Should my friend choose adoption?

Question

My friend is 15 years old and is 5 1/2 months pregnant. She is due a few days before she is suppose to start 10th grade. The father was 19 years old and doesn't want to be involved. She has to go to school right after the baby is born. I think she should give the baby up for adoption. I know that it's her baby and she should be the one to take care of it and some may say the birth mother taking care of the baby is the best thing but is it really? The baby will have no father. Which by experience really sucks. She will have to go to school immediately after the babys born so in the most crucial bonding part of the baby's life she won't be there. Everyone in her family works full time so none of them will be able to watch the baby so wheres that leave the baby? With a babysitter? As soon as the baby's born?I just don't think thats right for the baby. Plus at 15 years old you cant find a job so theres no way she can take care of the baby.

Answer 1

Hi, I am adopted and think I can give you good feedback.  First of all, I'm extremely offended by those on here who say it's always best for a baby to be with his/her birth parents.  Any IDIOT can make a baby but it takes real heart, strength, and yes, money to raise a child.  So, NO,it's not always best for a child to stay w/ their birth parent.  The most unselfish,loving thing this young girl could do is choose adoption.  Second, these so called "strangers" that people refer to are mostly wonderful, kind, loving people who have DREAMED of having a child their entire marriage.  I have personally witnessed this.  My brother and sister-in-law were unable to have children and adopted a beautiful girl.  These "strangers" are 2 of the most wonderful, loving people you've ever met and any child would be lucky to grow up in their home.  They have a strong, loving marriage and could provide for this child more than money...more than happiness...but a better future.  Your sister-in-law is only 15 and has her whole life ahead of her.  Does she understand how having a baby will change the course of her entire life?  At 15, you are NOT emotionally ready to handle having a child unless you have a very strong, support system that can not only help with babysitting but also finances.  Without those 2 things in place, I'm afraid this child will be raised in a very sad situation.  I would make the offer to adopt but don't push her.  This is her decision and all you can do is be there for her during this difficult time.  Hopefully she will make a decision that is right for the child.  I personally know so many couples who are wonderful and would love adopting a child.  She shouldn't think of them as "strangers" because birth mothers actually do get to pick and do get to meet the people and get to know them before giving up their child.

Answer 2

Being a mother means putting the baby's needs first. She needs to think about if she can provide the emotional and financial support that a baby needs and deserves. If she can't, then she should find the baby a loving couple who can do that.

Answer 3

If you and your husband agree on adopting this baby, you need to let her know that it's an option available to her.  Otherwise, don't sell her on the concept and let her make her own decision.  She needs your strength and support.  She does not need you judging her decisions or telling her what she should and should not do.  You have already offered a lot of opinions in this post - you need to stop and just let her know that you are there for her NO MATTER WHAT she decides (on her own).

Answer 4

The father doesn't just get to decide he doesn't want to be involved. He can be court ordered to pay child support, and help with daycare costs and medical insurance, etc. She would also qualify for a number of programs if she chooses to raise the child including help with graduating.

Either way, adoption is an option, but I can't say what's best for another person. She needs to carefully weigh her options and do tons of research and get some help from a trusted adult.

Answer 5

Maybe you could offer to babysit the baby when your friend is in school.that way she can keep the baby,but know it is safe all day.can  you afford to babysit for free perhaps?.

Answer 6

It does sound like the best option for her, but at the same time it is going to be whatever she decides and the most important thing if for you to support her decision, because now is a time when she needs her friends the most. She can get child support from the father, and there are programs to help out young mothers that can afford to take care of their baby on their own. Just be there for her though. That is what will truly matter in the end.

Answer 7

In my opinion Adoption would be the best choice for everyone.  How does this girl expect to pay for day care or a sitter? How will she afford diapers, clothes and other things a child needs. You say her parents cant afford to help her out. Sure she could get some child support from the birthfather unless he signs his rights away,  but that wouldn’t cover everything.  Its generous of you to offer to adopt the child, then the birthmother could still be a part of the childs life perhaps as an “Aunt” she'd  still see and be in the kids life, but wouldn’t have the responsibilities of being a parent when she herself is still a child.

Answer 8

Deciding to put a baby up for adoption is a very difficult and delicate decision to make.  If she decides to give the baby up for adoption there are many things that she can consider... she can decide whether she wants visitation rights or none at all... I know of some adoptive families that invite the birth mother to b-days and holidays and keep her up to date on the baby's progress.  

What you can do as her friend is support her in whatever decision she makes.  She is going to have a difficult time whether or not she decides to give the baby up, so the more support and love she has around her the better she will be.

Good luck.

Answer 9

She needs to think this through. Just be their for her. I know that they have those "Care-schools" which allow previously-pregnant teens to bring their babies with them. I dunno. But I know EXACTLY where you're coming from. You only want the best for her and the baby. I wish her the best of luck.

Answer 10

First off I'm a bit biased on the topic of adoption because I was adopted. I absolutely don't believe that a baby must be with her birth mother. It is not always the best in my opinion. (Other times it is.) I think you should bring up the subject of you adopting her baby to her. Just see what she thinks. Leave it up to her, of course. Just let her know that the option is there. If not, I personally think it would be wonderful for you to help out with the care of the baby as much as you are able. Best of luck to you, the mom-to-be and your family with making these difficult decisions.

