Question:

Should i tell my son he was adopted?

by Guest63425  |  earlier

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He's 4 years old

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  1. Do not wait another moment.  I was told I was adopted long before I even could comprehend what the word meant.  I also adopted 2 children, and they knew immediately as well.  If you wait much longer, your son is going to possibly start to think that it is something to be ashamed of, instead of something to rejoice in. And if you never tell him, and he finds out later in life, he could resent you.


  2. Yes, its better to be upfront and honest right away, will he have the full comprehension of adoption? probably not, start simple, honest, no made up stories.  Good luck!

  3. For what reason does he need to know. Depending on the child's age will it benefit him if he knew he was not wanted by his biological parents. Your all he needs to know unless some idiot in your family wants to be cruel and tell him....

  4. I think it is VERY important to share with your son that he was a CHOSEN CHILD.  Explain it in a way that lets him know he is precious and cherished.  Show him a book that has pictures of mothers in the hospital with their newborns and explain "Now sometimes the baby stays with her, but sometimes she can't stay with the baby and so another mommy comes to help her and they love the baby just like she would.  That's how I got YOU!  I wasn't the mommy in the hospital who HAD you, but  I  chose to raise you just like I was. "

    That way he understands, that he is still 100% beloved and wanted.

  5. PLEASE, TELL HIM!!!!!!!!!!!

    It is his right to know, and please tell him, as soon as possible.

  6. Without a doubt.  A child should be told from the start that s/he is adopted.  There was never a time I didn't know.  I also know several people who found out as teens or adults and it has been very hard on them and on their relationships with their adoptive parents.  Please tell him now.

  7. yes you really should. I was told from day one and its only made life easyer. But be ready that it could lead to him wanting to find his birth parents when he gets older!

  8. Yep. If you don't do it now it will be difficult for him to accept it later. If you wait until he's older that bond you're trying to create will break in an instant the moment he finds out.

  9. Yes.  You don't want to wait and have it be a shock to him later in life.  You don't want him to resent you for lying to him.  Best to be upfront early.  Good luck!

  10. Yes. You need to start telling him now. Tell him age appropriate stories at first(you grew in someone else's tummy before he came to you)and as he gets older tell him the full story.

    My parents adopted my little sister and waited until she was 18 to tell her! She was so upset.

    Here are some books for your son about adoption:

    A Kola For Katie

    http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0...

    Adopted and Loved Forever

    http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0...

    Adoption Is For Always

    http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0...

    Adoption Stories For Young Children

    http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0...

    All Kinds Of Families

    http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0...

    Amy Angel Goes Home : A Heavenly Tale of Adoption (If your religous):

    http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0...

    Beginnings : How Families Come to Be

    http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0...

    For more books go here:

    http://www.adoptionbooks.com/childresult...

    I am adopting and plan to use all of those books for the girl I'm adopting.

    Good luck and God bless!

  11. you should have been talking about this when you adopted him.  he has two mommies / two daddies...etc...he grew in his first mommies tummy, but he grew in your heart!

  12. Yes, but first I would start talking about adoption and why people do. Read a book with him about it etc. Then when the time is right tell him you adopted him and why. Give him some time to think it over and then talk to him again.

  13. Yes, tell him now. The sooner, the better. If you wait, then it's going to get harder when he's older.

  14. to me he want fully understand so it's kind of like you are telling him but you know he want fully understand so if later he questions you, you could tell him i did tell you. So i would wait until he can fully grasp it like at the age of 7

  15. yeah tell him now while hes still young if gets older its gonna be harder to tell him and if he finds out from somebody else hes gonna be mad at u!

  16. The first thing a parent wants is to be able to trust their children. But trust works both ways; children need to be able to trust their parents with the truth. If you shield it from him and he finds out later (and yes, that's he WILL find out later, not if; whether it be from a careless remark by a friend or relative or when he has to get a blood test done and the doctors are confused because his blood is nothing like yours and they ask him why, or he notices there are no pictures of you pregnant with him or no delivery room stories, etc.), then how could he possibly trust you with anything ever again?

    This is probably the biggest thing he will ever need to trust you about in his entire life. Get off the computer and tell him; now. Any longer and he will remember the time and point where you dropped all this on him (as it is, he probably is old enough already to remember), and he will have a hard time trusting you for the rest of his life. Don't think 'Well, I'll tell him when he's 6' or pick an age that seems logical to you. Tell him as soon as possible. If you need help on how to break the news to him, get a book on adoption meant to be read to preschoolers and toddlers who are adopted and use that as a way to let him know.

