I suggest the following:

1)  Buy a german 2 door convertible

2)  Join a popular gym, and exercise at least 4 X a week

3)  Spend 2000 USD on a new wardrobe

4)  Hire a dating consultant

Good Luck

Answer 2

One opinion:

To play self-murderer offends your grandfather.

If you are so geek-alienated, over-educated to the point of stress, your eternal soul would be better served by devolving to the level of a living goat-herder, or the modern equivalent (self-employed maintenance service).

You don't have to suffer that far a fall--for your grandfather's memory, keep what you've earned, and try to become more stable, less alienated, etc.

You are privileged to live in Canada, with a world-class level of quality of life.  The resources include various psychological helping modalities.

You may be experiencing a girl friend loss period of depression.  In that case, it passes--try to realize that.

Try reading, if your brain and focus level permit, "For Men Only," Shaunti Feldhahn, and "Soul Mates and Twin Flames," Elizabeth Clare Prophet.  These can clue you in to what is "attentiveness."

If your chemistry is more in need of balance, proceed with caution, as over-medication and even misdiagnosis is rife in some U.S.-Canadian psychotheraputic circles.

Here's a U.S. resource which you can rely on to provide local therapists and/or counselors who will not over-medicate:  1-800-232-6459 http://www.focusonthefamily.com

If you're Muslim, be aware that the above folks are more Christian-oriented; in that case, simply obtain the local reference numbers, call a few, and ask to be recommended to more Muslim-based counselors among their professional contacts, if you would prefer.

As for helping others in need, paying a poor tax or giving some small amount to a good, effective charity works.

As for opinion via your self-description, congratulations on working out and keeping fit; that's certainly a positive for personal emotional balance, healthy lifestyle, and so on.

However, feeling isolated, not meant to be, is an emotional dynamic arising from mental constructs reinforced by emotional dynamics--a feedforward cycle, which can be understood and gradually altered by a good therapist.

So begin by calling 1-800-232-6459 business hours M-F, ask for Counseling dept., tell your story, let them help.

If you are Muslim, "The Teachers of Gurdjieff," Rafael Lefort (a pen name for a Muslim Sufi), and "The Station of No Station," Henry Bayman, also about a Sufi master, may be worthwhile.  Also, "Man, Master of His Destiny" and "Hope for the World:  Spiritual Galvanoplasty," O. M. Aivanhov, and "The Path of the Higher Self," Mark Prophet, are worthwhile.

Answer 3

no dude

money and girls aint all there is to life (believe it or not)

everyone goes thru sh­it in they life,

doesnt mean its the end of the world

just be strong, give it time. thingsll get better.

Answer 4

I think the first thing you should do is to stop looking at yourself as a looser, the next thing you should do is to change your job even if it means less pay! you could even move away from the area to start a new beginning! Or why not join the defence force? with your qualifications you would do well in any area, Navy, Army, or Air force. Try it! you'll never look back! Have a great day!

Answer 5

Why don't you move home, mvoe work, move friends? Start over again? Why ending your life when you can start it? Find a job somwhere else,a  diferent country, a diferent city. Go to Europe, somewhere else. I'm sure change will bring happiness to your live, changes are always good. Think that you do have people that like and care about you, your not a loser! You worked to have a job, even if you don't like it you GOT ONE.

What would you like to work with?  

Answer 6

Nothing is ever bad enough that it has to be solved through suicide.

I think that suicide is for cowards, you only live once so you have to make deal with what you have.

There are people in this world with no job, no money, no family, no food and are suffering with illnesses, but they still carry on living, compared to these people, your life isn't bad, and definately not worth ending.

Im 19, im a trainee engineer, i dont have a boyfriend, id say im really unatractive, im not very fit, i have few friends, ad i pretty much hate who i am most of the time.

But im still here, however much sh*t life throws at me im carrying on because i (and you) are better than that, it would be such a waste if you threw your life away over this mate, i mean, from what youve just said, evryone gets like this sometimes! Just clear you head and don't make any rash decisions until your thinking straight!

Answer 7

You are so wrong I don't believe that you are so unattractive to the point that no one likes you.  A lot of females like intelligent men and find them stimulating. You just had a creep for a girlfriend and she has tried to damage you emotionally.  Get yourself a make over, change your hair, find new glasses and wardrobe.  Do not be afraid to explore, but do it for yourself - you will be surprised at what 1 little change could do for your self-esteem.  Do some volunteer or charity work and meet people.  People who do charity and volunteer work usually have big hearts and so much love to share they give it freely and treasure others.  Your ex-girlfriend is a creep and I hope she breaks her big toe!

