Should i marry this guy or not ??

Question

I was in a relationship for a long time & somehow it had become a little troubled relation & neither of our parents were agreeing for marriage at the same time i came across a colleague, later we became frds & finally this guy helped me out of my old relationship & then we both fell in love with each other & have been going around frm the last 2 yrs... initially he showered too much love tht could make me forget my long relationship but frm last 4 months he's been acting very weird - he started to fight with me for not messaging him every min or not speaking to him more num of times than wat we used to do usually. he tried to be connected with me all the time of the day either by chats or by messaging & even a slightest delay would trigger a major fight but everytime i explained him the secs delay too he used to get angry and used to stop speaking to me for days... i seriously didn't understand how to handle him so finally one day sat and spoke to him tht even i'm equally in love with him and tht i need to have little bit of space but to my horror now he doesn't bother abt anything - he's not bothered whether i speak to him or not he's not bothered even if i dont message him and he's also stopped messaging me & calling me too.. somehow now i have been feeling all low and insecure. i feel both ends of him are too extreme..he says love still exists somewhere but he's not been expressing even single bit of it... but apart frm all tht he went and spoke abt our marriage at his place even i did the same at my place but not sure if he's the right guy for me i cant take his anger and his silence for long long days.... wat should i do ??

Answer 1

In the business field, you will be amazed that big players like CEO, COO, MD etc make decisions based on their gut feeling. To the men, this is gut feeling, to us ladies, its more like our 'sixth sense' or instinct.

Actually if I'm not wrong, you probably have an answer within you. But its human nature to seek assurance to ensure that your gut feeling is correct after all. Marriage is for life, if you are unable to face these problems now, there will bound to be more in future and wouldn't you feel even more stressed with other things like children, bills, retrenchment matters set in?

My advice would be currently, concentrate on solving on issues you have on hand first before proceeding to say ''I do''. He may be the right guy after all, you just never know but for now, before you proceed, solve the current one first. Otherwise it will become a thorn for you, always there. I have friends seeking professional help on marriage issues etc from the professionals. There's nothing to be shy about it. By then who are those to comment on your action if your happiness can really be solved?  

Answer 2

hun, no one can tell you what to do! what does your heart want? do you really love this man no matter what anyone says? cant marry him just because you feel like it....you have to feel the love in your heart. If you ask this question that means you are having some doubts.. sit down and think about it alone. Come to a conclusion from your heart and don't listen to what people tell not even your parents. If you love him and will die for him and can see a future with him then marry him. But if you don't see a future with him and are doubting yourself just wait few more years and see how it turns out. Maybe he's the right one for you or maybe he isn't ..only your heart can decide not me, not your parents...no one except yourself.

EDIT: he is playing mind games with you. My boyfriend does that to me sometimes to p**s me off..Just talk to him again and tell him how much you miss him. Tell him you want things to be like they used to be when you guys started going out. Tell him you want to talk to him every day but not every seconds. I'm sure he will understand. And make sure you and an I Love You in your conversation =]

Answer 3

if you question this at all then your shouldnt marry him

Answer 4

It's one thing to get scared or nervous (cold feet) about marrying someone...it's a big step in your life.....BUT to question if you should or not is a sign that you feel something is wrong or off.  Please listen to your instincts!  Do not marry this guy. One minute he is overbearing and controlling the next he is completely passive.  If you think it could get better after you are married....wrong.  It will only get worse.  Sometimes loving someone isn't enough. I think it would be good for you to get away from relationships in general for a while and focus on yourself...considering your history.  Take some time for yourself and then find someone who will treat you right.  

Answer 5

Dump him now and save the cost of the divorce lawyers.  You can do better than him.  You were on the "bounce" when he picked you up.  Now you're on top and he can't handle it.  You're better off walking away now, since there's not really a relationship on his part.  You'll just be letting yourself in for an abusive situation if you marry this clown.

Answer 6

I don't think you should marry him, it sounds to me like he has a lot of insecurities and he is pushing them on you. he wants all or none of you, he wants contact 24/7 and then you talk to him about that and he then he doesn't want any contact with you. i think he needs to grow up a lot more and i think you should get out of this relationship before it turns violent, and from my experience that always happens. i hope you do the right thing for yourself and i hope it all of this gets resolved. good luck :)  

Answer 7

When you sat down here to type out this question...in your heart you already know the answer. This man is controlling. First he was controlling by knowing your every move, now he is controlling you by just the opposite behavior.  You need to move on!  There are so many good men in this world, why worry over the few that aren't Mr. Right?

Answer 8

Please, whatever you do get away from this guy.  He is a control person.  He will take over your life.  He has all of the signs.  The next step will be to physically punish you by hitting you when you do not do what he says.  This is a HUGE red flag.

The following is an excerpt from an online article about controlling men.

Initially, the signs of a controlling relationship might resemble clingy behavior. For instance, when a partner starts whining because you came home fifteen minutes late from work, demanding to know why you’re late and not being able to accept that you stopped off at someone else’s office to catch up for a few minutes, you may be heading for trouble. When you meet resistance over seeing friends (especially if you haven’t seen them in a little while) or find that going to a support group meeting or other personal obligation means that you’ll return home to an argument, there is definitely trouble brewing.

Answer 9

In my opinion, if you're going to even question it, then chances are that it may not be the best thing in the long run.

If I were in your position, I wouldn't marry him.

And the fact that he is making you feel "low and insecure" is another reason not to.

Sorry if I sound too negative.

Good luck

Answer 10

thank God you see his true colors now. thats what you SHOULD do!

Answer 11

hi- i hope that this dosent sound too harsh..

but if you are on yahoo answers to decide if you should get married, then probley dont get married.

dont settle for less then you deserve. dont sell yourself short.

my husband and i have been married for 6 years and i didint need to consult yahoo answers on weather or not to get married to the man i love.