Should i forgive my father?

Question

I have an extremely complicated life with my biological father. First of all, i was raised by a man(who is not me "real" father) He adopted me when i was 2 years old, and i love him more than anything in the world. The problem is him and my mother decided not to tell me i had a diff. father until i was 16 years old. Even though i already had a loving father, i wanted to find my real dad, not just to meet him but to see if i had brothers or sisters and meet my grandparents.You can never have too much family. But when i found him, he was incarcerated across the country and i had to meet my father between glass at the prison. He was let out about 1 year after we met, for that whole year we kept in touch thru letters and phone calls. After he got out we still kept in touch, he promised he was doing better and was off drugs. Then 3 months ago, he was arrested for B&A and drug charges. 2 days before my wedding. He lied the whole time about how finding me changed his life?

Answer 1

he's alwayz gonna b ur dad...& he lied 2 others 2 i bet so just try 2 forgive him 1st but forgive urself 4 finding him if u regret it

Answer 2

I think you need to keep him out of your life.  Having people like that around can be a drain on you, both emotionally and financially (at some point he will ask you for money).  Just be happy to have your new found grandparents and brothers.

Answer 3

I disagree with "Duck Man".

Yes your dad is your dad, but you barely know this man.  He is you biological father, but you already have a father.  He raised you and he loves you, and he helped make you the person you are today.

If you want to have a relationship with you new family, you should, but don't make yourself forgive someone just because you share some DNA.  

Your biological father will likely never fully change, so you need to decide whether you can accept him for who he is, or whether you would be better off without him.

Answer 4

You can't change the way he is, you have another dad who loves you as his own daughter. So, i guess if your biological dad wants to be part of your life, let him be else don't stress yourself about it. Beside, you found your brothers and grandparents, so be happy about it, let him be the way he is, people hardly change unless they want to themselves.

Answer 5

I guess his past is the reason you werent told about him. I am sorry that this didnt work out like you hoped. I hope you will maintain contact with your new family but leave him out of it. I cant imagine what good could come from staying in touch with him. As for forgiving. Yes forgive and let it go. But forgiving doesnt mean forgetting. I have done it many times in my life but i don't let myself get reinvolved in the same messy things. You can move on. It just takes time. Take care

Answer 6

Your Father is always your Father...you have found him...now it is time to say goodbye..you need peace of mind..you are getting married, you have found your grandparents and siblings..go on with your life. You apparently have a mother and step Dad that love you and support you..anyone can be your biological Dad but there is just one person here who seems to have been your Dad..respect him!

Answer 7

why would you consider keeping contact with him?

Is there any feelings you have for him ?

You must accept he will never change and he is what is.

Answer 8

your dad's your dad...

Answer 9

your father is the man who raised you not the one who helped conceive you.  you have a good father  ( your step dad); how does he feel about this new relationship?  a drug addict will never be cured.  there is nothing to forgive.  you will always think about him; you can't help that. ask yourself,  would you want your children knowing him or your step dad as their grandparents. be happy with your new life and new family.  good luck