Should i have my MOH step down?

Question

long story short. i was suppose to be married this time last yr but we postponed the wedding (i had cold feet) two wks before the date. needless to say, all the girls bought their dresses already. my matron of honor has been my friend for over 12 yrs. we havent seen each other since i cancelled the wedding. since the cancelling of the wedding, i was always the one that was reaching out to her. not the other way around. and EVERYTIME we spoke, she would always get calls and puts me on hold FOREVER. i KNOW she's not mad at me for cancelling. she actually commended me for doing so.

anyway, 2 months ago i called to give her the good news that we're getting married again. she had another call and put me on hold AGAIN! when she came back on I told her it's impossible for us to talk w/o any interruptions on her end. she said she'll call me back. that was two months ago. i sent her a text last wk asking her to call me so i can fill her in on my wedding info. havent heard from her.

my question is, should i fire her as my MOH since...

1. havent seen her since i cancelled wedding

2. can't even talk to her on phone and it was always me calling her

3. tried calling her and texting her about wedding details and havent heard back after she said she'll call me back after our first conversation.

also want to add that at this point i really don't want her as my MOH. the only reason why i called and texted her a few times is cuz i felt like it was the right thing to do since she has already put money into our wedding. i much rather my male best friend be my best person than her

and i have asked all wedding parties if they want to stand up for our wedding again and they all replied very quickly and said yes. all but her. and our wedding is in June of next year.

am i suppose to reach out to her for the THIRD time?

Answer 1

Obviously, she has cold feet of her own, and honestly, I do not blame her.

I'm sure that she invested a lot of time and money with all teh panning, fittings, showers, activities etc. etc. etc. and going through that again a second time doesn't seem appealing.

She is not interested this time around (and rightfully so). Assume her silence as a no and move on.

Good luck

Answer 2

I think that you shouldn't have to reach out to her again.  You offered your apology and she obviously turned it down.  Plus, you would like someone else to be your best person anyway.

I think it's perfectly logical for you to ask her to step down.  Just make sure you stay calm and she understands why you are asking her to do this.  She might not stay calm but you can make sure that you do.  Good luck!

Answer 3

didnt you ask this earlier.......

Anyways if she hasnt responded by now, I dont think she will, Just go on with your plans and get a new MOH and send her a regular invitation, if she does say anything tell her "oh, I didnt think you wanted to be in the wedding, but I would love it if you were there!"

Answer 4

It doesn't sound like she's still interested, so if you decide to pick someone else, I don't think you'd be in the wrong. However, you should pay her back for her dress. She paid her hard-earned money for a dress to wear in a wedding that never materialized, so the nice thing to do would be to reimburse her (or at least offer to do so).

Answer 5

No, I don't think you should reach out to her again.  First of all, she didn't seem to be much of a friend to begin with.  She is obviously against this marriage and she doesn't appear to want to be part of it so why keep after her.  I think the most important point here is that you are celebrating a new chapter of your life and you should have all the family and friends that are truly and genuine happy for you and want to celebrate your happiness with you and not someone that is going to have a long face while you are saying your "I do's".  

I had a very small wedding (very private and personal) and the significant other of one of my husband's siblings had a long face the whole time.  I would look up while we were having our dinner and she just had the long face and I have the pictures and video to prove it because she had that long face through it all, while everyone else was having a terrific time.  

Hope your wedding and marriage are a happy and succesful event and always surround yourself with people that love you and have your best interest in mind.  

Answer 6

I don't mean to sound snotty, but maybe she's just waiting to make wure the wedding actually happens this time, before committing to being your MOH.  I assume you are making your bridesmaids buy different dresses rather than just use the ones they bought for the wedding that was cancelled- that's a major expense that she maybe doesn't want to incur until she's sure it's for real this time.  Even if you are letting the bridesmaids use the same dresses, I'm sure people's bodies have changed over the past year, and they'll still have to foot the bill for alterations to the dresses, etc.  Maybe before she spends the money again she just wants to wait until closer to your wedding date, to see if it's really going to happen this time.  

This is not coming from a position of judgment at all- my fiance and I actually broke our first engagement as well, even though nothing had been planned yet, so nobody had spent any money on our wedding when we called it off, but I do understand how some people can be a bit skeptical at first when you announce you're engaged AGAIN and it's for real this time.  I do hope it is for real with your and your fiance, as it is with mine, but I can understand your MOH wanting to proceed with caution given the circumstances.

Just because she was supposed to stand up in your wedding last year doesn't mean she has to be MOH in your wedding next year- if you have someone who is closer to you now, like your guy friend, by all means have him be your "Man of Honor."  And if your previous MOH gets mad, just say you tried to pick her first but she simply didn't return your calls and you took that to mean she wasn't interested.  That will teach her to put you on hold when you have big news!

Answer 7

ditch her!! my best friend tells me shes getting married and i'm going to put her on hold to take a call?? thats preposterous!! even if shes mad at you she has no right to ditch you without warning. pick someone else hon! she's the one that decided to blow her money on the dress by not returning your calls.

good luck and congrats!!!

Answer 8

I think you really answered your own question.. If you haven't talked to her in a year there is no reason she should be your maid of honor.  Your maid of honor is suppose to help you make decisions and help make the day perfect, yet she hasn't even called you in a year.  If you feel it wouldn't be right for her to be your maid of honor then you need to tell her that.  I always say, follow your heart, you cant go wrong.  Good Luck.  

Answer 9

I agree with the other poster, Get you guy friend to be your "Guy of Honor" and pay her back for the dress.