Should my husband and I consider adopting outside of our race?

Question

My husband and I want to grow our family with biological and adopted children. Our hearts are open to any race that God would want in our family. Because of the area we are in the likelihood of us receiving a child from another race is very promising. This is exciting to us. My husband is in the military, we are both Caucasian and we both grew up in very diverse areas. Right now we are living in Mississippi and there are a number of racist people here. We will probably only live here for about two years. Should we allow the stigma in the area we are in stop us from adopting outside our race for now?

Answer 1

Don't let other people's opinions put a stop on something that you both want to do.  You'll be helping a child and yourselves for doing such a lovely thing!  Race has nothing to do with the love you can give that child or vice versa and other people need to see that as well.  By doing something of the sort in an area where there are racist people, hopefully you can open their eyes to new things.  

I think what you want to do is great and you shouldn't let anyone stop you!

Answer 2

definately don't let your surroundings bring you down! the love for a child is so strong and it shouldn't matter what race the child is. i think that whatever the first available child for you is, you should adopt them- no matter what the color of their skin is. good luck!

Answer 3

I definitely think that adopting outside of your race is a great idea.  I feel their is such a problem with Caucasians and other races as well not wanting to adopt outside of their race for reasons of not feeling as close to that child, or mainly what others may think.  As a Caucasian American it is very important for us to accept every race and i feel that adopting a child, if not from another country but at least from another race makes a positive statement for not only Americans but for the kind of loving person that you are as well.

Answer 4

Okay, let me prefaced my answer by telling you I am the adoptive mother of a child of another race, and I love my daughter more than anything.  I am so proud to have her as my child.  We have a wonderful relationship, and I would never trade our life together.   My husband and I are caucasion, our daughter is Hispanic.  When we went through the adoption process, we were asked if we would consider a child of another race.  At that time, in the place we lived, the people Hispanics were nice people.  We didn't think there would be any problems.   About the time our daughter turned 5, the eco/social climate of the community we lived in began to change, and a different class of this Hispanics began to move in.      By the time my daughter reached middle school, she began to have problems.  Many of the white kids prejudice against her because she was 'Mexican', many of the Hispanic were prejudiced against her calling her a 'wannabe'.   and other things.....

What would my advice be?  From what I watched my daughter go through, and seeing how she suffered from the cruelty of others, I'd advise you not to.   Before you adopt a child of another race, think long and hard about it.  Remember, it isn't just about the 2 of you, but consider the feelings of the child, and what they are going to go through at the hands (and mouths) of others who.  

And just moving to another part of the country won't get you away from prejudice. It is everywhere in the world.

Answer 5

A child of any race will be no less your child!  My adopted son looks nothing like me but we are certainly mother and son!

Answer 6

What a ridiculous question. Are you really willing to conform to racism? Do you even have to ask yourself?

Answer 7

brangelina did it, so should you!

Answer 8

My suggestion would be to read the book, "In their own voices".  Its a book about bi-racial and African American people adopted by caucasian parent(s).  The adoptees are now adults talking about their childhoods and interracial adoption.

Start by reading the stories in the middle of the book.  If you start at the beginning, i'm afraid you won't get past the first few stories.  Good Luck

Answer 9

No reason not to get a mixed race child,God Bless you and your husband. The child will be in the right home. As a Southerner I must defend the people of Mississippi,they are on the most part very gentle and loving people and Christians too. Anyone that attacks a child because he is mixed blood is a coward and is beyond a racist and they are everywhere.So with the strength you and your husband seem to have don't let that stop you. And thank your husband for his military service.

Answer 10

Simple: Because there Children! and for a child it should'nt matter,I would give my life for a child who could grow in a stable,loving,warm Home.  With parents whom would shower their children with all of life has to offer.  I am caucasin and was adoppted,And I know the the feeling of what it is to be the OUTSIDER,the one who is DIFFERENT.and who is LOVED.  If you cant love for whatever reason because their is a difference,as u will face them all through the years and are either cant deal or are affraid to deal with those issue's. Then you know your answer! This is YOUR desision,and must be well thought,anything less than your best, is not desserved.

