Should my brother tell our parents he's g*y?

Question

We're 17 (twins) and he says he's known he's g*y pretty much all his life. The problem is, our whole family is Catholic, and my parents are really into the whole religion thing. They've never really talked about homosexuality before but I can imagine they would freak out if he told them.

We moved from Spain to the UK eleven years ago, and they're always going on about what a bad influence the "British kids" have been on us, and I honestly think that if they found out about this they would take us away from school and our friends and back to Spain.

Should he just keep on pretending for a couple more years until he's left home and then just accept that they'll hate him all his life? Or tell them and hope for the best?

Help!

Answer 1

I think you'll get a thousand pieces of conflicting advice on this one.

Here are some options:

1) He tells your parents and you're there to give him moral support. In this scenario, you have to be really tough. If your parents threaten him in some way or other, you have to say to them, "Anything you do to him you do to me too", and mean it!

2) He waits until he has finished school and your biggest fear can't occur but again you've got to be there for him.

3) He waits until he's 18, whether or not that's before he finishes school because he's then adult, which is a help to him.

4) He waits until such a time as he feels secure before saying anything, even if this is for life.

5) He waits for your parents to ask and if that's never, he never tells.

6) He never tells them.

The choice is his, perhaps with your advice. I don't think it's right or proper for a complete stranger to tell him what's best. Even with your description I don't know the full details of your family.

What I can say is it's really nice to see a young woman so obviously devoted to her brother. I hope that you can find your own way through this problem and that you both are happy with the result.

Answer 2

Wow!  I think that your brother should give a bit of thought and prayer, as to how and when he is to go about this. But no matter what his sexual preferance is I believe that God hears us all.  

You said that your brother has known all of his life that he's g*y.  So wouldn't if be fair to assume that your parents, on some level, know too?  Just because they haven't acknowledged it, doesn't mean that they don't have an idea about their son's preferance.  Ya know?  

Who's easier to talk to and confide in?  Your mum or dad?  

What ever your answer is that would be the person to talk with first.  Not necessarily come out to right away.  But just to open up the line of communicaton about this subject.  And when he is ready to tell your parents I'd start with the one he's closest to.  It is definately best to sit them down seperately and tell them how he feels.  

They may be angry or dissappionted at first.  But I would hope that their unconditional love for your brother takes the wheel.  That doesn't change who he is or their belife in God.  They are the parents that God chose for you two.  And they need to remember that it's not their place to judge or condemn.  But to love and support their children.  As God loves us.  I don't mean to sound preachy but it's true.

The reason I suggested telling your parents in the near future, is because I think it's going to become very hard to hide who he is.  I believe it'll help him to be more okay with who his is.

I hope this helps! :-)

Answer 3

When he is ready he will know it. When he is 18 he is considered to be a full adult and he should then be open about it. By being open I do not mean ram it down their throats and flaunt it. He should start by telling them the pubs, clubs etc that he goes to and they will soon cotton on.

Answer 4

he should maybe keep it on the down low... for now.

Until hes really comfortable with telling them himself.

I mean parents shouldnt care what sexual preference there children are...  but unfortunately some of them think its worth more than unconditional love.

He'll tell them when hes ready.

Answer 5

Well they're gonna found out eventually when he doesn't get married to a chick.

Answer 6

I completely agree with Cheryl B ^^

How a parent can turn their back on a child simply because of their sexuality, is beyond me. It is absolutely disgusting how a parent can choose to suddenly love their child less because of such a trivial matter. Shouldn't their only wish for him be that he is happy?? I'm sorry but your parents are very selfish and unreasonable people. They don't deserve to have children if they cannot accept them for the way they are and love them for who they are. Religion also should not rule someone's life to the extent that it makes them turn against their own kid. How disgusting.

Answer 7

No offence, but i think thats kind of.... mean... that your parents have something against g*y people. He is there son!He should have there love and support no matter what sexuality he is. He is still a human. I think he should come out of the closet though. But sit down and tell them that, hes g*y, hes always been g*y, and hope for the best. Your lucky to have a g*y brother!!

Answer 8

Keep it to himself!

Answer 9

of course he should but he should when hes ready you  don't do it for him that would just be WRONG!

Answer 10

If you can, get him to wait until you're 18. At least then they can't take you back to Spain.

Obviously I don't know your parents and can't predict how they would react, but it sounds like they wouldn't be over the moon. If he wants to tell them he should tell them though. Don't let them win. If they can't choose their own son over their church then they're not worth having as parents. Stick by him and if they want to disown him, the disown them too.

Answer 11

He should tell when he is ready

Answer 12

When he's older and when he's good and ready. If your parents are good parents then they should accept him as he is, despite religion.  There's nothing wrong with being g*y, it's not like he's a murderer is he?

Answer 13

Aaaah a difficult one.  Does he feel the need to tell them, or is it just saying it for sayin its sake?  if you know what i mean?  in my experience i only told my parents after i had moved out as i didnt want the hassle and arguements about wot i do, or did, under their roof and perhaps your brother should do the same.  You know your parents best and can possibly see their reaction before it actually happens.  I hope everything goes well for you both

Answer 14

on his 18 bday  go to dinner with ur parents and when you get back home tell them that your brothers going  to "come out"as in tell the world that he is g*y but do it in a gentle way like a poster

Answer 15

My two best friends are g*y and one of them is part of a very Catholic family. Both of them came out earlier this year and all of our friends accepted it and such but neither of them has told their parents yet.

If he doesn't want to tell them, then he doesn't have to. But also consider that your parents might already know, or have an idea. Both of my friends may have not told their parents but believe me, both sets know just because they know their chldren too well.

Answer 16

he has to decide if hes ready enough to tell your parents

Answer 17

do what HE thinks is right! and only tell anyone whan HE  is 1000% ready! notice how i said he? so that means NO ONE ELSE!

and theres nothing in the bible that says u cant be g*y! so they hopfully will be ok with it when HE decides to tell them!

Answer 18

he should do what he wants all your parents have to do is accept it they cant exactly force him to be straight

hope everything turns out fine

Answer 19

I can never understand parents who can't love their kids unconditionally. They created those children and should therefore accept them as they are. I would never disown any of my children just because they were different.

I'm sorry but if they can't accept him as he is they aren't worth bothering with.

Answer 20

yes he shoulld ttell

Answer 21

You guys are 17? One more year and he'll be off on his own, right?

If so, I would wait until he is out on his own. Unless, if he feels comfortable with telling them the truth now.

xox- Julie

Answer 22

Well, your brother should come out when he's ready. :)

Doesn't it seem weird for the children of really strict/religious catholic familes to come out g*y? I've always noticed that.