Should i tell my brother in law to stop borrowing money from me and my husband?

Question

my brother- inlaw lives in texas his 26 yrs old and we live in hawaii.He keeps calling almost evry 3 weeks borrowing money saying he doesn't have food or he needs to pay cellphone bill or something.my husband always tell me about the situation and sometimes his so mad at his brother but i always end up telling him to send.i always feel bad about his brother i don't want my husband to feel like i don't care about his fam.anyways a lot of people know that hawaii is really expensive place to stay and i thought they would consider that.he only have a girlfriend he doesn't have kids.we have a boy and his going to school so he needs a lot of things for school.his mom and dad too always calls to borrow money too but they never pay.sometimes i get so mad but i don't tell my husband i feel their taking advantage of him bc he is such a good man.his parents live in guam . when we were in guam with them they always told my husband he couldn't survive without them & he always felt like he couldn't. I convinced him to come to hawaii and now were on our own and were doing good but his fam always needs somethin.

Answer 1

you`re brother in law probably needs the money.  its the wright thing to lend him some. you guys are family.  

Answer 2

first off you need to have a talk with your husband about his family they are all full funcational adults its one thing to borrow money every now and then for emergencies that's what family is for but they need to realize that he had a family to support and that he can't continue bailing them out or whatever its time that he told them this and if they can't respect this then that's their problem and you have been very supportive this far as far as not coming between him and his family but its time someone put their foot down

Answer 3

The best way to deal with this is to sit down with your DH sometime when you are both rested and not stressed and talk about the issue.  Don't yell or place blame but talk together.  As he's coming to you to ask if you think you should send the money he's probably open to what you think.  You need to stop feeling sorry for your adult brother-in-law who is old enough to do what you two are doing and learn to support himself.  If you can't do that then maybe you and DH need to talk about a budget, some amount of money you can afford, to loan each month.  Or decide to make the loan and then no more money for that person until they've paid you back.  Whatever you two decide to do, make the decision together so you both agree and have a stake in backing each other up.

Answer 4

This is something you need to talk about with your husband. It is his brother and if you step in and say something, you will cause a problem between them -- and between you and your husband. It is his job to tell his brother to back off; it is your job to convince him he needs to do that.

Answer 5

you need to tell that man to get a job, i know for a fact that things are more expensive in hawaii because it's imported, so you guys need every penny you make, and he is being immature and not taking charge of his life, because he keeps thinking "oh my family will help me" so you just need to be straight up with him and tell him to get a job

Answer 6

If you dont stop now, you will always be giving them money. You and your husband need to sit back and enjoy somethings, in stead of giving away!