Should i tell my mother if i am emailing people who i used to live with? i love the couple more than anything!

Question

should i keep a secret hidden? Am am emailing a couple i used to live with, and i love them more than anything, but should i tell my other mom? i know she will get pissed. and i plan to visit this other couple. but should i tell her anyway i don't think i should but i need your opinions! help me please. this means so much to me. Thanks. Tell me your true feelings please. i am 15 so don't hold back anything!

Answer 1

Depends.  Who is this couple, and why were you living with them?  What makes it so shameful that you can't tell your mom?  Why would your mom be upset that you're in contact with these people and want to visit them?  

You're not giving enough of an explanation for anyone to give you an intelligent response.

Answer 2

I would talk to your mom about this.

Tell her how you feel about the other family, and let her know that loving them doesn't diminish in any way the feelings that you have for her.

Frankly, I feel that the more people there are available to love a child, the better.

DO NOT try and visit this couple without your mom's consent.  That will get everyone concerned into trouble.  If you have a social worker, contact her/him  and ask her to mediate with your mom if necessary.

Oh, and what you are interpreting as anger might be fear.  Your mom might be scared out of her wits that you love this other couple more than her, that if you see them you will want to live with them again, or lots of other things.  I know it's hard at your age to be patient, but you might have to hold off on visiting this couple until you are legally an adult.

I hope you can work things out with your mom.  If you need help, try your school councilor, or someone at your place of worship.

You can even call the Girls and Boys Town National Hotline

1-800-448-3000

(TTY 1-800-448-1833)

And they will help you find help in your area.

Answer 3

I was a foster mother and so was my mother (after I was married and moved out).  My mother had a girl living with her and my husband and I loved her and wanted to adopt her but we were currently trying to adopt the 2 children living with us.  The state decided to let another family adopt her since they thought we had our hands full (which we did).  We were under the impression that we could still keep in contact with my "foster sister" but the family that adopted her got really upset at my family and threatened restraining orders for no reason at all and did actually put a restraining order on my mother.  The adoptive mother was very strange and I think she felt threatened by my family because of the bond.  The foster father was also a cop and so he had connections.  

My foster sister called my mom one night crying on the answering machine and all upset and said that something had happened and she was scared.  My mother called the theropist but nothing was ever found out.  There are times when I wish my foster sister would call us and not let her adoptive parents know because I don't think a child should be deprived of love.  If they have people who love them then they should be allowed to receive that love.

If there are reasons why your new mother feels threatened then you should know the reasons and accept them if they are valid reasons.  Only you know the real reasons.  If they are not valid reasons and she is just into the drama then I would go behind her back and do it secretly.  Just make sure that the other people are safe and do not put yourself in a jeapordizing place.  Safety should always be #1.  Good Luck!

Answer 4

I am with those who state that they would need more information before giving you much advice ---- but one piece of advice that I feel holds true in any situation is this.....

Secrets are rarely the best avenue toward resolving anything. The longer you keep a secret, the more damaging the outcome once it's revealed. I have personally seen a single secret tear apart an entire family in a matter of minutes. The secret was built upon decades of deception, but took only moments to crumble multiple lives.

If I may ask --- why do feel your mother will be "pissed"? Is this something you have discussed with her before and you were met with negativity, or is this based on a perception or feeling that you have?

With more information, I think people will be able to address your issue with more specificity. Can you elaborate a bit?

Answer 5

I think that you should maybe reassure your mom how much you love her but that while you were living with this other couple ( I am assuming foster family) that you became very close to them and that they were good to you so you would like to remain in touch with them and maybe go and visit them. Don't leave your mom out of the loop, she deserves to know but please do some reassuring I am sure it may hurt her.

Answer 6

I agree with sociopathic , I need more info before I can give an answer.  My biggest question is why are you not living with them now and why would your mom get so pissed if she knew?

Answer 7

I don't see why your mom would be upset that you're keeping up w/ ppl who meant, and still mean, something to you! Explain that you don't want to go live w/ them again, you just want to keep up w/ them b/c they're important to you. I see no reason why she wouldn't understand that.

Definitely don't plan a trip to see them w/out telling your current mom!! Keeping secrets only hurts everyone involved.

Answer 8

ok.... So, I'm guessing that you used to live with a foster family.

That means that you have developed a relationship with them, which should be expected.

And now you've been adopted, right? You're afraid to tell your "new" mom, because she would be angry.

If all this is true, then you're going to have to tell her, because you are 15, and want to visit the other couple. I don't think breaking out would be a good way to let her know.

Sounds to me like you have to tell her.