Should my 4 yr old be doing things on his own?

Question

ok my son turned 4 in november. he dosent't do anything himself? brush he's teeth, put on his shoes or cleanes his room. he is in school and the teacher says he listens and all. so i know he is capable. he just dosen't want to at home. i tell him to do these things and i talk nice and then yell and get mad. what ever i do just doesn't work. am i expecting to much or should he be doing things for him self? how do i go about this. i have tried every thing. i just don't want him to be lazy as he gets older. oh and when he does try things that he can't do he get's so mad and crys. it's really frustrating for the both of us.

Answer 1

Break big chores into little steps for him. Like cleaning up what he just played with not an entire room.

And with teeth brushing wait a little longer, you can do it more properly anyway.

But he should dress himself or with little help for tight sweaters or button pants.

Look closely at what he does by himself, try to think what he might need to do in school that he is not doing at home. Then pick one or two of those things and tell him you know he can do it and you want him to do it. Be consequent. And I think all children are better with certain things at school than they are at home, because all children are doing the same things there and teacher don't have a choice but to insist (they can not clean up themselves for everybody). So they insist all the time and there is no room for discussion or just walking away that is something you probably don't do as a parent (well neither do I) so sure it is different at home.

Pick your fights, go little steps and help him less every time. He just has to learn that there are the same things for him to do every time. And if you think he is to tiered from listening at school all day then give him a break and do it yourself for a little while longer 4 is not really that old.

Answer 2

I have a 7  and 4 yr old--    they try to pull some stuff here and there--  they battle with my wife daily--  she is accertive and sticks to her guns--  you have to be consistant and not buckle---  they don't usually try it with me--  I can get things done with the look my mom used to give me!   (the mom look)

They go through their phases though--   you'll be fine!  I think the terrible 2s was a walk in the park to the 3s and 4s!!!

Answer 3

Don't get mad and yell.Tell him once, the second time tell him he has to the count of 5 to get moving and go get a belt while your counting.If he doesn't get moving, use that belt to motivate his little butt.

Answer 4

yes at four years old he should be doing these things on his own but if he not doing it on his own and wanting you to do it for him he just wants attetion and if hes cries when triies do things he can't do hes probaly just getting to stressed out over it you should make do something that he can do for a little while untill he calms down then let him try again

Answer 5

right now he is to young but little things is ok try this when you tell him to clean up his room have something in you,r hand or that he see like a toy,game etc and when he wants it tell him he gets it atfer cleaning up his room he should learn little things he will come around when he ready

Answer 6

Oh, my daughter did this. It was soooo aggrivating. She would pretend that she couldn't add 1+1 and we would spend hours working on it with her. Then we went to parent teacher confrences and she had scored in the top of her class in MATH !!!! We realized that this was her way of getting attention. This is what we did. We made a chart and hung it on the wall. We had all of the expectations listed and each night, we gave a star. At the end of the week, she got a prize. She felt like a big girl and she liked the positive attention. Good Luck .

Answer 7

He might be to tired after school to think about doing things again at home - Try to teach him these things on weekends or days when he doesn't go to school - Reward him for doing these chores, help him and show him through it for the first couple of times make it fun like a game - Enjoy every minute they grow fast....

Answer 8

You can start slow like ask him to do something, watch him as he does it and praise him for doing it. Help him learn to dress him self. Putting on shoes and socks can be tricky depending on style of the shoe but kids will eventually get the hang of it.

Answer 9

As far as brushing teeth, you need to do it-according to dentists, He`s` pretty young I think youre expecting too much.

Answer 10

I think you are expecting to much.  He may not be able to do things independently but he is capable under direction.  You can't just say "go in there and clean your room"  You can go in there with him and say, "pick up the truck and put it in the toybox", etc.  You can brush your teeth side by side with him and tell him "brush the front on top"  then "on the bottom", in the back on the side, etc.  You'll need to brush his teeth for him at least once a day, but let him attempt the other times.  You are going to have to show him how to do things, then let him how to do it.  Instead of doing everything for him, help HIM do it.  He will get it eventually.

Answer 11

First he's 4, and people do things at different times... my sister started brushing herself by herself at age 9.... my nephew swam before he walked and my father never brushed his teeth until he was 15.

Well back to the matter at hand, I think what your 4 year old is lacking is motivation. Instead of just telling him to do these things, do it with him. Everyone loves company when they're learning, I'm sure your child will too..

Answer 12

Somethings we do for our kids like make lunch pour juice etc even when they are old enough to do it for themselves but they should know how.

You should be supervising him brushing his teeth, but not doing it for him.  Don't yell, it gets you no where except frustrated.  My daughter use to leave all her toys around, I couldn't get her to pick them up, So one day a friend suggested a Saturday bag. I was to give her three chances to pick up the toy, but was never allowed to yell. I would say "please, pick up your toys" and then I would walk away. I would come back in 20 minutes I would once again say, "Please pick up your toys and put them away or they will go in the Saturday bag and you won't get them back till next sat.

I would then give her 10 more minutes. If she didn't have them picked up. I would say in a stern voice but not yelling " This is the last time I will ask you to pick up your toys and put them away, I will give you 10 minutes and if they aren't put away, you will lose them till next sat.

she tested me the first few times. but after losing her favorite toys for a week she decided it was much easier to pick them up.

I never had to ask her more than twice after wards.

Don't give in to him when you ask him to do something. be firm, don't yell and don't threaten unless your willing to follow through.