Should i ever meet my birth father?

Question

my birth father beat my brth mother to try and kill me, he told her if she dident put me up for adoption that someone was gona find her head in one place and her body in a nother. When my parents try and email questions to him about my famil history he doesnt reply to them and if i make a new email and say hi to him on it he says hi back. Should i ever meet him or leave him alone?

Answer 1

iz ur mom dead

i think that for ur own safety isz not healthy to go and look for him if he already threathen to kill ur mom and u its not safe u should wait until HES ready and then HE apologizes to you and the stuff he said its not up to u to do that as a minor. well thats what i think if u think and ur parents think its good 2 u should go and tell him that u forgive him but u should go with someone NEVER alone maybe w/ a couple of friends or w/ ur parents or an adult u trust

HOPE DIS HELPS

Answer 2

Do you want to meet him?  As his daughter you have all the right in the world to meet him.  I don't think you should meet him by yourself.  If you go make sure you take someone with you or meet him in a public place where there are lots people around.

Answer 3

My mom went through the same c**p when she was pregnant with me.He also made her have s*x with 3 of his friends at gunpoint.She kept me and has loved me.Never has shown any kind of regret & i am now 34 yrs old & have my own family.I hold alot of hate for that man,even though I should not hold a grudge.I have never met him,& plan to keep it that way because if he wanted to meet me,he would have already tried.I think the best thing to do is go on with the life that you are blessed with now.If he wants to meet you he will try on his own.

Answer 4

sounds like to me you would be better off not knowing him as he doesn't sound like a very nice person. Sounds like he might like to meet you and may be play some mind games with you. I can understand you wanting to meet him and wanting to ask him some questions about why he treated your birth mother the way he did and won't answer your parents questions. Be prepared for not getting any straight answers from him. If you do decide to meet him, don't go alone and don't let him know where you live

Answer 5

no i think it would be best if you dont, i mean mabey one day you guys can have lunch or something in public if he seems nice but i wouldnt meet him at his house just in case also mabey you might not because he seems pretty rude and you would be safer and probably happier if you dont

Answer 6

Oh My, Honey, I'm really sorry!

Maybe you could try meet your mother first.

Get to know your birth father first well through the email.

When you do meet him, make sure it is at a public place with lots of people in daylight. Bring along your adopted father and/or mother, or a strong male to come along with you, incase your birth father decides to do something to you.

Good Luck Hun!

x

Answer 7

yes but you might want to have a police officer with you

Answer 8

I don't know how old you are, but if he did this to a grown woman and killed her, I doubt that you would feel safe being around him alone. I feel so bad for you, that your father would try and do that. Did you not say he was trying to kill you? Why would you want to go see a person like that alone? This isn't a "Why would ya do that?" kind of question it's a question like "What makes you want to see him?" Ask yourself,"Do I want to see him?" or do you just want to know if you should? Because if you ask me, I would never feel truly safe with a man that tried to kill me years before. Even if he has changed his personality, I'm not sure he changed his mind...

Answer 9

Think clearly as to why you want to meet him and what would be the outcome of such a meet.What would you like to do there after?Let emotions not affect your thinking.Meeting him just because he your real birth father is a weak emotional desire and not a rational decision.Instead,search for your mother and try to meet her.She deserves the effort and you owe it to her.Test your own free will and act wisely.

Answer 10

Yes, I believe it would be a good thing, for you to meet

and visit with your birth father, because ''he is your blood

father".

Sometimes couple don't get along, but you might be

surprised at how your ''birth" father could get along with

you.

Maybe he had a fear or a problem at the time, and it

was such a ''pressure on him" that he was unable to

handle the circumstances at the time. I have seen this

in several other families.

Perhaps he will share some family history information

with you, once he ''sees you" and knows you are "for real".

And perhaps his education isn't so that he can ''relate to

others" very well.

The situation with him, is for you to try and understand, and

not be ''judgemental'' because he probably won't treat you

the same as he did your mother...

Take the relationship on a slow basis, and perhaps it might

be one that might be a lasting one.

Answer 11

Probably just leave him alone.  Why put your birth mother thru all that again?

Answer 12

You may want to ask yourself the following...

What do you think is missing from your life that you feel the need/urge to take one second out of your day to put effort into meeting this psycho moron?

I think you even asking this question says more about YOU than him.  

I'm not trying to be mean - I really want you to think about it for awhile...think long and hard.

Answer 13

If you do meet him be prepared for potential pain and heartache.  It sounds like he's not in a place where he can handle being a parent...even an uninvolved one...with grace and maturity.

If I were you, I'd consider going to a counselor & using the counselor for a sounding board and emotional support.  If you choose to meet him, make an appointment within a day or two afterward with your counselor so you can talk about what happened & how you feel about it.

I'm sorry that he dealt with your mom being pregnant so poorly.  I'm sure that it's a painful thing for you.

