Should potential birthparents be told that open adoption is not always legally enforceable???

Question

honestly, i'm saddened that in three days, i've read (on two different sites) 6 young people who had "open adoption" agreements closed without knowing why?

ps. i'm not talking about situations where the bparent is abusive, on drugs or detrimental to the child. i'm referring to times when the aparents simply grows tired of accommodating the bparents and wish to disconnect with them.

Answer 1

All parties should be told of ALL their legal rights - and 'Open' adoptions should be law enforceable.

BOTH birth and adoptive parents should stick to the agreements - and not pull out just because they get uncomfortable with the arrangements. If arrangements don't suit - then a new agreement should be made - BUT - neither party should just run away completely from the agreement.

Adoption should be about placing a child in the care of another family because the child can no longer live with the bio family. BUT it shouldn't mean that the bio family no longer want to be a part of the child's life - or that the adoptive fam want to sever that tie.

We're talking about a human life here - a child that adults makes decisions for - and what's best for the child is to be allowed to know and love all of their families.

What is BEST for the adoptee is to have contact with BOTH families - as the adoptee belongs to both. It is best for the adoptees self worth and self identity.

Both families need to - talk opening, be honest, stop feeling threatened by it all - and do what's best for the adoptee.

Answer 2

Actually, the openness, or continuing contact agreement, is more enforceable than you may think.  There is a landmark case involving Gladney in which an agreement was made for openness with specific visitation plans signed off on by both the birthmother and the adoptive parents.  After a year or so the agreement was not adhered to by either the agency or adoptive parents (cant remember which).  This went to trial and the birthmothers rights were reinstated.  Bottom line, birthmothers and adoptive parents:  Don't agree to openness unless you intend to comply, and don't ask for openness unless you intend to comply.  (This disappoints and messes with children and adoptive parents just like it does birth parents.)

Answer 3

Yes, it should be told.  I get very angry with adoptive parents who don't keep as much openness in the adoption as possible.  They should do what is best for their child.  I have to say, though, there are also many times that adoptive parents would love to keep contact up and the birthparents don't.

Answer 4

I agree. It happened to me when I was three. It was supposed to be an open adoption, and because my adopted parents were tired of accomodating my birth father, they had a family friend (who was a doctor) file that I had been abused. He wasn't even made aware until he came to see me, and was told to call my adopted parents' lawyer. After fighting for two years, he gave up. I met him when I was eighteen, and heard the horrible story from there. It didn't help that my adopted parents happened to both be abusive.

Some people will do anything for children, even if they don't need/deserve them, or are incapable of being good parents.

Answer 5

Of course they should be told.  When you're making a decision as important as relinquishing a child, you need all the information you can get--especially because, once the adoption is finalized, you have no rights and no power.

Since some adoptive parents have been pretty blatant about not sticking to their end of the bargain, perhaps there should be a law making open adopions legal contracts.

Answer 6

In Texas an open adoption is enforceable as long as you have an open adoption contract.  I think birth parents should do their research and find out whether or not the agreement they're signing is legally binding.  

However, it is important to note that an open adoption contract is only as "legally binding" as a custody order between divorced parents.  The contract, as long as it stands is legally binding (or breakers can be in contempt of court).  Still, like a custody agreement, it can be changed by a family court judge.  This is important for both parties involved.  If the adoptive family is not adhering to the agreement, then the birth parent has grounds to contest the adoption.  On the other hand, if the birth parent is constantly missing visitations and causing emotional strife to the child, the adoptive parents need to have a recourse to protect that child.  

In any case, any time you're dealing with a legal matter, you need to understand what it is you're entering into.  "Birth Parent" counseling definitely should include a legal aid to make sure they understand the "wording" in the contract and exactly what it means.  On the other hand, I have very little sympathy for people who sign contracts without reading the fine print (or getting someone to help them read it).  After years of having to read the letter of the law for health insurance and custody arrangements in order to keep my kids safe, I've found that most of it is strait forward enough if you put in the effort.  Anyone thinking about giving away their child needs to be making sure they know what they're getting into.  While I agree that the agencies shouldn't lie to anyone, and should provide independent counseling/legal advice, I still believe the responsibility ultimately lies on the biological parent.  If they are not taking the initiative, the only one to blame is themselves.

Answer 7

Yes, bparents should be advised that open daoptions are not legally enforcible. They should be counseled on all aspects of adoption.

Answer 8

Hi Tish,

Yes!  They absolutely should be fully informed.  Not only should they be told that open adoptions are not legally enforceable, they should also be told that it will be very difficult to get their baby back should they change their minds during the revocation period.

The best resource, apart from other women who have directly experienced this, is this site: http://www.adopting.org/uni/frame.php?ur...

Every woman who is considering relinquishing her baby should read this.  Although every word is true, adoption agencies would never go out of their way to provide information like that because that might lead them to lose that baby to the natural mothers.  (i.e. profits to them)  By not disclosing the full truth, it is a subtle form of coersion.

The problem with many adoptions is that by the time the natural mother has all the vital information she really needs to make an informed decision, it is often too late.  Sometimes it is years later.  At the times when women are dealing with adoption agencies, they are often in vulnerable states of mind.  Agencies are well-versed in what to say and do to lead women to conclude that the decision to place is their own.

It is my opinion that adoptions are not freely made unless a woman has ALL the facts.  There is seldom if ever, a legal representative for the woman to explain to her exactly what everything means that she is signing or to tell her the facts that are often glossed over if mentioned at all.

