Should my parents get a divorce?

Question

My parents are always fighting, if not they are ignoring each other. When i say always, i mean literally always. It's been like this for at least two years now.

I told him to go to marriage council but my father already has the mindset of "it's not gonna work"

Today they asked me for my opinion , and i don't know.

btw i'm in college, but i've got two younger brothers in middle school, so i try to consider for them as well... is it better to see your parents fight all the time, or not see one of them?

Answer 1

If they are selfish and they are not treating each other with love, respect, trust, communication and always making each other happy, then they should definitely get a divorce.  

Answer 2

I'm going to send you some positive vibes.  

Be strong and stay supportive of your parents.  It actually sounds like you have a loving parents that just hit a rough patch where they aren't on the same page...that's normal...and sometimes it takes some time to get back on the same page.    

  

Think about those little cute old couples that you see holding hands in the store...you don't think they had their share of arguments and rough times..??  In comparison, to have only two rough years of disagreements compared to being married for 50 years...not bad.  People grow and change at different times of their lives...it's not humanly possible to be the same page ALL of the time.  It's not always peaches and cream to be married.  It takes patience and understanding and letting go of your ego.  I wish the best for your parents and you kids...  I think with a little patience and understanding your family will be fine!   Good luck to you all!

Answer 3

Why are they asking your opinion? This should be decision for them and ONLY them to make! However, since you have been consulted, having 2 happy homes is much better then 1 very disturbed home. Also, have you asked your brothers what they think?

Answer 4

my parents where exactly the same, never talking and always shouting! they asked me the same question and put me under the same pressure! i told them that i would rather have two happy parents that were seperated than two miserable parents that stay together for the family! Since the separation 2 years ago, we are so much closer as a family...mom and dad get on really well too now.

it was the hardest thing the family has had to endure, and my younger brother and  sister took a long time to deal with it, but we have all come through to other end and are all a really close happy family unit!

I would suggest that you sit down as a family and try to discuss it...if your mom and dad start picking at eachother or start to argue them tell them, you(and your brothers) dont want this and want to sort it out maturely!

Your parents will defiantly respond to this as they love you all.

i hope it all works out

x

Answer 5

If my parents asked that question (thankfully it never happened in my life), I would tell them that what I want is for my Mom & Dad to be together.  I would tell them there was a reason they married in the first place (and had children) and that you wished they would really try counciling first. Not going in with the mindset of "it's not gonna work" but with the mindset that "I want it to work" (t goes for both of them).  I would tell them that if they honestly tried to resolve their differences and it didn't work, that while you might not be happy your parents are getting divorced you understand their reasoning and don't hold a grudge against either of them.

A lot of marriages have rocky periods (sometimes lasting a year or two) and in many cases the problems work themselves out or go away (with many couples re-connecting and having a happy life together afterwards).  It's simply trying to get to that point..

Answer 6

It must be very uncomfortable for you to hear and see your parents acting this way. Do they realise the effect their behaviour may have on their children or are they so totally absorbed in arguing with each other that nothing and no one else matters ........unfortunately, this is often the case. Until they have resolved things or change their dysfunctional behaviour toward each other, there is not a lot you can do. It is their problem, even though you are there in the middle listening to it all. If you have the time and inclination, you could try to grab one of the quieter moments and talk with both of them - let them know how you feel and what effects you think their constant arguing is having on the younger kids. Sometimes parents get so caught up with their hatred for eachother  they fail to see what impact they are having on their children. Perhaps they simply are not aware of how their children are feeling and it might be time they did. If you believe your younger siblings need support during this time, perhaps you could mention the problem to the school counsellor. It was interesting that your parents did take the time to ask your opinion. It was sad that when confronted you were not able to take that opportunity to say exactly how you felt. Having missed that opportunity however, should make it easier for you to approach them and tell them you have had time to think things over.............................and that you do know that they are having a negative impact on you and possibly the younger two. Your suggestion to your Dad to seek counselling was a good one so hold that one up your sleeve when you speak with them and extend the suggestion to include your Mum so both may consider counselling together. It doesnt work for every couple but it works for many. They can but try. Tell them that if they were to consider this, that you would feel proud of the fact they at least made the effort. The rest I am sure they will work out for themselves - either together or separately. Hang on in there and dont think you are too young to offer advice. At times parents NEED to hear things they may not necessarily like. It may not be a bad idea to let them read your question and this reply. It may show them the extent you were prepared to go to in order to seek advice and how you yearn to have peace in your household.