Should people have babies if they have no time to look after them?

Question

This is exactly the point made in this article:

http://www.abc.net.au/news/stories/2008/08/31/2351027.htm?section=entertainment

Bestselling children's author Mem Fox says people should not have babies if they can only take a few weeks off before putting them into childcare.

The Adelaide-based author of Possum Magic and Where Is The Green Sheep has told the Sunday Herald Sun she trembles when she thinks of babies being put into childcare.

"I don't know why some people have children at all if they know that they can take only a few weeks off work," she said.

"I know you want a child, and you have every right to want a child, but does the child want you if you are going to put it in child care at six weeks? I don't think the child wants you, to tell the honest truth."

What do you think?

Answer 1

I totally agree, and if it's true that "some couples can't afford to live off a single income"... then DON'T HAVE A BABY!

The world is overpopulated, and we shouldn't be adding apparently unwanted babies to it. Especially if they are largely paid for by taxpayers who don't have children themselves!

How crazy, that at a time when natural resouces are so precious, we are wasting money encouraging women to have as many babies as they want. It's unbelievable.

Answer 2

No they shouldn't, but people are selfish so it will continue.

Answer 3

I would say I am glad Mem Fox can't make decisions for everyone!    I don't think my children would be the confident individuals they are today if I had been forced to give up my career to be housebound.  

Answer 4

All right-- so, if a man works full time, he and his wife should not have children. =]

And personally, I think childcare is a GOOD thing, despite the stigma. It lets children make friends at an earlier age and develop social and communication skills.

Answer 5

im gonna have to agree with her.

ive lived with my grandma for most of my life, so i know what its like to not see my parents for months at a time. i honestly think if ur gonna have a child u need to have the time to look after it. yeah u gotta work n make money to support ur baby, but if u never get to see it then whats the point of having it !?

Answer 6

Mem Fox makes a good Point in that one, You want a baby, but don't want to take care of the baby, so it becomes like an unwanted plaything.  

Answer 7

You are making a very elitist comment.   In today's world most families cannot afford a single income.  Why should they be punished even more?  What are the statistics that prove that a child who has working parents has less success in life than one where there is a stay at home parent?

Answer 8

The evidence suggests that babies under 6 months of age do not do well in care because they haven't had sufficient time to "bond" with the primary attachment figure (usually the mother):

"Attachment theory is a theory (or group of theories) about the psychological tendency to seek closeness to another person, to feel secure when that person is present, and to feel anxious when that person is absent.

Attachment theory has its origins in the observation of and experiments with animals. A famous series of experiments on infant monkeys by Harlow and Harlow demonstrated that attachment is not a simple reaction to internal drives such as hunger

Basic attachment theory

Attachment of children to caregivers

Attachment theory has led to a new understanding of child development. Children develop different styles of attachment based on experiences and interactions with their caregivers. Four different attachment styles have been identified in children: secure, anxious-ambivalent, anxious-avoidant, and disorganized. Attachment theory has become the dominant theory used today in the study of infant and toddler behavior and in the fields of infant mental health, treatment of children, and related fields.

http://www.mentalhelp.net/poc/view_doc.p...

Secure and insecure attachment  

Secure attachment is when children have a predictable and safe affectionate bond with their attachment figure (either

the primary or a secondary). Securely attached infants aged between about 6 and 30 months are not usually affected

by a few hours of separation a day from their primary attachment figure if they’re being looked after by a person with

whom they have developed a secure secondary attachment bond.

Before starting in childcare, babies must already have formed a primary attachment bond to the person who’s raising

them long term (usually but not necessarily the birth mother) during the first 6 to 9 months of life. Even the most

sensitive non-parental daycare is usually more stressful to babies and toddlers between 6 and 30 months, than home

care with their primary attachment figure. However, having age appropriate amounts of daycare with a secondary

attachment figure does not seem to constitute a significant long-term risk factor for either secure or insecure children.

Note In particular circumstances some  toddlers can benefit from daycare with a sensitive secondary attachment figure

http://www.danielgoleman.info/social_int...

I think that should explain things nicely. Me: I'm too tired to explain it so I will rely of the words of the subject experts.

