Should i give him another chance?

Question

me and my bf have been together for 5 yrs, last nite he went out and hasnt came back home yet. We both had to work this morning but he is still drinking and spent all his money. We are living at my moms house because last month he went out and spent our rent money so we got evicted. Ive supported us and our 2 kids for the last 2 yrs, going as far as prostituting myself when we were short on cash. I dont know if i should leave him r not because i feel sorry for him. His mom passed away when he was little and his dad doesnt talk to him, so he has no one and has nowhere to go. I need some advice should i continue to try and work it out for the kids r just leave him.

Answer 1

I was in a similar situation. Me and my boyfriend were living with my mom until I realized you can't help someone who doesn't want to be helped. We were together for 2 years and he had no family and hardly no friends. I had to realize that he was destroying my future because he wanted to waste his life by getting high all the time. And when I finally left him, I felt so free. It was the best feeling after all that drama he was putting me through. He was crying saying that he was going to change and I didn't drop a tear because I had cried enough. This was 2 years ago and he still doesn't have his life together. Now imagine where I would be if I would've stayed in that. My life would be ruined because of him. All you have to do is get back on your feet without him and focus on you and your kids. I will be praying for you and your family. God Bless!

Answer 2

Dear My Dear:

You have backed yourself in a corner--psychologically, not literally.  It sounds as if your bf of 5 years could be having some other issues that may need to be addressed.  Perhaps a hidden addiction?  Does he gamble, does he smoke?  These are questions and signs of addictive behavior.

What to do?  Do not badger, yell, or threaten him but instead because he has had no maternal guidance or very little--tell him you are speaking to him as a "friend" not lover or mother of his children.  Advise him that what you now see are clear signs of trouble.  Do not accuse or make accusations--simply ask him: Do you have a drug problem?  What is happening in his life that is so awful that he can actually justify remaining out all night instead of being home with family and the people that love and need him the most?  Tell him that you forgave the last episode which involved losing the housing for the children--but not this!

Call a relative or a friend--and seek shelter with your children-FAST!  He will try to sweet talk you, lie to you, manipulate you, he may even get angry and threaten you-IGNORE him!  Tell him that your children come first, not his desires to have fun and be irresponsible.

Tell him until he can get help so that you understand what has led to these events and can share with you whats wrong, you will be residing "elsewhere" with his family.

And don't just threaten him--DO IT!

Go to court and seek immediate child support--because it sounds like he will not give anything if "authorities" are not involved.  YOU--continue to work, tell your children that daddy has a problem and that you all still love him but you want daddy to get better first before they can all live together again.  But everyday encourage and support your children--their wellbeing now hangs in the balance.  You also continue to work hard and smart, utilize and don't waste resources as this will be difficult--even though you managed to keep afloat for 2 years.  Try to fit school into your schedule if only to earn certification in something that can stabalize your career choices.

Do what needs to be done to secure you and your children's future.  Lead by example--not words!

Good luck!

Answer 3

leave-or kick him out, hopefully that wakes him up and get his act together

Answer 4

I think you already know the answer to that question.  Does this man really care about you knowing that you have already prostituted yourself to take care of what you BOTH created and he still went to the bar and spent all your money?  Moreover, WHERE THE h**l WAS HE ALL NIGHT?  You sound like a strong person and you need to take care of you and your kids and leave this man behind.  His mom passing and his dad not talking to him is no excuse to give his children the same kind of life he had.  He's messing them up the same as he was just in a different way.  I hope you make the right decision for you and your family.  As far as the prostitution (you know I was going there lol)  I don't judge you for that.  You had to do what you felt you had to do to support your kids but sweetie, you prolly coulda found something a little better than that decision.  I wish I knew you because you sound like you need a good friend.  Good luck in all you do and remember that inevitably this relationship will prolly end anyway.  Get over the pain now before baby #3 comes in.

Answer 5

You have gone above and beyond what

most woman would do to help their man.

After all you have done for your bf,

staying with him simply because

you feel sorry for him, is not

reason enough to continue in

such a destructive relationship.

Living this way surely can't be good

for your self-esteem, and no doubt

it is very harmful to  your children

as well since they are being forced

to live as nomads, instead of being

raised in a stable home environment.

Despite all of his problems, your bf

is still considered to be a grown man.

Unfortunately, he is not behaving like one.

And-

regardless of what you might  think-

Staying with him for the sake of the kids

is REALLY not helping the kids.  

Your children would be much better off

being raised in a stable home with

one loving parent,  

than in an unstable home with two parents-

esp in the circumstance you have described.

Your children must always be your first

priority because you are all they have

to depend on, and you are their

only role model.

Remember-

Children live what they learn.

Answer 6

It sounds like he has problems and is dragging you all down with him. Do you want your kids to see you arrested for prostitution next time? Do you want your kids to see their dad drunk all the time? Do you want your kids taken away because you won't be able to support them while in jail, or while he's out on a bender? Do you want your kids left with him while you're at work and he winds up passing out, leaving them to fend for themselves?

Everyone has problems in life. Everyone finds their way of dealing with it. You can't make him change, you can't fix him. He has to be willing to fix himself.

Edit: Listen to Queen Ne - the best example is someone who's been there.