Answer 8

Join the Army, Air Force, Navy! The structure and discipline will do you good. Otherwise, get back to university, or retrain as a fine artist! The world is your oyster, and oysters get eaten alive! Go on adult friend finder dot com for s*x to cheer you up!

Answer 9

No, every life has a value. I can relate to you physically, but there is hope for eternal life.

Answer 10

No one would want to be with someone who talks about himself as you do. You may think it's being honest, but that's because you are living out of the past in a poor light. We are magnificent beings in potentiality. Ask that to be show to you.

Answer 11

Jesus Christ is the answer, look for Him and He will give you the answers and the purpose of your life!

Answer 12

...thanks for sharing, hope you think positive in making a better life for yourself...cause no one else can do it for you...good luck...

Answer 13

You shouldn't end your life.

You don't sound like a big loser to me. A big loser is someone who doesn't have a job, isn't fit, has NEVER had a relationship to even know what it feels like to be dumped, and has no where to go in life.

You have a good job, you are educated, you've achieved your grandfather's American Dream (which is to see his offspring do better then him) and you have many opportunities to remake yourself.

So you hate your job. Get a new one. I know, I know, it's easy to say and hard to do, but you've already worked really hard for this career. You've achieved your goal. You don't need to do more. Save up some money and reinvent yourself - find something that you like better and do that instead.

As for the girlfriend - everyone has been dumped and felt insecure because they don't know what they are doing wrong. It hurts, and it makes you want to guard your heart more - essentially, you find it harder to trust. Trust me, that girlfriend was NOT the best thing that has ever happened to you. It sounds, actually, like she was a little self-centered (please...not "attentive" enough? Yuck.)

You are feeling lost which is why your thought are spiraling out of control. And you know it - "my software is all messed up." After all, right now what you are fighting is your emotional versus your intellectual side. Intellectually, you know that you are a highly educated person who is attractive enough to get girls and has a good career. You know that you can always change jobs and make new friends. But emotionally, all of these things are an emotional burden right now, and it's messing with you.

I would suggest that you create a list of everything good in your life. Not, this is not a pro-con list. It is positives ONLY. /kind of a "what am I thankful for." It will be hard, but I bet you can do it. Post it by your mirror and remind yourself daily about it.

If you find yourself feeling angry and frustrated by work, get yourself a life coach. I know, it sounds all new-agey, but they can help you dissect yourself and give you a new career direction to push in.

Third, go see a therapist. It sounds like you need someone to talk to about all of your issues. Since you don't have a close enough friend to do so with (and quite frankly, many people aren't good at dealing with their friends issues, anyways), a therapist will be a great help. Unburdening your problems on him or her and giving yourself a place to let and leave your emotions can be a wonderful thing.

And remember, it is not living that makes you a failure, but ending your life that does.

Answer 14

dude dont seek help  

Answer 15

no, you should not end your life.

if you hate your career, change it! that girl, she may have been the best thing that ever happened to you, but she is not the best thing that will ever happen to you.

maybe you need to start over.

move to a different place, get a new job, and remake yourself.

i had very few friends until i moved, then i realized that i hadn't been in a good place for me. you need a change of pace.

move somewhere that fits your personality.

if you want help figuring out what sort of place that would be, feel free to email me at [e-mail]

i have done a personality reading for many people and i could help you too

Blessed Be

and may your Ancestors guide you

Answer 16

I'm sure that anything I could think of to answer has already been said, so I'll just give you some good old-fashioned TLC. I'm sorry you're feeling shite. It sucks to be in such a morbid place in your life. But keep treading water and eventually you'll come out of it. Go and grab yourself some affection from somewhere...it'll help.  

Answer 17

There was a medical doctor who lived through the n**i concentration camps, and he noted that nobody in the camps had skin problems like acne, rashes, hives, etc.... They were in such desperate conditions that these reactions were suppressed by the survival instinct. Few people in developing countries complain about anxiety, depression and dissatisfaction with living. Congratulations, you have moved on to the disease of the affluent.

But seriously, I spent many years being very depressed and wanting to get off the treadmill in any way possible. But I received advice that I should ignore my feelings and concentrate on what I DO WITH MY TIME.

Depression is not cured by happy feelings, it is reduced by doing things to be healthy and to change out of my rut. If you can change your actions long enough (months or years) your depression will start to lift and maybe you can get a more rewarding job or a new girlfriend.