Answer 11

This is her desicion, I have an aunt who had a child at 15 and raised her beutifully. there is no garentee that a child given up for adoption will have a better life then the mother could provide. (adopted children get abused too).  If she has support from her family then it could be possible. Just be there to listen to her and see what she is leaning towards. Obv she didn't choose abortion so let her handle this next decision too.  It doesn't sound like your being a very good friend to her.

Answer 12

You can help her out by tring to offer her free baby sitting and stop the empty worries.

Answer 13

What's best for the baby is for the baby to stay with his or her mother.  Not to be shipped out to strangers to raise.  

If they don't have a program for moms in her high school, she can do her schoolwork from home.  She needs to contact Social Services to find out what is offered to help her. Adoption will not guarantee her baby a good life.  Many adoptees are just as abused and come from broken homes as often as kids who are never adopted.

Be a friend. Support your friend in HER decision, not your opinion. My Mom grew up without a father.  Yeah, it sucks, but it was worse for my son who grew up without his family.

Answer 14

From lots of experience I can say I do not think it is a good idea for you to adopt the baby.  Having an open adoption with a mature couple who are not so close to her, is better for the baby.  She can still be involved, etc., if she chooses open adoption, but just not in the baby's day to day life.  It may be very hard on her, something she could not possibly know now.  Advise your friend to call an adoption counselor, and at least agree to talk with one about her options before she decides.  It is SO HARD for teenagers to be mature enough to put the baby's needs first.  But then that is what being a mother is all about, right?  Teenage moms get caught up in the pregnancy, and the attention, and the tiny baby image.  They find it hard (and naturally so since they are still a child themselves) to deal in the reality of life long commitment, providing structure, stability, time, education, stimulation and support for (at least) 18 years, day in day out 24/7.  

There are also some teen mom groups that could fill her in real quick regarding getting past the "idea" of motherhood versus the "reality".  And if she wants to talk with an adoption professional, just have her look up adoption in the phone book, or she can write me for referrals of ethical adoption counselors.  Hope that helps!  : )

Answer 15

Oh my.  Get your baby wanting mind off her baby.  Seriously.

If you want to suggest adoption, you need to do it in a much more respectful way.  I suggest you read this article about safeguarding the rights of birthparents in adoption put forward by the Evan B Donaldson Adoption Institute.

Answer 16

I honestly think you should take on her baby. You clearly care for this girl, and if you take on the baby she will be able to see his/her birth mother while growing up. And like you said her baby can also grow up with your children. You sound like a strong woman, and that you have it in you. Ever since i read your answer 'your baby's view on abortion' i really think you are very admirable. And with that im sure you could bring up her baby well, and the child will always know that someone close cared for them. Good luck from me.

Answer 17

i am an adoptee from a 16 year old mother, for me, it was a positive experience. her life is just starting, and i dont think she could possibily be emotionally ready for a baby. i could be wrong, but 15 is so young

it will be the hardest decision of her life and will carry with her forever, but if she knows she cant take care of baby, then back her up on adoption. if you can take the baby in then great.

just let her know it doesnt make her a bad person or anything like that, it makes her a responsible and smart woman. i wish you all the best, i hope she is comfortable with whatever choice she makes

Answer 18

My mom adopted my son from birth & I've been able to watch him grow up. He's had a wonderful life. I can understand what she is going thru but tell her that she needs to consider what's best for the baby. Being a single mother is hard. I all ready had a 3 year old daughter when my son was born. I was on birth control & condoms & I still got pregnant. I couldn't have an abortion, that's murder & I couldn't give him to strangers. I commend you for considering raising the baby. Sit her down & talk to her & explain that she can see the baby any time she wants to, or offer to help her raise the baby. It's hard to let go of your baby. I gave my son to my mother because I love him & I couldn't offer him the life he deserved. Please get her to the doctor after the baby is born & get her on birth control. Explain to her that her & the abay deserve to have a good life & all that life has to offer.

Answer 19

i feel if she is old enough to have s*x she is old enough to rase and take care of her  baby ...no matter what it takes , and the father  dosn't need to be involved but he needs to  pay her childsupport ...

Answer 20

I understand were you are coming from but this is going to be up to your friend, you just need to be there for her.

Answer 21

It sounds like the best thing to do is choose adoption, there are people like me who can't have kids who would just love it and give it a good home with great education. it's a very unselfish thing to do if she can't care for it.

Answer 22

If she was responsible enough to get pregnant at a early age, then she is responible enough to raise that baby. she made her bed now she needs to lie in it. She shouldn't have had s*x in the first place. She made that choice not you. You can't tell her to give the baby up for adoption and she should be made to take care of the baby and maybe she would realize that s*x should have waited to marring age. You shouldn't be allowed to give up a accident just because you think you love some one and have s*x with them especially at 15 years old. it is a mistake made and lesson that will be learned the hard way. Don't have s*x if you don't want a accidentle baby. She needs to learn responiblity and learn what cause and effect of having premarital s*x. No she should not give it up. she needs to find a way to raise the baby and maybe she will learn to be responible for her own actions next time before she jumps in to bed with some guy. and not to mention that makes her jail bate if he is 19 years old he can go to jail for that if he doesn't want to take responibility for it.