Answer 9

Nope nope and NOPE again.

I feel quite strongly about this.  Whilst I accept that some women/families are not in a position to take alot of time off following the birth of a child I do think that it is heartbreaking when it occurs.  I recently read a book by Steve Biddulph that said something like, until a child is one it is preferable that a child remains in the full care of the parent.  Thereafter if a child has to be in care it is preferable that the child is in the care of someone familiar eg a grandparent.   The person who wrote that its not about the quality of child care is wrong in my opinion.  It certainly IS about the quality of child care!  The quality of child care can and does have a profound impact on a little person especially if they are very young and spend long hours each week in care.  There is no substitute for a child being cared for by their parent (s).  

Personally, when my son was born there was no way I could have put him into care when he was 6 weeks old, despite all of the problems I experienced with him.  It just makes me so sad to think of any baby going to child care at such a young age.  Then again if there was more fully paid parental leave...my employer provides 14 weeks (at the moment but due to increase soon) parental leave.  That combined with annual leave and other leave allowed me to take 13 months off following the birth of my son. I am back at work now part time - he is in day care one day per week and with my mum the other day, the father is not around.  

Answer 10

Honestly, I think it wouldn't be very smart - or considerate of the baby. I mean, sure; you could put the child into day care or hire a nanny and so on, but think about the kid. It rarely sees its parents and it'll start to get lonely and whatnot.

I mean, it wouldn't be unhealthy, I guess, but I don't think it would do great things for the kid's personality and state of mind.

Hope that helped.

Answer 11

The thing all animals aim to do controlled hormone's is to reproduce, get your genes in the next generation. In nature the mother spends most of her time with her offspring. If parents don't spend time with their child the child will not make special bonds with them.  

Answer 12

THIS IS SO OBVIOUS i mean seriously of course not

the baby could die  

Answer 13

My niece started child care at a very early age due to some medical issues her mum (my sister) had. Her dad (my BIL) didn't take time off work to look after the kids.

Nevertheless, my niece has turned out to be a very fine young woman, and knows she is very much loved by both her parents.

It is not the child care that is the issue, it is the quality of care in the home.

Mem Fox, an author and illustrator of children's books, may have a point in some cases, in others she does not.

I know of kids who are required by DOCS to go to child care because their parents cannot manage them at home.

There is no one-size fits all for this.

To assume parents who choose child care are less caring than others is very unfair, and very incorrect.

And, if it's true ~ what does it say about fathers, many of whom don't even bother to use the paternity leave available to them to care for their kids? Are they uncaring? That would be a VERY unfair thing to say in most cases.

Mem Fox writes a nice book, but she's wrong about this.

Cheers :-)

Answer 14

You and I talked about this on the phone a while back.  My answer is still no.  

Answer 15

Ho hum. Some women have ALWAYS left children with other women/their relatives while they go out to work. My brother left his kids in childcare, now they have a nanny who they adore. My brother and his wife love their children and are always doing fun things with them at weekends. They see them every morning and every evening. They have provided a lovely, safe home for them to grow up in. My nephews have turned out to be two of the most gorgeous, polite, smart and well-behaved children I know (ok, I'm biased, but they are :-)). Certainly better than the spoiled illiterate trash I see being raised by uneducated out of work 'full-time' mothers around where I live.

Answer 16

I agree in sentiment . . . I stay at home with my two children . . . in my prior life I was a forensic accountant . . . I worked sixty hours a week on average . . . and forget about tax season . . . I quit my job when I had my first child (over five years ago) and have not been back to work . . .

However, I have friends who have chosen to continue their careers and I really can't tell you there's much of a difference between our children . . . everyone appears to well behaved and performs well in school . . . none of the children seem to be suffering from the mental stress of non-parental child care . . .

I think the choice to work affects the parents more than the children . . . I would miss my children more than I miss working . . . I would be the nut job if I had to return to work and couldn't be with my children the majority of the day . . .  

Answer 17

No, the children won't grow up to even like the parents nor will the parents get anything out of raising the kids. Too many people on the planet anyway. How about give the kids a good home and shoot the parents instead.