I wish you luck, and I hope that someday you can add defeating your negativity to the list of accomplishments your family has racked up over the generations. It sound like you are from good folks. You can make them proud and feel better about yourself if you concentrate on doing the best things for yourself and practice saying:

MY FEELINGS ARE NONE OF MY BUSINESS.

Answer 18

NO.

nononononono.

suicide is NEVER the answer.

if you hate your job, change it!

and maybe that girl just wasn't the right one...

:[

Answer 19

Please do not end your life.  We are given only one and it is a precious gift.  Sometimes life is so painful it does not seem so precious, but truly it is.  

I think you have two main problems.  The first is that you have a foot in two cultures and they make you feel split.  The second is a problem of the spirit.  You look on the difference between material wealth and material poverty and you can't figure out why you can't be happy when you have the good "things" of life, when others have not got those things and they seem happy.

I think when we look at the world and cannot see the things of the spirit then we are unhappy, for the world is full of much distress.

But when we come to the Lord God, who made us all, and begin to see through His eyes somewhat, then we can begin to understand

that there is the temporal and there is the eternal and we were made for eternity.

Our sufferings on earth are for a time only.  I would encourage you to read the Bible.  The Bible is the best and truest Holy book in the world.  It is the words of the Creator God of the World to us.  And He teaches us that we cannot find true happiness unless we find it first in Him.  He wants to be our shepherd, just as your grandfather was the shepherd of the goats.  Please read the book of the Psalms and

the Letter to the Hebrews.  Read the book of Genesis, also, and the for suffering ones, there is nothing that speaks to suffering more than the Book of Job.  You may write if you like and I will answer.

Maggie

Answer 20

Throw the dice again.  

Bad luck eventually goes away.

In the mean time do something interesting that you've never done before.  Get involved with others.  Try out for a part in a local theatre group.  Take a class in writing poetry at your local community college.  Read a book on Buddhism.  Take a trip in a place you have never ever been to that is the opposite of where you would normally pick.  Join a gym and work out at least three times a week, especially the aerobics exercises.  Take up handball for a sport.  Life is for living.

Answer 21

you sound like you have so much going for you

and life gets difficult

but in some way, somehow, you have affected someones life or at some point you will.

you may teach someone something that changes their life.

as far as pschology goes- seek therapy.

as far as girls go= there are 7 billion people in this world, and i am sure one of them is meant for you.

as far as career goes- quit it. find what youre passionate about and do that.

and think of the people who care for you who will spend the rest of their lives beating them selves up and they will all blame themselves for what you want to do.

dont end your life.

its worth living.

Answer 22

i dont have much friends and who cares the few friends i have are all i need and still if i didnt have anyone i love and respect myself to go on on my own. the worst thing that can happen to a human is think they are losers once you go there you will lose yourself. my advise is that yes more than one person will think you are a loser and perhaps you might not have friends but do you really want to remain a loser or start loving your self? is not up to me to say end your life or not, is up to you to start doing what you like, never please others man. as the saying goes you never know if to morrow is the best day of you life, but remember it can be the worst too so if you live through it theres no way you cant handle things to come.death will come sooner or later should you enjoy your life b4 it comes is up to you.

Answer 23

Man has a higher purpose for living than just trying to get a good job or find the right woman, though these things may seem necessary. But as you have already discovered, they don't bring lasting happiness.

Notice the creation. Everything that moves has a purpose for which its design works. No two things are exactly alike. We are most satisfied when we discover how we fit in to the Creator's overall economy - and when we realize, based on the law of cause and effect, that the cause of our being here has to be greater than ourselves - and worthy of discovery.

Answer 24

That's just about how everybody feels about themselves, doesn't help when they compare themselves with another seemly "successful" person.

Dude, you're 28. Don't settle down just yet. I know I can't really say much about careers because I lack experience in that, but I do know the kind of problem you are going through.

Pretty much, it's a phase in which one feels hopeless when they find that they can not do much change to oneself, either good or bad. You, sir, are focusing mainly on a limited good changes. But think to yourself, what other "bad" changes could happen to me?

With your mindframe, you will find that you will have nothing to lose. Does that mean that you are a loser? No, that just means that you are instinctly yearning for change. You are still young, naturally you are going to want to explore beyond.

So think to yourself, you're not old yet, don't settle down yet. Save up, get a ticket around the world, quit the job, explore, and see if there's anything else you want to pursue.