Answer 14

Soudns to me like he's not worth it. But its up to you, if your really curious you should.

Answer 15

You have "real" parents who care for you. Why would you want to meet an abuser who has no interest in you whatsoever? He may be your biological father, but other than that, it seems to me, he is a complete stranger to you. Let it go. Keep away and don't let him disturb your peace.

Answer 16

yer u shouldd because he is your father and your own blood

Answer 17

do you really wnat to meet w/ somone who tried to kill you and your mother?

honey he doesnt desrve to  meet you, you are a blessing, and probably much better off w/o him...

Answer 18

That all depends on you. The thing is that your real parents and your birthmoter love you endlessly and as hard as it is to face the fact that another family member, your birth father doesnt feel for you it's OKAY, because everyone else is supportive. (i know how you feel a relative is nasty to me) I also want to warn you that if he was abusive to your mother, to be careful around him if you do decide to meet up with him. BEST OF LUCK:)

Answer 19

You figure it out,look what you wrote.

The guy is an  a s s  for beating your mom,he should have been put in prison and become someones little bytch.

I would not give that man the time of day,he has a violent temper and sounds like a jerk.

Anyone can make a baby ,even an azz hole but it takes a special person to be a dad and it sounds like he could never fit that part.

You would get more love and attention  from a gold fish than you would from him.

Answer 20

I don't think I'd want to meet a man who didn't want me and beat my mother. I am adopted and know my birth Mother, she is a great person and I'm greatful she did ( could have not had a better life ) but I wish I would have just let it alone.

Answer 21

It depends on what you want but try to give him a chance to make it right and explain to him how you feel about the whole situation and hear his part and try to build a relationship from there.

Answer 22

Yes you should ( may be you don't know the whole version of the situation), and it will help you a lot in your life, you don't have to keep in touch with him, you can see him somewhere for a minute.

but you don't have too, if you don't want or don't feel you are ready yet. Take your time and don't rush into anything

Answer 23

dont go see him he wanted to kill you duh!!!!!!!

Answer 24

he sounds like a horrible person but you are his child ...im sure he would like to be friends with you but cant reach out to you...put yourself in his position. i couldnt  talk to them first /them knowing im such a crappy person.i think you should try to be friends with him but hes not your father you have parents that love you....if anything i think you should talk to him because right now you have an option ..once he dies you have no option and thats somthing youl always have to live with...i think it would realy bother me if i never met one of my parents..im sorry

Answer 25

the first instict is to say no,but as an adopted person myself i know what it is like to need to see where you come from. it may be of big help for you just to meet your father once ,but it sounds lke he does not want to anyway.or perhaps he does but feels too guilty?.i would suggest you enlist the help if social services to assist you in this.,. ask a Social Worker or adoption counsellor to make contact with him via letter,and if he does agree to meet,then i would suggest it is in a public place,and do not tell him your address or anything,if you have not already.i feel that once you have met him,you can move on with your life.whether you continue to meet or not,at least you have seen him,and can lay things to rest.i met my birth parents 8 years ago. my father is a nice enough guy,but he does not keep in touch,and does not thank me for cards,gifts,etc. i am sad,but still glad i have met him.,but i appreciate i have a great dad anyway who raised me.but i understand your need to meet him!.

Answer 26

NO it is not safe at all just be happy with the relatives you already have and i am very sorry to hear this :*(

Answer 27

Leave it alone.  He has already proved what type of person he is.  If you want heath history and he will reply to your questions, fine.  Otherwise, I would not bother meeting him.  Believe me, I know from experience, sometimes it is better left unsaid or in this case, undone.

Answer 28

that is a question everyone needs to answer for themself. just because he may be "your own blood" doesnt nessisarily mean he is a good person who shares your values, obviosly you value life a lot more than he does. if i was in your position, i would just leave him alone. its better to live your life free of the stress this situation may cause. i say go on with your life and only let people in your life who share your own values.

Answer 29

Some parents are really young when they become pregnant, I'm sure that they put you up for adoption to ensure a better life for you. However what your father said is harsh and for you to even know that he said any of that is a shame. Give both your mother and your father a chance after all they did what they thought was best for everyone including YOU!

Answer 30

Coming from a home where my birth parents raised us through mental, emotional and sexual abuse, I know that "parents" is not at all a biological title, but an emotional one.

If the parents who adopted you have raised you with so much love, why is there a need to connect with your birth father? He could cause you more psychological damage than provide love.

I know you might be curious about him, but sometimes curiosity is best left unanswered. Sometimes the best thing to do is be simply grateful for what you do have.  I sometimes wish I was adopted and didn't know that my parents were cruel perverts so that I would've grown up much more "normal". But now I focus on the love I receive from friends and they have become my family despite the absence of blood relations.

Answer 31

To be honest i know i would want to meet my father if i didnt know him. Theres always two sides to every story(sometimes more lol) so you should hear him out and get to know him. maybe he has found christ and wants to live a better life.