Should i marry my fiance who believes in housewives, or join the army which can help me get through college

Question

i was supposed to marry my fiance of three years on april 6th of this year. he's in the army, stationed on ft. benning, ga. the plan was that i wasn't going to go back to college and resume my junior year until this fall, and that i would work part time at the home depot near base, just transfer from the home depot i worked at in my hometown. he and i were living in our house on base, furnishing it, decorating, planning the wedding, etc. on april 2nd, we were going to fly to his hometown in nebraska for the wedding on the 6th, and the day we were supposed to leave, he received orders to deploy to iraq. i had to move back home. home depot wouldn't let me transfer back...it was terrible. i had to get an apartment and job, asap. i had to start over again. i woudln't have been able to do it without the love of my friends and family. well, he and i have continued on like normal, essentially making a joke out of the whole thing, and saying its going to be a great story to tell the grandchildren. and then...the other night, he and i were talking, and he essentially told me that it was okay for me to hold down a part-time job, but that once we had children, he expected me to be a stay at home mother...and he doesn't care that i want to finish college, but he's made it clear that he want's a housewife...i never knew this side to him, and i don't know, maybe its a sign. maybe i shouldn't have married him...but i have days, like today, were i wished i could have him home to take care of everything and pay the bills. i've been thinking about a career with the army or navy because i know i won't be able to afford college on what i make now...but he's dead set against the military...i just need some input...some advice...

Answer 1

he and i were living in our house on base, furnishing it,

I pasted this portion of your question because you were not married and living on base.  I am in Military pay finance and you are not aloud to live in Government housing unless you are married.  So there was some fraud there.

About your feelings of being a house wife, trust me the military really is no place for a lady who seems to want college and a family. now before all the female soldiers out there get on me I am not saying that you should not be here.  I am just saying it is alot harder, I think, to raise a family and be a dual military couple then if only one person was in the military.

As far as him wanting you to be a house wife.  It could be his way of saying he just does not want you joining the military and would like you there for him when he came home.  I agree you should go to college, so you should talk to him about that.  As a military spouse though you will be able to CLEP some courses and earn college credits

Answer 2

Hi, U seem to sound a bit low, UR fiancee asking U not to work after marriage seems to bother U to an extent that U are thinking of a drastic step which U you would realize was wrong .I respect UR feelings and UR concern for uncertainty.

   1. don't be hasty in taking decision,best way out is to talk,try and get his reasoning of not allowing U to work.

   2. I personally feel there can be following compulsions:

        a.  He may be apprehensive that household may suffer.

        b.  The kind of stress and strain an army officer goes through,after the days work he wants his betterhalf to share it.Which shall be missing if U work.

       c.   Or, could be that he has some other,compelling family reasons.

    3.If U join army as its UR married life will suffer, as U will be posted at 2 different places.

    4. My advise to U is don't speculate things,teaching is the best profession for army officers wives,the reasons are:

       a.    U will have a school where-ever UR husband gets posted.

       b.    The time schedule will match ,U will be back home before he does .

     5.  Don't worry things will fall into their place, be positive.            

Answer 3

You need to get the education.

It is fun to be a housewife for a moment but it gets really old. And when your children get older you will need something to do, and I am certain that you do not just want to settle for what is available at that time. You will regret it if you do not get your degree. You cannot let a man dictate your life you have to do what you want.

Answer 4

It depends on what's important to you.  Do you really want to pursue a career that requires college?  Is that an important thing to you?  Do you really want to be a soldier?  G.I. stands for Government Issue, you will be the property of your country for the duration of your enlistment.  Are you comfortable being a stay at home Mom?  Most importantly do you REALLY love this guy???  Getting your mind clear on these issues should help clear up your options.  I gave you more questions than answers, but hopefully it gives you better focus.

Answer 5

You said it look like a sign,then believe me it was.You said he wants you to be just a housewife when you get pregnant,forget that. Sounds like he is the one that likes making the decision's in your relationship,forget that.If you want to go in the Army then do it,our you will spend the rest of your life wondering what might have been,trust me when I say that.This is your wake-up call,listen too it.Go join ASAP.Just remember you have the right to a good education as well,and if you get married now to someone like this your life well be over. You sound like a young lady with a lot of energy  and you probably have a creative side as well,married to someone who likes too call all the shots,would make you miserable. Take a chance and listen to your warning from God about all of this. Talk too God about all of this and let him tell you what you should do. Good Luck and God Bless You,I truly hope everything works out for you. Reach for the stars.

Answer 6

If you join the army there's a good chance you won't come back out. Marry him while he's still breathing.