Should parents who relinquish older children be applauded?

Question

for at least trying. they seem to get bashed instead.

A woman was on here asking a Q about placing her special need child that was older and she was insulted and told how horrilbe she was, while others are held high for placing newborns. (I'm refering to coments by people other than YA adoption regulars, and wo are otherwise for adoption.)

So shold these parents be applauded for at least trying?

I would say yes! How about you?

Answer 1

There are so many complexities in family dynamics, I have learned that it is just counterproductive to make judgements on some of these things.  "it is what it is"  is my motto....Let's face the reality of  what we have with compassion and respect and work together to do what is the best for the child.  

What an interesting question.....

Answer 2

There are those who will bash anyone for anything.  We all have our prejudices (and they seem to show up in full force here on Y!A).  I don't think I could ever judge someone for making a tough decision like this.  If you had asked me 2 years ago, before I had gone through the adoption process, I guarantee I would have jumped right on the judgmental bandwagon...but not now.  Decisions like these are never taken lightly, especially if the parent has already spent years with their child, trying to stick it out.  How can I judge that?  I know it affects the child negatively.  I know it adds one more thing to their already traumatic lives (just by the fact that they are special needs, I'm sure they've already had some adversity to overcome).  But who am I to say if that child will be better off in another home or not?  I don't suppose I would applaud someone for making that choice...but I'm sure I would offer a hug and a shoulder to cry on.  Applause just doesn't seem like the proper response, y'know?  :-)

Answer 3

That would be a really tough decision to make, but if I knew I couldn't be a good parent, I'd hope that other people would respect my decision.

Answer 4

Yes, I think they should be applauded for trying to do what is best for the child (and adoption if that is what is best).   Not everybody can handle a special needs child.  This can include finances, living situation, parent health problems, ability to read, family support, other children and other things that are often out of the parents control. Many of these parents actually continue to remain in contact with the child.   In some cases, alternative homes are sought because the child is violent and there are other children in the home.  These kids often respond better to caregivers other than the parents (according to my social worker friend).

Answer 5

im sorry, but i have a special needs child, and i would never give him up no matter what. what an awful thing to ever contemplate.

Answer 6

No. I'm glad she gave up the child so he could be loved but I'm not going to applaud her for realizing she is an impatient, unsympathetic. Why should realizing your a bad parent be applauded? Especially when this is going to cause the child to suffer permanent damage from being abandoned? I don't applaud people who come to realizations about themselves that cause harm to a child. Sounds a little ridiculous to me!

Answer 7

Any parent should be respected for knowing when they cannot parent, should not parent, or can no longer parent a child.  I always say, it is the most difficult decision a parent could ever make, and no one makes it without very good reasons.  Therefore, I trust the instincts that a mother has about who can best parent her child.  Respect and honor a woman who makes this decision, no matter what the circumstances.  What we know is usually the tip of the iceberg anyway.

Answer 8

With all the things in the news that some parents do to their children, anyone that can not handle being a parent should be applauded for giving a child up.