Should my sister contact her son?

Question

My sister just found her son that she gave up 16 years ago on myspace. She figured it out by his first name and last state of residence (and age of course), and his picture on the page. I just looked at his page, which hasn't been updated in a year, and it listed her under the people he would like to meet one day. He's 16 and the adoption was closed. Should she contact him? Should she try to contact his parents first?

I know from experience that 16 year old boys can be very confused and unstable, so I think she may be better off waiting until he's 18. Then again, I was very excited by the news and would love to meet him. I know she wants to contact him and meet him immediately. But she is cautious and respectful at the same time. Thanks.

Answer 1

i think if she decides to pursue it now, she should definitely contact his adopted parents first since they are the adults and he is still a child.

if she decides to wait until he is an adult, then i think she would be ok to contact him without going to the parents...

just my opinion...

Answer 2

She can't until he is 18.

Answer 3

Just ask him on the myspace page do you want to meet your  birth mother ? Tell him you know her, let him say yes or no.

Answer 4

Well, this is VERY TRICKY. Did he mention on myspace that he was adopted and does he KNOW he was. Well, if he did say that, then YES, I would contact and I would tell him that there is a 'CHANCE' that is his Mom,but not certain until they check all the facts,etc. I would tell him that you'd feel more comfortable with him including his adoptive parents. I think harm can only come from doing things behind their backs. So, go for it, IF the already knows he's adopted. IF he doesn't know and you can't verify that he knows, THEN I'd go straight to his parents only!  

Answer 5

NO!!! First of all if she cares abetut this child (that idoesn'tnt really sounds like she does becz she gave it up for adoption) she should never meet him... He has been with the new family for like 16 years. If she goes to meet lets say her 'SON' she will confuse him pretty much at this age. If i were her, I wouldnt go meet him and hurt him once more. Most propably he already forgot you... DONT GO.

But that is just my oppinion.

Answer 6

YES!!!!!

It's obvious they both want to meet each other. There is nothing wrong with wanting to meet him and him wanting to meet her I am sure they are both curious.

You said his picture is up on the page. Does he look anything like her?

Answer 7

ummm yeah!  duh!

Answer 8

I think she can contact the adoptive parents and request their permission to meet her son, but she should NOT go behind their backs and meet him without their permission.  If they agree, great.  If not, she can contact him when he's of legal adult age, not before.

cw

Answer 9

Speaking as an adoptee - this scenario would have been a dream come true for me !!!!!!!!

It's hard to say - I was never a teenage boy; but please wish your sister all the best reuniting with her son, I hope all goes well.

Answer 10

YES!

Answer 11

That would make a lovely myspace story...

Seriously for like MYSPACE PROPAGANDA.

haha!

But really... if there isn't any other way that she can contact him and he already knows he's adopted, then I would go for it!

Good luck!!  

Answer 12

I was fifteen when I met my biological mother and father and I will tell you at that stage in my life i wish I had not met my biological mother or father. Too many other emotional states going on, being a teenager it hard enough let alone extra baggage.

I know how badly your sister must want to contact her son, but with my experience I would advise her to wait until he's an adult.

Personal opinion, that's all.  

Answer 13

She needs to make contact with his family first.

Get their permission, otherwise it could make waves for her.

THEN with their blessings, meet with him.

By the way, Myspace does come in handy. It's how I found 3 of my long lost siblings. Tell your sister Good luck! And to be patient, I know she's got to be excited!

Answer 14

They both have expressed that they wish to meet one another.  She relinquished voluntarily, and If neither has a restraining order against making contact, there is no legal reason they cannot.  She may have given up her right to be his legal mother, but she didn't give up all of her other rights as a citizen.

Sixteen is a tough time.  The other thing to consider is that his parents do have the right to forbid it -- not because she is his first mother, but simply because they are his parents and he is a minor.  This gives them the right to monitor and direct his friendships and other relationships.  That's a consideration, but certainly not an absolute reason not to make contact.

Personally, I think it's fine to make the contact.  It's not like she has no idea how he feels.  He's already made it public that he wants to meet her by placing this desire on his MySpace page.