    You must tell him soon; waiting any longer will make him wonder why you kept this from him and if being adopted is something to be ashamed of.

    Also, be open to talking about the adoption all the time, from now until the rest of his life. He will have questions. You as his mother need to be open to answering them. Again, if he can't trust you enough to come to you to talk to you about adoption, then why should he trust you with other problems he may have through his childhood and adolescence?

  17. you need so tell him say i know you may not understand it yet but you were adopted but i still love you

    if you dont tell him h**l think you lied

  18. Yes.  Tell him now.  Waiting will only make him feel lied to.

    I've known as far back as I can remember.  Better to know than find out later.

  19. Yes! It's best to tell a child as young as possible, so it's not a big shock to them one day. Waiting will just make it harder for you to tell him, and harder for him to deal with, and it's definetly something he needs to know.

  20. YES! He will love you regardless--just explain to him that you love him very much, as much as anyone else's parents, even though you didn't give birth to him on your own. This will definitely save you some trouble later on--he's bound to find out some way if to don't tell him yourself. He's young enough now to understand without being judgmental--just be open with him about it.

    Good luck!

  21. OMG yes, it will give him a closer bond with you because he will know your honest and he can trust you.

    My mother adopted my brother and sister and she says that they didn't grow in her belly they grew in her heart and they love to hear that story.

    I love them so much and have never thought of them any different than I would a blood sibling.

  22. Aren't you the one that told another that she was ungrateful for wanting to find her birth mom. My belief is that unless you understand what it feels like to be adopted and not know your history or medical history, you have no right to say something like that. What are you going to do if your son comes out and says that he wants to find his mom or dad? Are you going to tell him that he is ungrateful? I would tell him. He has every right to know.

  23. Has he asked about where babies come from?  I think as soon as you have that discussion about how babies grow in the mommy's "tummy (keeping it age appropriate of course) you should tell him that he grew in another mommy's tummy.  Tell him all the reasons you wanted a baby and how loved and wanted he is.  

    As he gets older you can explain more about how you were unable to have children and his bio mom was unable to take care of a baby.....  Naturally he'll understand more as he gets older, but the fact that you did not give birth to him shouldn't be a secret.  Nor does it make you any less his mother.

  24. Your son is eventually going to find out that he's adopted, whether you tell him now, or later on in life. The only difference is that he will feel more betrayed if you keep this from him, and spring it on him later on.

  25. Yes... you should have already told him.  I mean this is coming from an adoptees perspective, but I think the reason I had such a good adoption experience is that I always knew I was adopted.  It was never something anyone was ashamed of at all... I just came to "my mommy from another mommy instead of from my mommys tummy".  Obviously the process was explained more in depth as I matured, but when I was a kid I knew I was adopted and I liked it that way.

  26. Yes, yes, yes, a million times over yes.  Do not make your child feel lied to.  He deserves to know.  Don't wait until you think he will fully understand, that will just make him angry.  Do your best to make him understand, and in time, he will come to really know what it all means, but without feeling lied to.

  27. Honesty is the best policy!

  28. Yes.

  29. just tell him in a simple and natural way.it won't come as a shock now,but it will further down the line.best get it out in the open.why should it be a secret anyway?. my parent's told me at age 5,i just accepted it,i wasn't bothered.but i would have been devastated to be told when i was older.

  30. Every moment you wait gives the truth that much more time to turn into a dirty secret that as others have said already in here will undermine his ability to trust you for the rest of his/your life.

    Only the truth will set you free.

    I don't ever remember finding out because my parents told me I was adopted long before I ever knew what it really meant, and they told me it was a good thing and they told me why.  There were never any secrets....

    And yes at some point I yelled "youre not my real mom anyway!" and at sometime I told her "I was born a beautiful white canvas until you scribbled all over me" LOL, all that stuff comes up... But I love my Mom very much and even though we fought just like every kid/parents growing up, she's still my "real mom" and always will be.

    Don't be afraid of the truth it isn't bad, you love your son and adopting him was good for both of you, just tell him the truth about who he is and where he came from.

    Poem cross stitched with my and my lil bros baby pix framed in it and hung on the wall at my parents house... (for as long as I can remember)...

    "Ill never forget

    not even for a minute

    that you weren't born under my heart

    but in it"

    There is nothing wrong with that...

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