Should i fire my maidron of honor?

Question

long story short. i was suppose to be married this time last yr but we postponed the wedding (i had cold feet) two wks before the date. needless to say, all the girls bought their dresses already. my maidron of honor has been my friend for over 12 yrs. we havent seen each other since i cancelled the wedding. since the cancelling of the wedding, i was always the one that was reaching out to her. not the other way around. and EVERYTIME we spoke, she would always get calls and puts me on hold FOREVER. i KNOW she's not mad at me for cancelling. she actually commend me for doing so.

anyway, 2 months ago i called to give her the good news that we're getting married again. she had another call and put me on hold AGAIN! when she came back on I told her it's impossible for us to talk w/o any interruptions on her end. she said she'll call me back. that was two months ago. i sent her a text last wk asking her to call me so i can fill her in on my wedding info. havent heard from her.

my question is, should i fire her as my MOH since...

1. havent seen her since i cancelled wedding

2. can't even talk to her on phone and it was always me calling her

3. tried calling her and texting her about wedding details and havent heard back after she said she'll call me back after our first conversation.

Answer 1

I think she's fired you my dear.  Some people aren't very good with confrontation and it seems that she is not interested in having you as a friend much less being a part of your wedding.  Find someone else.

Answer 2

should you fire her? no, she fired you!

i think she is not interested in doing all that MOH stuff and you just getting cold feet again?!

and btw did you pay for their dresses or did they ... cause i imagine maybe she'd be pretty pissed if you made her buy a dress and then it was a waste

Answer 3

You will (hopefully) only get married once.  

I almost had to fire mine but she finally got her act together.

You will want someone in your wedding that you will be happy to remember having been there...Someone who will support you and work to make this hectic time easier on you.  Not someone who will cause more issues than they help resolve...

Answer 4

Ummm.First, the word is "Matron of honor" and second, I have to ask - are you calling her AT WORK during the day because you say she puts you on hold. Maybe this is the case and she is unpolitely letting you know that your calls are coming at an inconvenient time and place.

As you also say, she has already bought her dress and spent a lot of cash. Your question points out very clearly to other brides that it is important to be CERTAIN of your commitment before setting a date, and to choose your attendants carefully. Personally, I think you have a moral obligation to keep her as Matron of Honor but you could call her one evening or send her a note and explain the situation nicely, tell her you appreciated her support last year when you were going through your wee nervous stage and that you still want her by your side this time BUT you need to get together really soon. EDIT: You are now saying you aren't getting married until NEXT June so maybe she is a bit embarrassed to be thinking "I wonder if it will really take place this time" and is avoiding that conversation. I still think you should write a snail mail letter, apologize for her past inconvenience and expense and tell her you really need to meet up. I wouldn't be cancelling out  a 12 year friendship just yet because things could very well change - again - by February or March of next year!

Answer 5

Well there is something that your friend is telling you but apparently you would prefer her to just "say it". From her behaviour it's clear that she doesn't want to be in the wedding. It's hard to say why because as you said she is not mad at you for cancelling the wedding prior. There is nothing you can do if she is not communicating with you. I would just email her and let her know that because of (all of the reasons you mentioned above) she has proven to be unreliable at this point and the wedding has to go on. It's unfortunate in wedding somebody's feeling is always hurt but you just have to do what works for you and the majority. Congrats.........all the best!

Answer 6

I'm gettng married in April, and my MOH would never do that to me! ur MOH should be there for the wedding planning to and to help with the parties etc.....   That i the responsibiity of a MOH!   I wouldnt exactly kick her out of the wedding, just explain to her that the MOH is supposed to be there for you through everything and she isnt.  So ask her politely if she would just be a bridesmaid and chose someone else for your MOH!   there is alot of planning and stress in a wedding and it's will be be 10 times more stressful i ur MOH isnt helping at all!!

Hope this helps!

Answer 7

First off, you can't "fire" anyone in your bridal party because that would imply that at one point you had hired them.

That said, you don't need to ask her not to be your MOH, a new wedding means you can have a whole new bridal party. If anything, you should maybe reask the others that you still want involved.

