Should i marry him..?

Question

so there's this guy and he loves me and i love him lots lots lots were not together though because he graduated and I'm a senior in high school and he went to college in Arkansas and i plan on going out there too when i graduate but he says that when i come out there he wants to ask me something were not really together right now just because of distance but we see eachother all the time see my problem is he came down here to see me and i wanted to know what he was going to ask so he told me.. he wants to marry me and have like 5 kids!!! id marry him in a heart beat but he is talking about doing all of this during college and i want to get married when im out of college but he says if we dont then thats other oppurtunities for him to find someone else but i dont want anyone else and i know deep down he dosent either so what should i do should i tell him we need to wait or just go through with his plan..?

Answer 1

If he's a real man, and if he TRULY loves you, he'll wait.  That line about marrying you so he won't find someone else is garbage.  If he wants to, he could still cheat on you even after he's put a ring on your hand.  Marriage isn't a guarantee that a man is going to be faithful.  What a crock!  ^..^

Answer 2

That's just plain silly. Given the divorce rate in North America, it would seem there are plenty of reasons to wait getting married, and rushing into a marriage would never have any benefits at all.

That was one long sentence you wrote, by the way. Don't take any offense to this please, but I would suggest going to college anyway first. That's not why, of course. But people get married and then college and career and other plans go by the way side. You're still in high school. Lots and lots of time to get married and have a family. But why not have college behind you and a career started at the very least before something like 5 kids derails all that?

You said you want to go to college anyway. If you are meant to be then it can wait. If not, well who knows. It's hard to say who is 'the' one anyway when one is so young. After you go through the college experience and do some normal growing up (not criticizing you at all, just pointing out that a lot of things happen in college and setting up a career, and 'growing up' where you may change your mind on what's essential or important to you in a long term relationship/person to share the rest of your life with).

You never know, you may find each other again after. I know a woman who is now getting married to her high school boyfriend, whom she reconnected with after 19 years, and the first time around it was just a young first love thing. Now they are both totally set where they want to be in life, and so the relationship is all the more stable and long term material.

I think that whole 'if we don't then other opportunities etc etc' is a bunch of pressure- and feeling rushed is a good feeling not to ignore.

Right now you know you don't want anyone else, but what you think you want in a guy in high school, let me tell you, give yourself a few years and your whole outlook will change. Whether you want it to or not, really.

And don't ever 'go with anyone's plan' just because they are trying to convince you it's the best thing to do. Make your decision with your head- not your heart. When you base your decisions on your heart, you forget the rational part of the choices you make and pros and cons and what's best for you in the long run, because it's easy to get wrapped up in the lovey dovey emotion stuff- and in that state, we don't see straight on what may actually be best for us.

Think of it this way, if you hook up, tie the knot, pump out 5 kids and all before you have a college degree and some prospect of a decent self-supporting career? What if (realism here) things don't work out and you separate and now you are a stay-at-home mom with no college education and 5 kids to raise? Divorce obviously is a reality in this day and age, but one is not preparing oneself well for that possibility if one does not have a backup plan, a career to fall back on, in the odd case that the father of one's child(ren) does not end up paying child support.

So, sorry for the novel lol. But I come from a divorced family. I have a sister who went the route you did and is now struggling in her 40s to put together a college education so that she can have some kind of dependable income to raise her kids.  

Answer 3

wait till u finish college because if u marry him before u finish and have 5 children u will have a hard time taking care of your kids just one more thing make sure he has good attitude having this things:responsible, hardworking etc  

Answer 4

If you mean that much to him, he would wait for you and not be looking for somebody else.  I've just known a number of guys like this who pressured their girlfriends to get married really young.  Not one of these guys has made a good husband.  They tend to have a very skewed image of relationships thinking that all of the commitment comes from just getting married, not from working on the relationship.  They pressure girls to marry them, but then after the wedding they think they won't work on the relationship with you.  You probably won't follow this last piece of advice, but I would strongly recommend you run far away from him.  I can guarantee you that you will regret your relationship with him down the line.

Answer 5

If he loves you, then he will wait.

Answer 6

in my opinion if you have to ask a bunch of strangers if you should get married you probably shouldn't.

Answer 7

my opinion is...if you both really truly love each other then you should be with him..it should be no problem to say yes to him if you really see yourself spending the rest of your life with him because saying yes doesn't mean you have to get married right away an engagement can last as long as it needs too...he should understand that you dont want kids or want to get married as soon as he wants to but that your willing in the future to go on with those plans and you have no problem with it as long as he's willing to wait and for now be able to call you his fiance. trust me i know how difficult the decision is for you but follow your heart and it'll lead the way.  

Answer 8

I think the "opportunity" line is just to try to get you to change your mind. If he truly loves you...he will wait. It should be a mutual decision.  If you feel the need to wait until after college and he refuses, then dear...he is not the "ONE". And you will find the right one...trust me!  If he does wait...then you will have the chance to work on your LASTING relationship that much longer!  Good luck!

Answer 9

tell him you will marry him when you have both finished, or close to finishing college, if he asks you

he may just want to ask you to live with him, you never know these days, so don't jump the gun

by all means, if you don't feel ready, don't do it... if he really loves you, he will understand, and wait. there is nothing wrong with being engaged for several years either

Answer 10

Follow your instincts and wait until after college.

While you two are at college to get know each other, spend time together on a much deeper level. Marriage is a huge commitment.  

Answer 11

if he's worth it and the one you're meant to be with he'll wait 'til you're ready, for all practical purposes marriage is forever and you shouldn't let anyone rush you into it

Answer 12

So if you want to marry him why wait?

Plenty of people get married in college... then have kids after your done.