Should i let my brother see his child, if and when i adopt him?

Question

again, i know Y!A isn't the best place for advice, but should it come to the situation that i have to take in the baby. should i let him see his real parents, or cut off all connections?

here's the previous question so you won't be confused:

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=AtQMdVya4IiqJEmev1NqXcnsy6IX?qid=20070817132707AAWizjG

Answer 1

That's a tough one. It depends on how you are planning on raising the child. If you have officially adopted him and are planning on treating and raising him as if he were your own then I would say if you feel comfortable you can allow him to see his parents. The issue will come when he is old enough to understand that you're not his birth father which I always thought should be defined differently from being a dad.

A birth father is a sperm donor, a dad is someone who is there to raise you. You will be this child's dad. You have to take into account how your own children will be/act in this situation.

To bad more guys aren't responsible like you. Your brother could use a few lessons.

Again if you do take the child make sure it is legal (ie adoption, becoming a legal guardian) therefore there won't be drama down the road. Also this will help in maybe getting your brother and his gf to at least have some financial responsibility for their child. The need to realize that kids are not dolls that can be abandoned when you get tired of them.

Answer 2

I adopted my daughter from a co-worker and they did see each other for a while. But I think it's better that they don't. Being that you are adopting from your brother makes it difficult because you will see him. If you do adopt, you should have an agreement that if he does see the child, you make all the parenting choices, including if and when to tell the child about the adoption.

Answer 3

if he wants to see him then i say let him. He may be a crappy dad but if he wants to see him i say let him. I dont know the whole story so it  might be a better idea if you dont. It all depends of the story. I know tons of people including my sister that wants a baby so if you really dont want this kid and no one else wants him, which would be really sad, have your brother place him for adoption. There are so many families out there that would kill for a baby!

Answer 4

It depends on the situation.But I think it's best that kids do.

They will appercaite you and your loving care more.

Good luck!

=)

Answer 5

First and foremost you need to consult a Family Law attorney.  You cannot just assume custody of the child.  The parents ( your bother and his girlfriend) have to give up their parental rights and they have the right to take the child back at any time in some states.  Most likely Child Protective Services will become involved because that is legal abandonment of the child, which is a CRIME.  Before you are granted legal custody, a judge and/or Welfare agency will have to check you out and deem you fit to be the child's guardian.   This is not as easy as it seems in the beginning.  This is going to be a huge legal battle that you must be prepared to fight financially as well as emotionally.  So please contact a Family Law attorney ASAP to get proper advice.

As far as letting them see the child that is up to you but do you think they will ever realize a child is not a puppy and cannot be re-homed since they decided the situation is not working for them.   You are a great person for caring for the child but you need to make them face the music and stop cleaning up their messes.

Answer 6

it is healthiest for children to see their biological parents imo. We need to know who and where we come from to gain a secure sense of self and esteem.

I just read the other question, and it sounds like you could potentially be jumping the gun. I mean, you haven't even been asked to adopt your newphew yet. Theres alot more to "adoption" than is being seen here. Its a HUGE process and if it really does happen YES YES YES this child deserves to know his mother and father!!!

Answer 7

wow what a wonderful human you are, in my opinion you should allow it, let the baby know where he has come from BUT if your brother is not bothered about regular contact then stuff him its his loss, better that than have a child sat at the window waiting for a daddy that never arrives..

good luck

Answer 8

i think you should be open to bringing the child into your home as long as you can handle it.  It's better for the child to be with a loving relative than in foster care.

Now, if he doesn't show up to pick up his child then get the authorities involved.  Make sure you document EVERYTHING (all conversations about how long they'll be gone, etc.) so you can show the authorities if need be.  If he doesn't show up then call the police or the child welfare system & report him for abandonment.  Once that's done you can begin the proceedings for obtaining custody of the child or surrender him to child welfare.

As far as visits...you should see how he grows and matures as time goes on & if it's a healthy thing, encourage visits....if it's unhealthy for the child discourage them.  Be objective and forgiving and keep the big picture the big picture (the child's best interest).

Answer 9

If your brother doesn't return for his child - the first thing you need to do is get legal custody of this baby and then adopt him.  Once he is adopted he is your child and you will be his real father.  

Whether you should allow your child to see his biological parents depends on the child and your brother and his girlfriend.  Are they just irresponsible or are they dangerous (not only physically but emotionally as well).  

You will know this child best and you will have to do what is best for him and his wellbeing (and most courts will support you in this endeavor).

First - get legal custody.

Second - finalize adoption.

Third - enlist the support of your church and/or a single father's support group.

Fourth - take care of yourself and your other children.

Thank you for being a good man and father.  All of these children will benefit from having you in their lives.

Answer 10

Ick, this situation sucks. I feel for you. First, you have to think of the child before anything else, which it seems like you're doing. You know this child is at a big disadvantage staying with two people who don't care enough to put him first. It seems like you've discussed this with a lot of reliable people too- your older brother and your pastor. My advice is that if you do take the baby, make it permanent legally. You don't want him changing his mind later. The baby needs a stable life, not to be passed around. Make your brother and his girlfriend know that they are giving up all parental rights to the child. You will be Dad, he will be Uncle. That said, since he IS your brother, how where you planning on keeping him from his child? That could get dicey. Personally, I believe in open adoption. I think it is best that the baby is informed of the situation of his/her life so they don't feel as though they were unwanted (although in this situation, it sounds sort of the case...). But your brother and his girlfriend are more selfish and irresponsible than not wanting the baby. Maybe faced with the possibilty of not having any responsibilities, they may decide they do want them.

I wish you the best of luck in this situation.

Answer 11

If he doesn't come back for the child he probably won't be around much anyways.  I would just be honest with the child when age appropriate my daughter has known my husband adopted her since she was 6.  It's best that they find out from the parents than any one else.  If you cut off all connections then the baby may resent you later also.  I wouldn't bad mouth the real parents either.  Good luck

Answer 12

Generally it is a good idea to let them see their biological parents, but you have to watch the situation. If the visits are hurting the child than they need to end.

It may be that the court grants the biological parents visitation as a condition of the adoption. If this is the case, than you'll have to go to court and convince the judge that the visitation is detrimental to the child's physical or mental health.