Your MOH is suppose to be a source of support for you throughout the entire wedding process. It seems that your friend is just too busy for that task.  

Answer 8

Honey, it is your wedding, and you can do whatever you want. It is your special day. If you do not want her, tell her. Nothing wrong with that.

Answer 9

well my advice to you is just replace her. you gave her a chance to respond and she choose not to, thats not your fault. its your wedding you should have who you want as you m.o.h. and just enjoy your wedding! hope this helped =)

Answer 10

IF she said so or not I guess she is upset at the money she put into your wedding that was canceled. You didn't hire her to be your maid of honor you ask her. And in good faith she spent money and time on your wedding. You should offer to pay her back for all the expense she put into a wedding that didn't happen. She may be too busy with work or she may be wary of putting more time and money into your wedding again.

You have known her for 12 years. Do you think it is worth your time to get in touch with her (not at work) and clear the air?  

Answer 11

She's angry with you about something.  Besides her dress, what else had she paid for before the wedding was postponed?  Plane tickets?  In other words - she may be angry because being in your wedding was a financial hardship for her, but she was glad to do it anyway; then when it was canceled so close to the actual date she probably felt like you and your fiance should have known a lot earlier that you weren't ready to get married.

You can try talking to her but honestly, the only thing I would do at this point is send her a letter (a REAL one, snail mail) that says you can tell she doesn't want to be part of the wedding so you're going to release her from last year's promise to be in the wedding and have someone else instead.

She knows she's out and if she wants to talk, it's on her from now on.

Answer 12

Unless you are prepared to end the friendship, then no, you should not fire your matron of honor.

Maybe her life is hectic right now, and she doesn't have the time and/or inclination to deal with your drama.  Talk to her, maybe she has something going on in her life that she'd like your support to help her through.  If you do fire her, you must refund all money she has spent on attire for your wedding.

It sounds like you and your fiancee have some drama issues, perhaps she just doesn't know how to deal with it.

Answer 13

She hasn't called back in two months?  It sounds to me like you don't need to fire her because she has already quit.   The friendship is very one sided and it sounds as though you wouldn't have her there to offer support anyway.

Find someone else to take her place and perhaps send her an invitation.

Good luck.

Answer 14

Tell your male best friend the situation and ask him to be your "honor person".  If your other friend calls you back before the wedding to find out what's going on, tell her.  If she is upset that you didn't include her, you might want to find a spot for her in the wedding.  This is your day.  Make your plans with the people you love and who love you.  Maybe she doesn't want to be in the wedding at all anymore.  

Answer 15

Don't be too hasty on ending your friendship with her or "Firing" her as your MOH.  I had a similiar situation, but it boiled down to my friend having some personal issues that she has since gotten over (they did last for several years btw).  We are just as good of friends as we were in high school now.

True friends have their ups and downs as they enter different stages of life at different times.  Cut her a little more slack and see how it plays out.  

You have several more months before you have to start doing anything that would involve her and the other brides maids.  Since they have their dresses, you are all set.

Answer 16

It kind of depends on some things.

One, have to tried to arrange a face-to-face? You know, she could actually be really busy herself and just doesn't have the time right now. But  a lot of people are more willing to set aside face-to-face time. Try that, and if it fails, then consider asking her to step down. But maybe after you have an actual lunch with her, you guys will be able to work everything out.

When is your wedding? If it's a few months away, just keep her because she already has the dress and is probably expecting to front all the costs for your wedding. If it's 6 months to a year away still, then consider asking her to step down if you try to arrange a meeting with her and it fails.

However, in all honesty, if you guys are simply just not close anymore, and you feel this other person is truly the one you want standing next to you while you get married, then by all means, call this girl up, arrange a meeting and simply say, "I'm really sorry, but a lot has changed in a year, and as tough as a decision this is, I have to go with my heart, and I would really like so-and-so to be my MOH." Decide if you want her in the wedding party at all (you might want to if she has the dress. If not, offer to help her sell the dress, or ask her to donate it to someone else in the wedding party. Just be as helpful as you can. Remember, your wedding party attendants are not supposed to be your slaves.

You need to do what you feel is right, though. Just  take everything into consideration when you make your choice.