Should i get divorced or try to work it out with husband?

Question

my husband treated me badly while we were engaged..he cheated on me, lied several times, was talking to different girls while we were engaged..i found out about it later after we were married and cant get it off my mind..we have tried counseling, church, etc. and he talked to me about it a few times after i had to practically beg him to tell me what i needed to know.. but now, he isnt understanding about how hurt i am that he cheated for a whole year. i am thinking of divorce because i just cant handle the fact that he did this to me..or is there anything else i can try to make it work? should i try to make it work?

Answer 1

Quote " Should I try to make it work ? "

Hello, why would try to make it work, he was the one who cheated on you and this is not a one time thing ! He's clearly having a relationship with the other woman.

Besides, lets say you take him back (persay) can you honestly say that you'll be able to trust him again 100%. Wouldn't you be worried of him cheating again ? He cheated on you for a reason so very unlikely he is going to say " OK honey, I am done with the cheating now because I've had enough s*x with the other woman " Once a cheater always a cheater and two: if you do forgive him, you're a fool because he knows he will probably get away with it the second time. He's going to take you even more for granted

Wake up !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Answer 2

If he cheated and lied to you once, he will do it again. You can try a marriage counselor but I doubt it would help much.

Answer 3

Wow people like you really need help.

Answer 4

It all depends if you look beyond his vices, if you truly want him back. Just try to find 10 reasons why you want him back. If you finish 10, maybe you stand a shot of getting back.

Answer 5

Well, if counseling and things like that have not worked, go for the divorce.  I know it will be really rough but you can do it. He lied to  you and you deserve to be treated better than that... Do you have a way to support yourself and do you have a place to go?  Speak to an attorney and get the process going... Good luck to you!

Answer 6

I believe you need to give yourself time. One rule I stay by is never act when your angry, and that's what i'd advise you to do as well. Give yourself some time to let it all sink in, and let yourself process everything that has been going on.

When you've done that, you need to decide if you want it to work. Clearly the man has wounded your heart severely, is it so great you cannot forgive him?  I think only you can answer this question

Answer 7

WELL IM GONNA HAVE TO AGREE WITH WHAT EVERYONE ELSE IS SAYING LEAVE HIM! ONCE A CHEATER ALWAYS A CHEATER.

Answer 8

You don't sound happy right now, so maybe consider a separation to get yourself straightened out. I completely understand. Does he want to work it out? Is he happy with the way things are going between the two of you? Talk to him about this and ask as many questions as you need to. If he doesn't want to talk then that should be a red flag. Only you can decide in the end.

Answer 9

Gosh, what a question for the Answers forum!

You do not say how long you have been married, how long you dated or the circumstances of the cheating and the "talking" to different girls - which, these days, seems to hold more meaning than talking I am familiar with.

Those are important things because there has to be a foundation, you know, something solid to cling to when the waters get rough.  You have to assess for yourself whether the marriage has the necessary things to make a strong marriage going forward.  

It is telling that he seems to have given you a time limit for your hurt.  In my mind, for your own sanity, you would have to set an internal limit for grief and anger, but hurt may be hard to stifle. Are you supposed to simply get over and on with it?  It is not his prerogative to set those limits for you.  It also does not bode well that something HE has done ... he feels free to say enough with being hurt.

Now some things for you.  You have to stop begging him for details.  It won't make you feel any better and the details won't make your marriage one bit better.  I would go get some counseling of my own.  I would want to know how to deal with the grief of betrayal, how to reconstruct my marriage in light of the new... circumstances.  Most importantly, I would want to have help with my self esteem and deciding what is first best for me.  Without a strong you, there can't be such a great "we".  

While your husband should do every thing possible to try to reassure you about him, your marriage, and how great you are (because he broke it and has to be the one to fix it), this cannot be sustained forever without a little pushback.

Think things over and come up with a new game plan for you and "we".  What arwe you gonna need to make things right and how long do you think it will take?  Write it out.  Discuss it then with him.  Meanwhile go get a counselor for yourself.

If you go to him and he has put up a stop sign and is unwilling to go forward with the process of getting well in your marriage, you will have your answer about continuing or ending the marriage.  Who can go on with a person telling you to get over and on with it when they have breached a fundamental of the relationship.  Trust.

Good luck.  Think hard and clear, do not forget your needs,  Get impartial help with you.

Answer 10

Go for it

I dont think he deserves someone like you

But you should have known better,you could seen the warning signs if there were any.

But it would be better if you took proffesional help.Tell them everything uve experienced.

Answer 11

well i know u r upset but my opinion is what has he done since u have been married has he been faithful cause if so that is what counts maybe he was nervous and getting it out of his system or maybe he was just being a dog. I believe that marraige is tied by God himself and if he cheats after u r married he doe not respect you or the Law of the Bible. So u should leave and let the Lord deal with him. But if he hasnt you need to talk to someone so you can let it go. cause if u keep workin on that u r gonna chase him away, girl KEEP YOU HEAD UP

Answer 12

well i am not going through the best of times either and my husband is caring with other people but not at all soft with me.

If i was you i would get out i feel once the respect has gone you have nothing, and its just being brave to move on.

if he was sorry for the affairs then you can work on it because he is saddend by his actions but he quite clearly is not.

Answer 13

In all honesty i don't know what your doing with him. i can understand that you love him, but you really deserve better then that. You should have filed for a divorce the second you heard.

The only way i can see this working out, is it your husband begs and pleads you to stay and is willing to do anything to make things right.

I personally believe that men and women alike that cheat are worse then scum, because they know that theres someone out there that loves them but they still wanna hurt them by sleeping with someone else.

Divorce him, you deserve better.

I hope your ok.

Answer 14

No, get the divorce. You shouldn't have married him.

Answer 15

don't get a divorce cheat on him and y'all will be evan then go from there see how he likes it when the shoe is on the other foot i am 25 year old male that's what i would want other that her to leave me as long as she came back and only did it once to get back at me unless you dont love  him as much as u thank you do than leave him but i would cheat on him first to show him how it feels

Answer 16

No end it, honestly that man has done a lot of damage to you, it seems you have tried a lot of things to fix it, and it seems he does not understand, so i think its better if you move on, it will be sad for a while, but also a relief.

Answer 17

Once a cheater, always a cheater. He may stop for a little bit but will eventually go back to his old games. Divorce this fool before he makes a fool out of you, again.  

Answer 18

DIVORCE!!! SAME OLE SAME OLE WITH THESE TYPES!