Should my daughter live with her dad??

Question

i have a son 7,and a daughter 2 1/2 by a different guy,

currently im single, i have no support from my family,and friends live away.i work and am findin life very tough,specally with the summer hols.

My daughter see her dad,tues,thur 1-6,and most sundays.

My sons behaviour has become alful since my daughter was born,she is very demarndin and annoys him.

Its hard to make time for him,

my ex wont help anymore unless he has full access so last nite i let him take he,

i think she'd be better there,she has family,here its just me,and a brother that hates her.

will she hate me for this?? what would u do?

NO horrid answers please,im feeling c**p as it is!!!

Answer 1

Why not try you looking after her just at the weekends for a while, and one full week in four? This way you can cope better with work, but still get to see her a lot. Whatever happens you need to sort a routine. She's going to be confused whatever happens because she's really got two homes but try sort something out as soon as possible.

After you've tried that for a while ask her what she likes better. She's not old enough to have a proper opinion, but she'll know if she has a better time at her mums house or her dads house. And don't take it personally if she says dads because it might be a reaction to your son.

She might have a stage of blaming you but when she's older you can explain to her why you did whatever you did and she should see why.

Good luck! x*x

Answer 2

You should stop working, move in with your parents and stop having babies until they are all at least 18 years old.  A kid needs his mother.  When they are 18 you should find a husband and do your thing.

Answer 3

Why don't you explain your son what had happened be a mom to both of your kids. Since another dad has a demand give the demand and try to visit your daughter ... if that's not the setup you choose try to talk to the your current husband and ask him for help that you both must solve this without any problems or risk

Answer 4

1) Choose the better home for your daughter.

A better home is not about one factor (financial issues), it's about having a combination of most things needed (family, love, stability, independence yet a form of strictness to help her develop into a good person, etc).

2) If you choose to let her live with dad, always and always keep in touch with your daughter more frequently than you actually can.

So you’re busy with work? Once a week is what you specify? Make it twice; make it three times… make sure you can develop a good relationship with her.

3) Does she get along nicely with all the family members living at her dad’s? if not, is it something that can be overcome and treated?

4) No matter what, work on her relationship with her brother (from you). Yes, they are different “age stages”, yes, she is demanding and he has changed since she has been born… but they are brother and sister, and they have the right of their parent doing effort to strengthen their relationship.

5) Through games, or playing with dolls/toys… ask your daughter indirectly how she likes it at her father’s place.

6) Last but not least, remember she’s 2 and a half now…. She’s young. She’ll be growing into a young lady before you can imagine. Remember that a girl needs her mom at the end…

7) Talk to her father about this.

Good luck...

Answer 5

if you truly think this will be in her best interest it would be a good thing to do.

You will obviously miss her alot and that will be hard at first.

Try it on a temporary basis at first and see how you cope and see if she enjoys living with her dad.

Keep your chin up too, dont beat y ourself up about it  

Answer 6

Hi!

I have had to go through the same thing well not excatly but in this case I am the daughter. I am 14 my dad split from our family when i was 11. One night i got into a fight with my uncle,mom,gma and i called my dad and my mom said it was my choice trust me it isnt fun i dont want to do it again!If your going through a rough time with your son you guys BOTH need to go to counceling.Get your girl back then get a job and fork in the dough to support your family

Trust me just might not like you or she might resent you for this. I would grab her right back up then get a job!!!!!!!!!!!

I hope i really helped =]

Answer 7

I think that instead of letting her live with her father you should try to find a way to make it work. All toddlers are going to annoy older siblings, I have 3 kids of my own so I know what I'm talking about. Most of my days are spent being a referee. Also, why should your son get his way, why not just tell him to deal with it instead of sending your daughter away? You need to disipline your daughter instead of sending her away. It's like he's more impotant to you then she is. And money is tight for many people, including me. Every holiday and birthday is stressful trying to figure out how to stretch too little money but somehow it all works out. I just try to remember that as an adult I really don't remember what gifts I got for Christmas or for my birthday but what I do remember is my Mom taking me places or playing games with me. She gave me her time and it was enough. She was also a single mother with 2 kids. You really need to think about this, it will have an effect on not only your daughter but you and your son for the rest of your lives.

