Should men be there at childbirth?

Question

GMTV debating whether men should or shouldn't be with their partners in childbirth? Some obstetrician wants fathers "banned" from the delivery room.

I'm sorry but I WANTED my partner there. I don't have a sister and my mum wasn't able to be there to support me. I couldn't afford to employ a Doula.

My partner is the person I feel closest to and I wanted him there to support me through what is essentially a very scary and difficult time.

Does anyone agree with me?

As far as "Oh I don't want him to see me screaming/see all the blood", I'm sorry but he did 50% of the baby-making, why should he get to stay outside and escape all the messy stuff!!! Plus if he loves you it won't make any difference if he sees you screaming or not! He should want to be there to support and comfort you.

My other half watched our son's birth and was fascinated, lol! It didn't faze him in the slightest. He was mega excited and kept nipping outside the phone people and tell them how it was going!

Answer 1

Believe me I do not want to see.

I will be outside - why would you want your hubby to see you sh*ttin a ball of worms and screaming the place down?

Answer 2

I watched two of my grandchildren being born. My daughter needed me and also her partner.

Its wonderful to see the father look at his child for the first time. And I think it gives him a real bond. It makes the pregnancy real for him and not just a bump.

As for blood and gore - I can't say that I noticed much and I was at the service end both times! So i saw them emerge first!!

I think men need to know the meaning of life and being there for the birth is a good way of showing this.

Answer 3

Giving birth is a woman's job. Men have done their bit at conception.

Answer 4

Why on earth were they debating about something that has been going on for over thirty years.It's a bit late in debating it now.

Answer 5

I agree with you.  If the woman wants her partner to be there, then let him do so.  A couple of family friends are expecting soon and they are all wanting their partners to be at the birth.  So that's one in the eye for that stuck up obstectrician writing in yesterday's Mail.

Answer 6

Its all about your own personal choice.  I dont know whether I would want my partner at the birth or whether I would prefer it if my best friend (who has given birth and knows what is normal and whats not about it) was there instead.  I feel that someone who has experienced child birth might be better support than someone who is just as nervous as me.

Answer 7

i had my partner their all three times,

i wouldnt have considered him waiting outside its his experience too, and, after all if he' not there who would we blame for the pain lol!

i dont think he would have been too happy being told he couldn't be part of the birth.

Answer 8

If both parents want it, then yes, he should, If he doesn't want to, it does not necessarily mean he hasn't enough love, or respect, or responsibility. Some mothers prefer not to have men, as they might be distracting, when it is important to relax and open up. Really depends on personalities of both mom and dad.

Answer 9

Birth is something to be shared and I am eternally grateful that I was able to see and witness the miracle of birth firsthand.It made me feel much closer to my wife and my son. The trauma and pain is just tremendous and I was humbled by the way my wife handled it all. My son is more precious to me ,as is my wife also , because of the experience we shared. It was quite awesome!

Answer 10

I would be down the pub waiting for a phone call!

Answer 11

There was an article in the Mail yesterday. A doctor saying that he did not think men should be there.

I actually agree with him.  I was at the birth of both of our children.  I think for many the reality of child birth is lost.  It is a very messy affair.  I am not in the lest bit inclined towards being a doctor/nurse/carer and found the experience quite distrbing.  Child birth is not all white towels and soapy water.  It full of poo and blood and pain.  It is not something that should be witnessed if any degree if intimacy and seduction will expected afterwards.

I know our relationship would have been very different had i not been there.

I dont understand why thumbs down?

Answer 12

Well, I wanted my husband there and he wanted to be there, so it worked for us.  But then, others are different, so I guess its whatever suits the particular couple.

Answer 13

I think that not just the advances in contreception over the last 30 years have had an impact on the size of familys but the fact that men have been encouraged into the delivery room  Yes keep the men in there in fact make it law that men MUST see their children born

Answer 14

when I had babies - fathers did not attend - but I had one home birth and my mother in law was with me - I have been privileged to be at the births of three of my grandchildren and they were wonderful experiences - although one was a devastating still birth (we knew in advance) I was at one because my daughters partner was in the Gulf the other one including the sb was my youngest daughter and her husband who asked for me to be there - I do think though its a matter for the parents to be .

Answer 15

personally i think not, its a woman's affair , the mother-to-be and the midwife

Answer 16

yes definatley  its a moving experience for both and also dad gets to bond straight away also

Answer 17

its a mans right to be there at the birth of their child, my partner was at the birth for my 2 children he wouldnt of missed it for the world, i would of been devastated if he was banned from being their, its a very important thing bringing a child into the world, and i believe a man should witness his own child being born and it should not be up to an obstetrician to say otherwise!!

Answer 18

i dont think id want my other half to be there with me!! he can wait outside!!!

Answer 19

I ve got 2 kids and I had my mum and husband with me both times.

The first birth  it was my mum was  I wanted instinctively and she was amazing . My husband sat there eating penguin biscuits (honestly). He was great at the actual point of delivery though.

Second time round my husband was seriously fantastic I still feel v emotional thinking of how good he was.

Women alone should decide. If she doesn't want him there then that's it.I agree with you though they made it too.Surely most men would want to be the first to hold their child not a stranger?

Answer 20

If I was having a baby, his being there wouldn't BE optional. I don't care if he's at work or being tortured by Goldfinger, d**n it he is going to stand there and suffer the consequences of getting me pregnant!

Answer 21

Men should be in the delivery room, this way they will have more respect for a woman or their own. It might be gory, but, it is a natural process. The animals go through the same thing in a different way, but, at least a man can take notes and pass on this experience to other men.

A woman needs someone with them in order to feel safe and someone to cling on to in this very life exchanging experience.

Answer 22

I'd rather have him than a room full of strangers. Doctors just want more control over child birth. if your tired and in agony and the doctor won't listen to you, who's going to fight your corner to make sure you get the birth you want? The doctor tried over riding my friends wishes during her labour luckily she had her partner there to stand up for her and insist they listened to her.

Answer 23

yes they should ,and stop being wimps if they don't, my hubby was there for all our 3 boys. i think it makes them appreciate what women have to go through after all it is a part of life why should they be excluded and anyway it's so much fun seeing them in their surgery gowns or looking rather squeamish!!

Answer 24

Yes!! I want my husband there.

Answer 25

It should be up to the parents, not hospital staff.

I have been to both our kids births and would not have missed them for anything.

It's the most wonderful thing a couple can do, making a baby, so the birth is so important in the bonding process, for Mum and Dad.

Answer 26

I wasn't even invited to the conception....hahha

Answer 27

i was at both my childrens birth and it was amazing, i would not have missed it for anything ,even though the first was traumatic and there were complications that could have been more serious, i'm glad i was with my wife to understand what she went through

Answer 28

Only if the woman wants him to be.

Answer 29

I think a husband has a right to be present at the birth of his own child if his wife wants him there too.  It should be up to the couple to decide.

Answer 30

Hi,its up to the couple.if the dad wants to be there then good on him.

Answer 31

I'm not pregnant or planning to be any time soon, but I can honestly say the thing that scares me most about childbirth is not the pain, it's what my boyfriend would have to see! All the  blood, squatting, weeing, pooing... I know in theory I shouldnt care, but I know I would, and ultimately the only thing that matters is the woman's state of mind, so I would probably have him there up until time for delivery, and then ask him to leave for the hard parts.

He would be happy with that too- he could come in the minute the baby is born and it would stop him feeling stressed and helpless.

It really is a personal choice but if I did it this way I wouldnt everyone to think badly of him for it.