Should parents that have adopted internationally try to find the their child's mother or ......?

Question

play the "lets wait and see what happens" game?

In countries like Guatemala where thousands of birth certificates were tampered with.

This story is sad and I wouldn't ever want to be an AP partially responsible for this.

http://www.cnn.com/2008/US/07/11/guatemalan.adoption/

Answer 1

I think it probably depends on the situation in the country from which the child is adopted.

My three daughters are from China.  One was adopted as an infant, 12 years ago;  the other two were older, special needs children.   It is highly likely that they were genuinely abandoned by their birth families, and not "trafficked".   It would be very difficult, if not impossible, to find their birthparents.

However, what I have done to keep connections open with China is to keep the lines of communication open with people in each daughter's hometown.  For example, my youngest daughter lived in a foster home for most of her life, and I write periodically to her foster mother.   I also e-mail her orphanage with periodic updates.  My oldest daughter has a close friend who still lives in the orphanage and is now an adult.  She speaks enough English for us to e-mail each other every couple of weeks.   She has been able to tell me quite a bit about my daughter as a younger child.    There is an American living and working near the orphange where my middle daughter lived, and I've been able to get updates on the area.

I am hoping that through these communications, and when the political situation changes in China, there will be more methods available to track down birth families as the kids get older.

Answer 2

I adopted my son from Guatemala in 2005 and perhaps because of situations like in the above-referenced article, my son had a DNA test and was photographed with his natural mother when he was 3 days old.  His natural mother also had to sign documets at four different times throughout the process and could have changed her mind at any time.

If she wanted to changed her mind, it would have been very easy for her to claim "victim" and get the police involved.  Isn't that what you would do if your child was stolen- call the police?  They do have police in Guatemala.  And if that fails, the media would have loved, LOVED to talk with her.

As far as the citizenship issue.  Once my son was allowed to become a US citizen, I applied for his certificate (in 2006) and got it.  I didn't and don't want "citizenship" issues down the line.  You never know what the future holds for immigrants these days.

In addition, in 2006 I requested all of the papers regarding my son's adoption from the USCIS, via the Privacy Act/FOIA and Return of Original Documents forms.  I am number 20-some thousand in a total of 70-some thousand total pending with the USCIS.  No, not because I'm afraid he was stolen for adoption, but because I am hoping to get the original DNA photograph that was taken.  The only pictures I received were dark copies...  and I want something better for my son to have.  He his natural mother's beautiful big brown eyes!

And, yes, I have tried to contact his natural family through the attorney and have asked to keep my letter on file in case they contact her.

Lastly, if anything ever happened and someone tried to send my son back to Guatemala, my family knows I'm going too.  And when I told my Mother that, she said, well he can't go without me either.

So, to answer your question...

I'm not sure if finding the natural mother after the adoption is completed is a good thing.  Sometimes *as you should well know, since you know everything* the natural mothers could have been abused, raped, or whatever...  and they could be in danger if attention were brought to themselves or their family.  

Now ofocourse prior to the adoption being finalized there should be full contact with the natural mother and father.

As an adoptive parent I am not responsible for any illegalities or crimes.  I did everything to the book and according to domestic and international laws...  then I had to PROVE it all by documenting everything, getting all papers notarized, certified and authenticated by the Guatemalan Embassy in Washington DC.  The same Embassy where I periodically take my son to visit.

Are there problems with international adoptions in Guatemala- ah YES, (duh)...  but there are problems at home as well (look at the US foster care system- ugh).

Answer 3

I've put a link at the bottom to a more detailed story about this case.  The parents were told the adoption involved corruption, but figuring that the disputed mother wouldn't come back to claim her they decided she'd be better off with them than in an orphanage. (Although, if she had been stolen, her real mother would have a lot better chance of finding her in a Guatemalan orphanage than here in the US).  

Knowing that the US wouldn't issue her a visa, or recognize her adoption, they campaigned to get her here any way they could. They finally got that two year humanitarian parole to bring her to the US.  What were they thinking would happen next? It seems to me that they were gambling that once she was here, no one would want to make her leave and some kind of exception would be made for them. That's a heck of a gamble to take with a little girl's life.

I agree with you that APs should search.  I found my son's mom as soon as I could. I know a lot of AP's that are searching now, although having waited ten years or so it's not easy for them. Back at the time we were all told that an adoptee's search belongs to the adoptee.  We were told that if we searched, because of the culture, we could get the moms in trouble. When I started looking, some people said I shouldn't because it would be awful to know there was trafficking involved.  Not knowing wouldn't make trafficking ok. It felt like tearing my heart out, but I was prepared to do the right thing rather than tear out my son's mom's heart - and his, one day.

I found someone who could search discreetly. We have dna confirmation. I swabbed my son here, our contact did his mother's swab in Asia, so I don't see how we could've been tricked. Now I know for sure that my son's mother relinquished him willingly and for what reasons. My son's mother knows where he is, and I've tried to support her so she can keep her other children.  When my son had a medical emergency, I was able to email through our contact and get family history that saved my son from having a lot of extra tests. I've found out that he has a sister here, and I'm searching for her so her mother will know if she's ok, and so she will know who/where her mother & brothers are.

Answer 4

I adopted my daughter, Camiella from Italy. Unfortunately, Cami's mother died during birth and that's why she was in foster care. If her mother was alive, I would definitely do everything in my power to help her find her birth mother once she was older. I know that if I was adopted, I would want to be able to know my birth parent(s).

Answer 5

We bombarded our daughter's nanny with questions, but unfortunately there was nothing she could tell us that would get us anywhere. I envy the parents whose children were in foster care as they seemed to get more info from them. We plan to go back to China when baby girl is 6. I've heard stories from other APs that going back to the orphanage sometimes wields new info. They allow you to look at your child's file and sometimes new nuggets of info have been found. What we would like is to speak with the person who actually found her. As she was left in a highly populated area, we think that the perosn who found her, may have actually seen someone, her mother perhaps? We send regular updates to the orphanage, each with a request for new info. We are also looking into sending a letter to the police officer that brought her to the orphanage and hopefully he will contact the person who found her, but we'll have to phrase it like we wish to have contact with him without letting it be known that we were interested in locating her family... hopefully we'll get somewhere. We are cautious, however, as we will have to be very discreet as outing my child's first family can be very dangerous for them and obviously I don't wish to endanger them, especially knowing how they put themselves in peril when they decided to leave her where they did.

Answer 6

In this case they DID have the 'parent' of the child which was giving her up for adoption.  Their government did the interview and found everything in order.  When doing international adoptions a parent hopes that the attorneys and agencies involved are knowledgeable about the forms necessary to process the adoption.

My question would be who dropped the ball with this one???  Who let it go sooo long that the 2 year old is now a teenager?