Should i say something to my daughters friends parents

Question

My daughter is three years old her little mate a few houses up wanted her to come over and play but the girls mum said they were too busy which is fair enough! But now there is another little girl playing over there (there next door neighbour) so obviously my daughter is very upset. I am sure this is because my daughter has behavioural problems and can be a little strange in her behaviour.(but is pretty well behaved in general) Do you think I should ask why she is not allowing my child over but then letting other kids

Answer 1

well i would definetly talk to them and if still they are not willing to let their child play with yours ...try explaining to your kid.....i know it can be hard..... all the best

Answer 2

I understand your feelings are hurt as are your daughter's, but the fact remains that this mother has the right to have over to her home whomever she chooses and is also making decisions that she believes are in her daughter's best interest. You state that your daughter has behavioral problems. At three years old that is a hard thing for a child to understand and process. They are still learning about social skills and appropriate behavior and it is perfectly normal for a parent to want good safe role models around their children. She may not want to be responsible for your child if she doesn't listen either. Everyone has their own comfort level around children who are "different" or have disabilities or even children that are just undisciplined. You didn't mention why your child has behavior issues. If your child has a disability of some sort then you should take the opportunity to invite them over to your house for a playdate and subtly and kindly educate her through modeling so she can become comfortable. When the time is right, I would mention that you and your daughter noticed that situation and you were concerned. Your daughter didn't understand and was hurt. Maybe it was a misunderstanding and you can work it out. But be prepared for an answer you may not want to hear. If your daughter's behavior is a product of her upbringing, then you need to do some changing...not her.  

In reply to your email, I assumed nothing. Read the response again. I clearly commented on your daughter's possible disability and suggested I would handle it differently. If you wanted honest answers you should have supplied that significant piece of the puzzle, as you probably already know part of this answer. It would be a perfect world if people were blind to differences and we are slowly getting there, but unfortunately wishing it doesn't make it so.

Answer 3

Without question but be cool and calm about it obviously.

I never say no to my daughter just for the sake of it like some parents do I think that its just being lazy. So get yourself over there and get it sorted. Or how about invite their daughter over to yours to play let them become good friends and they will want to be in each others company then.

EDIT just had a thought in all seriousness are you super friendly with these neighbours?

If not and you approached them about this situation would it be that bad if you never talked if they took the funnies with you?

As this is a difficult situation and it takes your own self confidence to go over there and ask questions.

Just think of it that way.

Answer 4

Has it crossed your mind that maybe its you and not your daughter they dislike.

Scouse t**t

Answer 5

Yes  I would that's just cruel,that woman sounds nasty.

Best of Luck to you and your daughter.

Ps.Tell your daughter we all love her here xx

Answer 6

Yeah that's not only rude, but it's cruel to a child who isn't mature enough to understand, what kind of parent is this person, if they think they can do those kinds of things to a child and they'd understand?

Answer 7

Oh no, yes I think you should confront the parent. Or at least let your daughter know you support her and tell her sometimes people are unfair and not to get too upset.

Or better still, tell her you'll hang out with her instead and take her out to get ice-cream or something nice, kids love that.  

Answer 8

I have a question what is the other girl's home life like(the one allowed to play)?  Is the mom and dad not really in the picture or are her parents closer the the play mom?  Maybe the other mom has a problem with children with problems and it makes her uncomfortable.  I was for the longest time(I am not proud of it) scared of people with problems.  I would go out of my way to avoid them.  It was not until my twins were born that my attitude changed. The other mom may not feel comfortable and saying she was busy was an attempt at saying no politely. But when in doubt I say ask politely and then you will have your answer.  

Answer 9

i would . no child should have to go threw that ,especially if they are not old enough to understand . and the other mother should be mature enough to know that you shouldnt single out any child b/c of anything . so yes i would go say something , but try and keep your cool . mabye it something simple and she didnt mean anything by it . good luck :)

Answer 10

Well, maybe try inviting them over for a BBQ/Playdate..then if she declines then ask her what is up? because usually, neighbors, especially with kids, let everyone play. I would ask her what is going on. Tell her to be honest with you. What is the problem?

Answer 11

yes definitely. let her know that your daughter is upset knowing that other people are playing with her friend and she cant, and explain that although she has behavioural problems, she is very polite and well mannered most of the time.

this is very sad to her that this little girls mother feels this way towards your daugher, but once she has realised how lovely your daughter is, im sure it will be fine

Answer 12

Ouch, that can be painful.  If you need to ask the child's mum, and I understand if you do, try to find out beforehand if the arrangement with their neighbour was made before about that particular little girl going to play - that could be the reason they were already too busy..........

