Question:

Should one treat a Star-Spawn of Cthulhu with good old British Politeness?

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Woe betide the wrath of Cthulhu! The blind Seer boomed as I left the Anglers shop in a small Village in Dorset.

"Okay Sir, I will." I states perplexed, my fishing friend was equally beguiled by this ominous chap. We had only popped in for some Meal Worms as we fancied a spot of fly fishing on the River Piddle, and perhaps a look at the "Carriers" streams also, rather good for fly fishing it has to be said.

Looking back at the Seer, his gnarly hand held out with an admonishing and foreboding finger, his sightless pale eyes wide in terror as he jabbered some incantation to ward off some invisible terror. Daft old Duffer I thought, and with that. . myself and Ethel (a fly fishing Champion for the over Seventies no less) went to set up in a prominent position by the river. In preparation for the River's Bounty and as a thanks for our Lord we sung as a duet "This is the world that God made".

Then we commenced fishing.

"By Jove!" I shouted at Ethel. "I've got one! A real wriggly bugger too, get the net Dear!" She swiftly pulled up her baggy apple-catchers and hoisted them up and over her pot ensuring her Frock wouldn't get wet and waded into the stream ready to haul the thrashing creature onto the bank. . . . when, an almighty and hideous wail bubbled out of the threshing waters! She leapt back with a shriek as an Unholy creature emerged from the depths of the stream! Tendrils and tentacles thrashing, howling with an alien screech, "Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeehhh!"

Plucky Old Ethel brandished a stick and clubbed the Monstrosity between it's tiny squiggly little eyes.

"Waaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh!" It roared and just then, the very same Blind Seer turned up with a posse of Villagers brandishing pitchforks and torches,

"Behold!" Shouted the Seer "Star-Spawn of Cthulhu! Brethren, send this foulness back to London, it shall not plague our Godly waters no more with Mediterranean Cooking!" And with that the Dorset Chaps waded in and hauled the outnumbered Monster and placed him a tank full of Krill.

"What of the Creature?" I asked the Seer, as I felt a little sorry for the scaly Cherub to be honest.

"Fear not Angler, it will be taken to the London Aquarium, County Hall, Westminster Bridge Road on the South Bank, and will be well tended for. Another Star-Spawn from Padstow was caught, and they shall keep each other company."

Myself and Ethel went over to the tank, and sure enough the Star-Spawn of Cthulhu was sitting contently sieving Krill through it's Mandibles, and a low happy purring bubbly sound could be heard as

he snatched a Minnow from me and chomped it up eyes blinking in bliss.

"Farewell Star-Spawn!" I waved, then me and Ethel continued fishing till Twilight, and sauntered off to the Hotel for a hot shower. . . together! Oooooer!

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  1. Well done Sir. I congratulate you and the brave lady Ethel in capturing  the beast. The repressed and enslaved minions of Padstow are no doubt toasting your courage and singing your praises into the night.

    The evilness of Rick Stein must be eradicated from this fair land, no more shall we embrace his foreign ways-battered fish from the chippy for all!

    As for Ethel and you,2 pensions are better than 1! Happy fishing you old rogue.


  2. Cracking ye olde tale

  3. Absolutely not. Please note my response to another Star-Spawn posting under food and wine.

    Yet another very good political commentary.

    Cheers!

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