Answer 11

two things:

-adopting trans-racially is not as easy as many think.  there are many things to take into consideration, including culture and your willingness to understand and embrace that culture.

-i would suggest that you not allow the stigma of racism to stop you or the belief that it is your "god given right" to save them. both are problematic. also, understand that minority children WILL experience racism, regardless of what you do to protect them.  in other words, their experience will be fundamentally different from yours as a caucasian.

to the poster in all CAPS...

-colored is a derogatory, antiquated term, which really shows your lack of compassion and ignorance.

-what school did you get accepted to that will allow you, with your limited cultural sensitivity, to write a paper on a topic as sensitive as adoption.  i cringe to see the findings of your study.

Answer 12

Absolutely not - Check out my myspace. Feel free to send me a friend request!

myspace.com/spencerisamiracle

My son is Mexican/African American. Best decision of my life. I from deep East Texas and so is my family. I pretty sure some people in my extended family might be racist but they have opened their hearts to my son. I believe through the adoption of my son, people's hearts have been changed. Isn't that a miracle? Also, I've gotten looks before, but who cares what white trash people think? As long as your family supports and loves your child, that's all that matters.

Answer 13

Of course! Why not??? Babies are babies!!!

EDIT- Chrissie below me is right. Don't continue on a chain of ignorance. If I really wanted a baby, I wouldn't care about what country they came from, the way they looked, their religious background or creed; only that I can love them and give them a wonderful life.

Answer 14

i am a biologically hispanic person. my parents are as white as white can be. i was raised in a part of texas that is a majority hispanic. i have fine thin reddish curly hair and a wide nose. i have been asked,"what are you" more times than i can count. no one was nice until i grew up. i was called a white wanna be( it hurt when i was little) and told that i was a race trader because i couldn't speek spanish. the white kids sometimes befriended me but mostly only the "bad" kids that couldn't get other friends.I was from a wealthy christian family,but most of my peers thought i was less than them and some even called me dirty.the mexican kids didn't want to be my friend because i was not one of them either. my mother and i both think that if she knew how miserable my childhood would be she would have NOT said "whatever child God sends me will be a blessing". we are a very close family and i am very blessed,but i do have problems with self esteem and acceptance and trust. i can't seem to believe that anyone could want me for me and not have an ulterior motive. it has given me the ability to truely believe that race and "culture" do not matter and i think that is a blessing all people should learn.but i also tend to think negative thoughts about hispanic females in general.

Answer 15

I would first like to start off by saying you and your husband are beautiful people. The fact that you are even thinking about helping a child that is not of the same race as you two is nice. But going into this you already know that there is alot of ugly people out there! and it is sad. I take care of kids in my nieghborhood for going on 3 yrs, and am currently trying to become a foster parent. But about a yr ago we went to Disney land and i had two children beside mine and one was black and the other was Asian. I am Hispanic and my husband is white. Well there was so many people sitting there talking c**p about us and the kids were asking us why are they calling us zebras and monkeys? mind you these kids were only 5 and 7. and instead of filling their heads up with bull c**p i just explained to them that they were very uneducated and maybe when they were little they had no one to love them. But i think it hurt me more then them! I wanted to smash those people. But it hurt bad. But i have learned how to ignore idiots. You just have to be very strong and if you ever need someone to talk to please don't hesitate to email me!! I might have alot to help you with! Good Luck and God Bless you both. and please tell your husband thank you for all he has done for this country!! He is a double saint. you two are def, going to heaven!!

Answer 16

If you even have to ask this question, my answer is NO!

When I adopted my five children (from birth) it never entered my head as to what other people would think.  This was 1964 and we adopted two black babies (now wonderful adults),  

If this thought is even in your head, you should not adopt a child outside of your race, since it seems as if it would bother you if you got any backlash, from anybody.

I have never cared what other people thought, and at that particular time, never listened to those that told me I would be making a mistake.

My sons were worth every racist remark I received, which I ignored and taught my children how to do the same thing, in a positive way.

