Should my mom come to LA with me to visit his parents for the first time?

Question

im 21 years old and i live in new york. my boyfriend (22), also lives in ny but came from Los Angeles, Ca. He and his family have invited me to go to LA over winter break (after the holidays) to meet them. by that time we would be together for over a year. i have no problem with this trip and we are both excited about it. nothing is definite yet.

here is where i need help: my mom.

i live with my mom alone. shes upset that i want to go to LA to meet his parents without her. she says that the right thing to do is to meet the family with your own family (which in my case is my mother).

we wouldnt be sleeping in the same room together. his family is pretty excited about me going over there.....

what do i do about this? i really want to go, but i really feel that i should go on this trip on my own and then on the next trip she could come... am i wrong in thinking this?

Answer 1

I would question why they did not invite your mom to come along in the first place, especially considering your age.  Your mom is probably feeling hurt, but you have to make this call.  I personally think that it would have been more appropriate for them to include your mom for the initial meeting.

Answer 2

I think you should go alone with your bf, the main reason being that you will be spending quite a while there and it would put extra pressure on his parents to have your mother there too - it could cause awkwardness and they would go to extra trouble if they thought your mother was also coming.  Maybe at some stage they could visit New York and meet your mother there or as you say take mum on the next trip to L.A.  Also his parents might feel slightly nervous re meeting you for the first time and taking your mum just puts extra pressure on them.

Answer 3

I don't think there is any reason for her to go. This is not the 19th century, and those types of rules have become outdated. I would agree that maybe you shouldn't get engaged before the families have met, just out of courtesy, but you are only meeting them - and really, I think you could sleep in the same room, too, as you are both grown adults.

But either way, bringing your mom sounds like a whole big pile of awkward to me. What if it turns out she doesn't get along with them?? At least if you go alone you can feel the situation out first. Tell her you're going by yourself, and not to worry, you'll make a good impression which will reflect well on her parenting.  

Answer 4

My honest opinion is that your parents should come with you to meet your boyfriends parents.  Dating is about finding a potential marriage partner and if you marry then your families will be joined.  I don't think it's good to leave them out of this.  I mean, they don't have to like his parents or anything; it's all your choice but they should still be included.

Answer 5

No, since this is your first meeting with his parents, mom needs to stay home. You need to do this on your own. Your boyfriend met your mom without his parents there. It's time for her to loosen the apron strings.