Should i forget the past and forgive her?

Question

me and my mum fell out a few months ago because i had a crappy childhood and she refused to accept she had made mistakes,

we are both as stubborn as each other and since we haven't spoken i have fallen into deep depresion (for other reasons) but out of the blue today i got a text from her sayin she misses me and wants me to go see her, i have no idea what to do i miss her so much an do want to see her but i'm scared i'll get hurt again, i don't have my dad in my life nor do i want him in it but mum's a different story.

even if i did go see her what do i say?

please please help me i'm so confused!

has anyone else been in this situation?

Answer 1

Think about your good qualities and realize they are a result of your childhood good or bad.  Maybe you're more sensitive to others, or maybe your instincts about people are good.

Forgiving is not only meant to make her feel better, but it is also a way for you to let go of your resentment and live without the fear.  It means leaving the hurt behind and accepting that she may make more mistakes because that's who she is.

Make peace with her for your own sake.

Answer 2

you should go see her.when you go don't get hung up on the old stuff and please accept who she is and not hold expectations of her then you won't set yourself up for ant additional heart ache.good luck

Answer 3

stop trying to make her accountable for the crappy childhood its in the past and apologizing is not going to make it better or go away.  You can't live in the past.   If you want to have a relationship with her you need to put the past behind you. You should forgive, all parents make mistakes. Some of us have crappy childhoods, some don't, some only think they do.   Do not expect perfection.  Just get in touch say hello and things will fall into place.  Leave the past in the past don't bring it up.  If she does just say, never mind that let's live for today. You can't let a crappy childhood rule the rest of your life or you will have a crappy life.

Answer 4

A person who won't accept any responsibility for a relationship gone bad is not a good bet. After all, none of us are perfect. But she is your Mom.

You don't say what the issues are between you. But it is usually possible to have some kind of relationship without wading out into really dangerous territory. Only allow her to have the kind of contact with you which will not be a problem - boundaries. So, for instance, if she's taken advantage of you financially in the past, you have a staunch rule that you will not give her money ever, for any reason. If she tends to become verbally abusive, give her a warning up front that, if it starts, you will leave immediately. Then do so. No hysterics. Just leave if she begins to create a problem.

I hope that you will be able to have some kind of relationship with her, because you obviously need it. Just remember to take control and set the boundaries you need. But you can still give her a hug.

Answer 5

Stop talking about the mistakes she's made and get on with your lives as two adults. Mothers aren't perfect, and neither are children. It could be that your Mother didn't have a very good example to learn from or had other problems. Your alive and well. Be glad your Mother is still around. As long as she is not abusive, go see her.

Answer 6

call her she is obviously sorry and wants to see u again wats the point in punishingu both any longer

Answer 7

Yes.  My mom and were best friends and then she passed away due to suicide, and I cannot to this day forgive myself. I miss her everyday and I wish that I could go back and change everything.  Your mom is the best thing, even if she did mess up, people mess up and people make mistakes, forgiving is a gift that we are given and forgiving your mom is number one.  What if something happens to her? trust me its a horriable feeling.

Answer 8

Don't stress about it.  Just go over and try to stay calm.  Tell her you miss her and want her to be a part of your life.  

Answer 9

Speaking from experience, go see her. Hug her and forgive her.  Parents can die in a heartbeat and then it's too late to make up.  We all depend on our mothers and fathers to sacrifice their younger lives so that they can provide for us, then we suddenly come to the age that we know everything and they know nothing.  We fight and argue with them, move out, ignore them, and the first thing you know, you will get a phone call from someone that you probably don't even know telling you that they are dead.  GO SEE YOUR Mother while you can!