Should i stop wasting my time with a taken man?

Question

There is this man, Jay, and him and i have known eachother for about a year, and we have reciently started being intimate with eachother. we talk everyday for several hours and we have a really good connection. and he says he likes me and he knows i like him. but the problem is, he already has a boyfriend that he has had for 4 years. but he met this man on some online chatroom thing and they have never seen eachother before and live 4 hours from eachother but havent ever met. so should i stop wasting my time with him and move on to someone avalible? or should i stick around and wait and see?

Answer 1

Don't waste your time...look for someone more loyal..

Answer 2

stick around!

Answer 3

yeah....you don't want your heart torn down in the future........

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Answer 4

Your hoping against hope that he will go with you.. but why should he?

All he has to do is keep you strung along.  He has his "Primary" and you are secondary back up.  He is not going to jeopardize his primary for you, but he doesn't want to give you up 'just in case".

I am NOT saying he is evil, unfortunately, this is normal human behavior.  People are, by nature, selfish- its only when we are mindful that what comes naturally to us hurts others, and we change our behavior, that we are "good" people.

Hes a normal guy, and doing what comes naturally.

I was reading an article on this very thing.. and the article summed it up- your chances are not good.  It's just blind hope that keeps you on- and this is normal human behavior too.... LOTS of people want to hold on in this situation, even though, logically it makes no sense to waste your time.

You want him, and you want to believe your chances are better then they are, so you do, but they are not.

Go out and meet a real guy who wants you as his primary...you ARE worth it, right??  :)

Answer 5

you need someone 4 ur self

Answer 6

What I'm puzzled at is, he considers calling someone his boyfriend for 4 years and they have never actually, physically met all this time? Why would anyone want to have a relationship with someone who considers THAT a legitimate relationship?

But I digress. This is about you, not me or him. Only you can decide on your dilemna - this is one of those life situations wherein you have to figure this out all by yourself. You already said in your opening statement that he is a "taken man" - having him means you're taking him from someone else, not really the foundation of a strong relationship, in my opinion, and of course, I had made my misgivings clear in the first paragraph.

Here's a test for you: If you can all get together in one room (you, your "taken man" and his "we've been lovers for 4 years but never actually held hands" boyfriend, and tell that boyfriend that "I'm intimate with your lover" straight in his eyes, without blinking and wthout any remorse/guilt, and he consents, then you're scot-free.

Answer 7

Stop wasting your time. The guys taken, do you really want to break up a couple? You two can be friends of course!

Good luck!  

Answer 8

Im wondering why he has wasted his time with an online relationship for four years that he has never met. I guess if he wants to remain with him then yes you should back off. But if he wants to continue with you then he needs to call off the online stuff.

Answer 9

u should stop wasting ur time with any man

Answer 10

here's what i think...i think you should feel if he really is into this guy on the internet. I think four years chatting and not meeting at all is complete bogus. So if I were you stick around for a while, and take his attention out of that internet guy so you will win the prize. Persistance does pay. :)

Answer 11

well i would stick around try to get to know him like your best friend that you've known for over 5 years. but if he keeps the other guy on the internet tell him to pick you or him.

Answer 12

Move on to someone available.  How can someone have a boyfriend for 4 years that he's never met.  Too weird.  Move on.

Answer 13

yes you should bcause he didnt meet the guy so go ahead dont get scared

Answer 14

Yes. Stop wasting your time. It looks like he's in a serious relationship even though they live far away from eachother.

Answer 15

Just let him go. Try to see if you both can become friends. Otherwise, forget about him. Plenty of fish out there in the sea.

*smile

Answer 16

Stop wasting your time with him. Find a guy who you can trust and doesn't play around.  

Answer 17

stick with it!

Answer 18

Yes their are to many of us free ones left

Answer 19

wait, he has a boyfriend for 4 years that he's never seen?  

or you met him on an online chat room and have never seen him?

something doesn't compute, but i always believe a personal connection (face-to-face) is the more real one.  so if you know him in reality, i don't think you're wasting your time at all.  i say go for it in either case--you can't wish you did later and regret it.  it will be unbearable.  

Answer 20

Perhaps it's time to clarify where this relationship is going (you and him).  If it's just friends with benefits then he is free to do as he pleases.  If you're falling in love with him find out if he feels the same for you.  If the answer is yes on both sides, then it might be time to talk about taking the relationship forward and clarifying if you will have an open relationship or a monogamous one.  What you decide together will set the boundaries for your relationship.

Best wishes on this journey

Answer 21

Four years and they've never even met? That's more like an imaginary friend than a boyfriend.  There's something a bit weird about never having made the trip to meet his boyfriend in four years, but being so committed that he can't be serious with a live one right there in front of him..  

Answer 22

you should stay with him because you seem like you like him but how do you know he does not only want you for s*x  

Answer 23

4 years...that's a long time. But then again anything is possible. But the real question is "are you willing to take the risk of heartbreak?" if so you should peruse him.  

Answer 24

wait and see

Answer 25

honey, stick around with him for awhile and just keep it low with him; don't tell him anything about love and just let him figure out things on his own.  While he's still deciding, keep your options open for others.