Should parents intervene in toddlers or older children's fights?

Question

I do, but mostly as an impartial moderator.

Answer 1

If it's an argument, I usually only get in it if they get real ugly or loud.  If it's fighting, I'll get in it if it seems to be getting serious (my kids wrestle all the time, and are pretty evenly matched).

Answer 2

All my parents would is stop us long enough to hand us the first aid kit and tell us to go outside because they didn't want blood on the carpet.  They told us not to come whining if we got hurt and only to come tell if there was bone protruding through skin or a severed artery some how all 7 of us survived and now joke about it.

Answer 3

I think parents should defiantly intervene with toddlers. Young children do not yet have the experience and worlds to handle some situations on their own. You want to be sure you are not taking over the argument, but rather helping the children work through it.

For example:

Two 4 year olds(Sam and John) are fighting because John took Sam's toy.

There is no way that 4 yr olds are going to be able to handle this on their own, if it has gotten to the argument. A parent needs to go over and help the children work through and find a solution.

IMO, the best way would be to separate the two boys and stop the argument. Since Sam is the one that lost the toy, the parent needs to give the child the right words to get the toy back. The adult should then tell Sam to tell John. "I was playing with that toy, please give it back." When John refuses, the adult needs to step in a tell John that he can give the toy back on his own, or they will take it. Then tell John to ask Sam if he can have it when he is done.

This walks the children through the proper steps in solving the problem, so that eventually they will be able to do the same thing on their own. The adult was not intrusive, but rather a bystander that stepped in when needed.

I think the same thing needs to be done for older children as well. However, they often can be allowed to work out their differences longer, as it doesn't turn into hitting or pushing as quickly. Older children should be allowed some time to work it out themselves, but if it starts to go south an adult should step in.

I think an adult should always step in when a child asks. I see many parents complaining when their child "tattles", but fail to realize the child is asking for help with the situation. Some parents get upset when the child tattles, but they also get upset when the child solves the issue on their own through physical means(which is often the only way they know). Its almost a double edge sword, the child cannot ask for help, b/c its tattling, but does not know how to fix the problem themselves.

Answer 4

I say phsycal right away, but if their just disagreeing kids are going to do it! But if it starts to get mean like name calling or such just try to get the point across of that's wrong. But kids are going to fight, as long as its harmless the will probably get over it. Most of the time with older children Parents can actually complecate the fight.