Answer 17

God has NOTHING to do with it.  If God micromanaged the way you suggest he does, you'd have your OWN child, and these children you're thinking of adopting would have their parents.

PLEASE, don't load these kids down with "God meant for us to have you"

UGH.  Have a heart!

Answer 18

I would go for it and not let it stop you. Don’t give the racists the power over your family.  You will encounter racist people anywhere you go. Depending on the age of the child you adopt they will be oblivious to it till they are older. Once they are older perhaps you will be living in a more race friendly place. However again you can encounter racism anywhere maybe not as blunt or obvious but its there. You would have to prepare child(ren) you adopt who are not white, prepare them for that. There are countless books on transracial  adoption. Since you both have had a diverse up brining and are military family I’m sure you can get some insight and suggestion  from your non-white friends and associates.  On how to deal with it when it comes up, help your child deal with it.

Answer 19

When you adopt outside of your race you will NEVER get away from the racism.  And who cares??? There will always be uneducated, cruel and rude people n the world.

My dd is biracial and my husband and I are Caucasian. We have encountered rude racists people...but we have met more kind and loving people. You do not need to seek the approval of other people to love a child!!!

Love is color blind and for those who can not support you  then they will have no place in your life. You would be surprised at how a baby softens the stony heart of a racist.  However do not believe you are going to change the world...because you are not. However you will change the life of this child!!!

Best of luck to you and your hubby!!!

Answer 20

Go for it!!!

Answer 21

Fir the childs sake, waittil you have a chance to move to a more accepting community. (If you were already planning on moving.)

Answer 22

We are a caucasian couple who adopted African children.  

To be honest, the community in which your children are raised, will impact them.  That's unavoidable.  But the question is, how will you deal with it?  You will get some rude and racist comments wherever you live, but granted, it may be worse in your community than others.  You will also be noticed, as a family unit, wherever you go.  Every time my family goes into a restaraunt, heads turn.  And they always will, but we don't pay attention to it as much as we used to.  Some looks will be approving and some will be disapproving.  Both types of looks can and will come from both caucasian people and African american people.

There is something about adoption that makes people feel entitled to approach perfect strangers and ask some very personal and often rude questions.  Most of the time, people are simply curious.  Curiousity, I can deal with.  But the fact that our social mores about what is, and is not, appropriate to ask strangers point-blank, is sometimes ignored when adoption is involved, just boggles me.  

It is very important for children of a different race than their parents to be exposed to positive role models of their own race.  There is also the matter of skin/hair care to keep in mind.  I can't do cornrows or microbraids to save my life, so we take our daughter to an ethnic stylist.  It's extremely important that you take care of your children's hair/skin for the self esteem of the child.  

And the African American community will judge you, as a caucasian couple, by the condition of your children's skin/hair.  I can't tell you how many times I've been approached by African Americans in the street and been complimented that we take the time and effort to ensure that our children (particularly our daughter) has neatly groomed hair.    This may seem off-topic, but it's important that if you can't braid hair, there is someplace you can bring your children where it can be done.  

Bottom line, discuss this with your husband, the rest of your family and your friends.  If you think it would be best to wait until you leave this community, do so.  If you think you can deal with the racism there as well as provide the children opportunity to meet and know positive role models, then go for it.

Good luck.

Edit: Mom5girlz is right, "In their own voices" is a great book!  So is "Inside Transracial Adoptions."   We read both frequently before we adopted.

Answer 23

Absolutely not - don't let the stigma in the area stop you!!  If you want a child, then you want a child - it doesn't matter what race!  Good luck to both of you!

Answer 24

Do not let other people change your mind. Adopt an Asian baby they are so adorable! Or Phillipino and Mexican mixed babies are beautiful. I think it's an amazing thing to do, and you should not let anyone stop you!

Answer 25

adopt any child you feel comfortable adopting. dont worry about other people, the race doesnt matter. i know families that adopted children of different races and it worked well.

Answer 26

I wouldn't let it stop you at all! Mu husband and I are an interracial couple and we plan on adopt a child out side of both of our races! We come from such a culturally diverse area though it will be completely normal! People cant tell what we are anyway so why not keep them guessing!