I share your sadness there, Tish.  Not everyone even has an advocate for them such as their parents, who could possibly help defend their best interests when considering adoption.

julie j

reunited adoptee

Answer 9

Hmm, well open adopting really is just a moral agreement, and it is not enforceable.  The end decision on what is best for the child has to rest with his/her parents, and that is the adoptive parents.

The adoptive parents though have a moral obligation to follow through with agreements, unless the agreements are causing disruption to the child.  

So yes birthparents should know this information going in.

Answer 10

Everyone going into an adoption needs to know the truth.  I try to imagine being the adoptee in an open adoption that closed early on.  I would be confused if visits suddenly ended.

As an adult, even if I were too  young to remember the status change, I would be pretty mad to find out my aparents had done this without a damned good reason (e.g. my safety was at risk.)

This is something that affects the child in the long run, not just the natural parents.  

Lying by omission is still lying.  If the agency doesn't tell the natural parents the truth about open adoption agreements, then it is lying in order to help keep the natural parents, who want an open adoption, from backing out.  Backing out is their right, by the way, as they have not yet relinquished their parental rights.

Answer 11

Absolutely yes!  And I am an adoptive parent.  I think there SHOULD be a contract that requires some kind of openness even if it is in writing  through the agency.

Adoption is about doing what is best for the child.  If one of the adult parties in the triad, shuts down, this is in no way best for the child.

Answer 12

Each state is different and I happen to be cursed to be in such a state that even if we (birth dad and myself) had the agreement filed it would still NOT be enforceable.

So, yeah, they better be told right up front, from the beginning and told that even if it is open in a majority of cases the adoptive parents cut off all contact.

Answer 13

Before I came to Y!A, I didn't realize that birth families were "not" told of this.  I am sometimes torn on this subject because of our situation with the birth parents, and them choosing not to stay in an open relationship - although it is better that they didn't for our son's sake (neglect, etc).  However, we do have an open relationship with our son's paternal grandparents and it's wonderful.  They are the ones who told us that they knew the agreement was not enforceable and would not blame us if we changed our minds, but I can't imagine our lives without them.  

The open adoption being legally enforceable does somewhat scare me as an adoptive parent.  Not that I think it is "bad" in all cases, but I think that once you start allowing bio families some type of *legal* right with open adoptions, you open the door to other types of legal rights even though parental rights are terminated.  I do not mean to say this to sound cruel, because I do think open adoptions in most cases can be good.  I just worry that if it is made legally enforceable, then the termination of rights that was made becomes less enforceable in some respects.  And I just worry in some cases where that could lead for our children.  If adoptive parents are told that they cannot make the decisions regarding their minor child about the openness of the adoption, I just think then a new door is open with what else they are not allowed to make decisions about - medical, religion, etc.  Our son's bio parents are Wiccan.  If they are given legal rights to open adoption, will they also be able to argue that they have legal rights for us to raise him in their religion rather than what we choose?  I know it's a big difference in what we are discussing, but as an adoptive parent, it is something that I think about when the topic is mentioned.  

Again, that doesn't mean I am against open adoption, because I truly do believe in it.  It's the legal enforcement that scares me.

ETA:  With our agency, if we do not provide contact thru the bio grandparents (because of our situation), we did sign paperwork that our address would be released to the bio-family so that they could contact us directly.  Just thought I would add that.

Answer 14

Absolutely they should be told open adoption is not legally enforceable!   Alot of times there is never any intention of keeping the adoption 'open'  it is just used as a ploy to entice the birthmother to relinquish her child.

I admire the wonderful adoptive parents who stand by their word and keep the adoption open but there are others out there who are not so honest and that is so heartbreaking for the mother of the child who might never consider relinquishing if she knew the door was going to be slammed on her as soon as the ink was dry on the relinquishment papers.

Answer 15

They should be told. In a perfect world they wouldn't need to be, APs would accept their children for who and what they are; members of a very large and extended family. I can't get over this whole idea of anyone not wanting their child to have a large and loving family!

In reality, however, the PAPs are often told to allow an open adoption even if they don't want one. It can always be closed later. This opens PAPs to a wider variety of potential children. Often adoption is based on secrets and deciet, this is just another aspect of those lies.

Answer 16

Yeah they should be told. Then again if they did their  own research and then they would know that most states don’t legally enforce open adoptions.  I do think that APs and BPs if they decide to end an open adoption or reevaluate (i.e. less contact or more contact) they really need to inform the other  part of why.

Its not always APs who stop contact or “close” an open adoption. Sometimes natural parents do it too.

Answer 17

There aren't too many things more humanly cruel than  to NOT honor an open adoption agreement with a birth mother.

Open adoption has worked very well for us. We were fully aware that our agreement with the birth mother was not legally binding, and so was she, but had there been a legal contract I would have still signed and honored it just the same.

At the same time, while we all speak of what's best for the child, perhaps the breach of a legal contract would be considered more disruptive to the child. (Now don't beat me up....this is just a thought).  In the case a birth mother only wants pictures, or even contact, but not to parent. What then happens to the child?

Answer 18

YES! ...and the adoptive parents should be advised that there really isn't anything they can do when the birth mother walks out of their lives and out of the child's life without so much as a fare thee well!

That is what happened in our situation. I am now left to try to pick up the pieces and assure our child that it was not due to anything that was said or done on our part, but just a misfortunate event for everyone concerned.

It is hard enough to be a teen without being put in a situation of wondering why your birthmother dumped you. It has caused much confusion and heartache. She left no forwarding address or any other means of contact. Our child is so very confused by her actions, as am I.

It isn't always the adoptive parents who terminate the connection with the birth mother... for reasons unknown, our birth mother no longer wanted contact with our child.

* please be advised, when I refer to "our child", "ours" means all of ours... the adoptive parents & birth parents. *