Should parents direct and comment on children's play?

Question

I am thinking mainly about people who guide their children toward gender-specific play, e,g dolls for girls but not boys, and rough play for boys only.

How involved should parents be in kid's imaginative play?

Answer 1

Only observation is necessary for supervisory purposes if that!

I child's imagination is not something that can be directed it is a part of that child and will come about naturally. Any sort of play should be child led, the parent needs to take a step back and let the child lead them, the child is the expert in this area. If a parent would like to engage with the child in play they can use open ended questions that encourage the child to talk about what they are doing.

After all it doesn't matter how a child plays, only that the child has the opportunity to express their imagination, emotions and even frustrations through their play and follow their schematic process until they are ready to move on to a new schema.

Forcing a child in a direction of play they are not ready for or do not want to take part in will do them no good, just as forcing them away from something the parent deems inappropriate (dolls for boys) will be counter productive, after all we all want our husbands to help with the baby so let little boys become accustomed to this by playing dolls and babies as a child.

For girls also, the opportunity for risk taking is so important and should not be an activity solely catered to boys, girls need to climb, jump, fall and get cuts and grazes just as much as boys do and most enjoy it immensely.

Answer 2

Well, parents should allow children to explore gender roles. There's nothing wrong with a boy playing daddy, or even mommy, with dolls. Both boys and girls, especially ages 2 to 5, like to play dress up with dresses and also with firefighter outfits, etc. Letting a boy play dress up or house or dolls will not make him g*y!Girls need to be exposed to a little rough and tumble play as well, to feel empowered etc.

Most experts would say to intervene only if play becomes dangerous or overtly sexual (ie. kissing, doctor, genital play).

here are some great articles to help you...

http://www.drspock.com/faq/0,1511,7719,0...

http://www.drspock.com/article/0,1510,39...

http://www.drspock.com/article/0,1510,55...

One way that it is GOOD to intervene is by scaffolding.That just means adding an extra dimension to thier play. If a child is using a block to build you can ask-what are you building? Or, if a child is rocking a baby- what is your baby's name?

Answer 3

I totally agree with GP.  It's only a problem when you make it one.

Answer 4

I do not think that parents should be involved in play, unless they are participating as a spectator or as a follower. If they are teaching the child something and are directing the play for a lesson, that is ok too.

But I think that play should be left open, as children are learning about themselves and the world in their own unique way. Changing how they play is changing who they are. Criticizing their play choices or guiding them away from something they like just for 'gender reasons' is not only silly, it also is detremental to their sense of self, as you are basically telling them that what they like and who they are is wrong.

Answer 5

Kids will play with whatever they want....no matter what you give them (unless they are a single child w/no choice).   My son would sit down and play Barbie's with his little sister and she would in turn play with the Hot Wheels.   No big deal unless you turn it into one.

Answer 6

Imagination comes with being a kid. So does exploring. In my house, it's all girls (children wise), so we tend to buy girly things, BUT I will admit we have a few Tonka trucks laying around. Kids don't understand what their toys are more geared towards (boys,girls), so it really doesn't make a difference. Let kids be kids, and don't worry about what gender their toys are for.

Answer 7

This question made me laugh - I remember when my boys were little, I was a member of a church that frowned on toy guns, etc.  My little boys never had guns.  So they built them out of lego.

I gave them dolls toplay with - they never looked at them.

My girls on the other hand, play football, had pink radio controlled cars, etc etc.  They had much more choice than the boys and they revelled in it.

I do think that children should have access to all, but parents can and do feel a failure when their children decide for themselves and reject the carefully thought out and structured play as devised by their parents.