:)

Answer 13

I would mention it without attacking.  Just mention that your daughter was rather hurt when she saw the other little girl playing there, after the mother said they were too busy to play.  Ask if there is a reason why your daughter was not invited.  It might just be a misunderstanding.  For example, it's possible that they already had a play date scheduled with the other little girl, and the mother didn't feel up to watching three children at once.  Good luck.

Answer 14

Heck Yes

Do what You gotta do

say

Why you got that lil chick at your house but you dont want mine

and before she says anything say

You selfish ...... you finish it lol

Answer 15

Aww this is so sad, why don't you hold a little tea party and invite other kids too, and their parents. then this mum can see how sweet your daughter really is, gd luck  x

Answer 16

I would not say anything.  Perhaps your daughter is too much to handle for the other mom.  Maybe something happened one time and you never heard about it.  Maybe ask the little boy to come over to your house.  But asking the mom why can't my daughter come over to play and why did you let that other girl come over, is a bit immature.  

Answer 17

No  -  you cannot control the actions of others and it is certainly their choice who their daughter plays with.  It is not up to you to manage it.  I am not agreeing with their decision or saying your daughter should not have been invited but stepping in and questioning their choice will not make matters any better.  

The suggestions to arrange a playdate at your house are the best.  

Answer 18

No, you do not need to know everyones's reasoning for everything that THEY do.  Maybe they don't like your child, or maybe you.  So what, move on and find your child some playmates that WANT to play with her.  Just because you are neighbours, does not mean your children have to play together.  Besides if the answer truely is "I don't really like your child", are you prepared to hear that?  I think you are asking for trouble if you delve any deeper into this.

Answer 19

No, don't say anything, there is probably a reason.  Maybe they had a playdate set up before and she can't handle more than 1 friend at a time or wasn't in the mood for 4 people at her house instead of 2.  Don't jump to conclusions.  Maybe the eneighbor just dropped by, did you think of that as a possibility?

That's the thing about being friends with neighbors, if you are going to be petty or knit pick and look over there and see what they are doing then question them it puts a strain on the friendship and effects their freedom to do what they want.

This is your chance to teach your daughter that people may make her feel left out but it shouldn't bother her, take her out for ice cream, she'll have more fun with you!

ETA: well in that case all I can say is that you can't force someone to hang out with your daughter, this is life.  You can't always keep your daughter from suffering so it's better off that you teach her to deal with it the best way possible by moving on to better things and not letting it bug her.

Answer 20

I would...... as you say your daughter has noticed it so i def would have a word

Answer 21

yea i would definitely ask. this happened to me because I'm physically disabled.

Answer 22

Gosh!  Thats an awkward one isnt' it!!  I guess you could mention it in passing next time you see this woman.  I would approach it very delicately and tactfully though, as the woman may well be embarrassed. You could talk about your daughter's behavioural problems and try to put her mind at ease, tell her that you are only a few doors up if she ever needs you!!

Good luck with this one!!

Answer 23

no.  what if that little girl over the house is really a relative.

if it is because of her behavior problems would you be upset? the truth hurts even if told in a pleasant way.

my cousin asked me to babysit for her five year old son and i said "no".  well she then said to me "well, you babysit my sisters kid, why can't you babysit mine"  i said because your son is hard work.  i don't know if i offended her, but its the truth.

rejection is very painful.  when i was younger no one wanted to be my friend.  

its not really rude of them to say "no" to  your child.  its just a fact of life. if she is going to be handful and they can't handle it, then respect their rejection.

invite their daughter over your house.

Answer 24

I would yes.

Answer 25

i would because that's a little mean ask them why are they keeping their children away from your child .

Answer 26

It's a difficult one, on the one hand, you should mention nicely to the mother that your daughter has noticed and that she is very upset about it, however on the other hand it may be quite awkward.

I think you should mention it to her, but of course make sure you centre your case around your daughter, saying how upset she's feeling about it.

Answer 27

Perhaps she had already arranged for this other little girl to come over to play and she would rather have only one extra child to look after at a time!  Why don't you invite the mother and daughter over to yours to play for a while another day and you can have a chat with the mum then and express your concerns, explaining your daughters behavioural problems fully.