Answer 8

well if you wanted to keep your daughter, chances are you would be able to - courts favor mothers generally in cases involving children. it sounds to me like your daughter's father has a very stable, happy situation and it seems like your daughter greatly enjoys it there. im not saying you should never see your daughter again, but what if your daughter stays with him for a week and you a week. or maybe she could stay with him on week days and you on weekends? good luck. im soo sorry that you have to make such a hard decision!

Answer 9

Her brother doesn't hate her-her brother is jealous! I'm guessing he doesn't see his father? it must be hard as he can see his little sister has 2 parents and he only has one. But your son needs to adjust to this. You need to MAKE time for him, set aside a day a week where you and he go and do something. An extra few hours at her dads for your daughter and some mummy time for your son. My eldest son has zero contact with his father and found it really hard when his brother spent time with HIS dad so we used to have film night. Every friday night when his brother was away, we'd pick a movie, grab junk food and just watch it. It cost very little and was relaxing!

If your ex isn't willing to help more then set aside and evening when your daughter is in bed and let your son stay up a bit later. It won't do him any harm, if anything it will do him some good! He needs more of your time. Your daughter needs you at this age though. She's too young to be with her dad if she is used to living with you.

Answer 10

I would try the week with you and then a week with Dad first. This should help some- the older child can get the attention he needs and the younger one still having time with Mom.

Answer 11

Your daughter should be with her mother (especially at this young age). I am not saying the father isn't good enough but it has been proved in the past that a separation from the mother at such a young age could cause the child attachment issues in the future. It sounds like it is very hard for you at the moment but you are doing well (don't beat yourself up). The fact that you know you need help and are asking for it (for the good of your children) is what makes you a good parent. Hang in there, don't give him full access (obviously your daughter is too young to make that decision so you must do it for her). Speak to your son, I know he is young but if he knows how upset mummy is he may try and help. Give him a project. Make him in control of something so he doesn't feel left out. Maybe you could tell him it is his 'job' to feed his sister or something like that. Once a young child of this age is given a 'responsibility' they usually throw themselves into the role. As far as the other stuff goes. Please just ask for help from your family and friends (and the Dad). Your baby should be with you (both of them). You sound like a very caring mummy. Please don't give up. x

Answer 12

whatever it is, it's still your daughter's father. this is just an advice, whatever other's advice is, it will be still you who is going to decide.

Answer 13

I would never have done that.  I'm sorry, I'm not trying to be horrid, its just cannot fathom giving up one of my children.

Siblings fight and have sibling rivalry all the time.  Its normal.  Its hard to give equal attention to multiple kids.  Its normal.  I don't understand what is so bad that you'd give her up.  

Have you considered moving closer to your friends?  Hiring a "mothers helper" or babysitter to help out at times?  Are the kids in daycare while you work?

I honestly think that your daughter is going to have major issues regarding this when she gets older.  Basically how she will see it is you chose your son over her.  And you gave her up.  I'm not being horrid, just honest.  Try to look into other options if you can.

Good luck!

Answer 14

i'd be more tempted to work out why you sonfinds hislitle sister so annoying and help him get on better with her. The worry is that your little girl will feel you chose your son above her.Your daughter already see's her father quite a lot so spend time with your son then trying to work out what the problem is.......

from what you say it seems to me the problem is more your son than your daughter...It's hard because she's 2 so difficult to explain why she may be better being with her father.............

You say she has family with her dad but she still has them even if she lives with you as she still see's her dad. Ask if she can maybe spend the odd night with him so you and your son can have quality time together

Answer 15

Listen it is not like you are throwing her away. You can see her and spend quality time with her. It was not a good situation with your son who is rebelling at this time. It is her Father that she is with and not a bad thing.

Now take this time with your son and build a relationship. Of coarse it is hard to see your daughter leave but being that the Father had so much visitation means that you can have that time also. It's better for you , your son , and your daughter !!!  

Answer 16

y dun u try taking turn taking care for her... like 1 week at ur place and 1 week at her dad's place...

ye u can try that.....

hope this helps :)

Answer 17

no