Should she be a braidesmaid or not?

Question

Ok, I was really good friends with this girl. We lost contact for about 3 years and a year ago we got back in contact. told her she would be a bridesmaid at my wedding (a year from now). But even sinse I had my baby boy (5 months ago) I will make plans with her and she bails on me without even a phone call to let me know. I wouldn't care if she would just call me and say "hey I can't make it lets do it another time" but she doesn't. Its so inconsiderate. She acts like she is the only person with a life and she is very unreliable. Plus I have seen her maybe 3 times in the past 5 months and she lives 10 minutes away. Anyways to my point. I don't want her in my bridal party anymore. I know that if she is in it then it will just cause lots of problems because I wont be able to rely on her to be anywhere. Should I tell her or wait it out and by the time the wedding comes I probably wont be talkin to her anymore just because I don't need people like that in my life and I don't think I will be making plans with her again because she can't even call to cancel so I can do other things with my day besides wait for her call which never comes.

Answer 1

Find someone else, she doesn't take you seriously so why should you take her seriously?

Answer 2

Get rid of her

Answer 3

I think you should call, and let her know that you no longer think she is responsible enough to be your bridesmaid. You are obviously very upset about this, and if she were a true friend she would take your feelings into consideration. After all, this is your wedding.

Answer 4

its your wedding! she is obviously not a good firend tell her you dont want her to be in the wedding, tell her the truth and dont wait till the wedding to tell her tell soon

Answer 5

I think you should just wait it out, it sounds like she never calls you anyway so just don't call her either. If she can't call to break a simple visit (DON'T YOU JUST HATE FLAKEY PEOPLE), what makes you think she will call you just to find out when your wedding is?

Just go about planning your wedding & if you run in to her before or after the wedding, say you lost her number & you were waiting for her to call you. I hope this helps, goodluck & congrats on finding that special someone!!!!!

Answer 6

If you haven't formally asked her yet, then don't, and there is no need to provide an explanation unless she asks for one.

If you have asked her then you need to sit down and talk with her. Explain your feelings and tell her that you've decided against having her in the wedding.  

Answer 7

Maybe she is unaware how her actions make you feel? If it were me I'd write her an email and let her know whats up.  It might just help her grab a clue.  Sometimes people do things and don't even realize that they are hurtful.  If you have already spoken with her about this behavior then I would suggest not having her in the wedding.

Answer 8

If you feel as though you can't rely on her, then it's probably a good idea not to include her in the wedding party.  Plus it sounds like in the 3 years you guys lost contact, a lot of things may have changed with both of you and you're not the same people you once were.  You never know, she may bail on you on your wedding day, then you'd be short a bridesmaid.

Answer 9

Tell her now that you don't want her as a bridesmaid.  Tell her that you thought you would become really close when you got back in contact but that you are tired of carrying the relationship.  That you try so hard to contact her but she is never interested in keeping in touch.  She probably won't even care.  Don't have her if you don't want to because she will make you miserable.  You don't even have to invite her to your wedding.

Answer 10

Really just save yourself the hassle and dont even mention it to her ( whenever you finally get to talk to her) You are really going to need people you can rely on to plan a wedding, especially when you have young children. Things change, especially friendships after you haev kids. You might find that you two move so far away from one another, you might not even be friends anymore.

If it ever did come up, and she asked why she is not included, just state the facts, You havent seen much interest from her, so you assumed she didnt want to be your bridesmaid. You will be better off to have someone like that out of your life. The sooner the better.

Take Care and congrats!

Answer 11

tell her you cant have someone like that in your bridal party, and that she is no longer included in your bridal party, and send her an invitation, tell her you need reliable people, and she is not reliable.  

Answer 12

If you are even questioning it, then the answer is "No."

She sounds like a putz. You won't be able to count on her at all.  

Answer 13

You should look for someone else and tell her now, explain the reasons why.  Maybe she will change.  If she was a great friend and you don't want to loose her friendship tell her so.  I think if you and her talk things out you could keep a friendship, but I would not rely on her to be a bridesmaid.  You are very busy around the time of your wedding and your bridesmaids and maid of honor take some of that off of you not add to the confusion.  Find someone who is willing to be there for you and totally committed.  You will need this person as it comes closer to the big day.  Good luck!  Had this happen to me too.

Answer 14

Don't even talk to her about it again, I am sure such a shallow person could care less if she is in your wedding or not.. dont' even invite her to the wedding, she sounds like a flake to me.

Answer 15

Don't use her in your wedding. Find someone more reliable and that will take stuff more serious. Personally, I would dump her out of my life all together.  

Answer 16

i don't think she should be a bridesmaid. it's your special day and she shouldn't be there to ruin it.

Answer 17

Don't tell her...sounds like she's bailing on the friendship, never mind the bride's maidship.....make your plans accordingly....stop chasing after her, too. Eventually she will contact you over the wedding, then that is the time to tell her under the circumstances because of her lack of reliability you have decided not to have her in the bridal party but she's welcomed to the wedding as a guest....don;t be surprised if you never hear from her again...good luck.

Answer 18

You should definetly tell her you dont' want her as a bridesmaid.  

Answer 19

Have you and the bridesmaids started making plans to get the dresses and such? Has she been involved in any of the bridesmaids activities? If not, then just write her off. Sure, you told her she would be a BM, but she hasn't been behaving in a way that makes you feel like you can rely on her. Just don't include her anymore and if she asks, then just tell her that you didn't think she wanted to be in the wedding anymore since she was barely making an effort to be in yr life.

Congrats on your son and your upcoming nuptials.

Answer 20

if she is not reliable then don't have her in it.  Tell her things had to change and unfortunately she wont be in the wedding  

Answer 21

Find another Bridesmaid my Dear.This is your day and you do not want anything to ruin it.If she contacts you and ask you about the wedding tell her the truth and if you don't hear from her don't worry about it.Congrats on the Baby and your upcoming wedding.

Answer 22

Your wedding is a year away so I wouldn't address the bridesmaid issue just yet. Talk to her about her reliability issues. Tell her when she leaves you hanging that you don't appreciate it and you could have done something else with your time but you chose to spend time with her. When it comes time to make final decisions on bridesmaid choices if you leave her out there should be no doubt in her mind why. If this is a relationship that has just gone through a few bumps maybe alerting her to her inconsiderate behavior will iron things out. If you do decide to make her a bridesmaid I would suggest that you have her pay for her own dress-that way you have a better chance of her showing up for your big day. Talk to her soon, though. You will have a lot to be stressed about with all the wedding plans-you don't need her to be one of them.