Should she know?

Question

My boyfriend's 8 year old sister is adopted. Her mother is going to tell her very soon that she was adopted.

My question is should I tell her I am adopted as well to kind of ease the blow? I know she doesn't need to know and that I will be her new favorite person if I tell her.

But she is going to have questions that I asked at one point and I still don't have the answers to.

Advice please.

Answer 1

yes, when the time is right, let her know she is not alone. you understand how isolated you can feel when you think no one else is adopted, when you find out there are more of us than you think, it makes you feel more at ease. i hope she takes it well, the mom should tell her soon, it wont get any easier

good luck to your family on this

Answer 2

I think it is wonderful that she would have someone to talk to about her concerns or questions.  You are very considerate to think of doing this for her.  

Good luck.

Answer 3

i deff think that it would help!!

Answer 4

I think it would give her another "way" to talk about some of the questions that her parents can't answer!  Tell the mother and let her know that you would like to help if she wants

Answer 5

i wold i mean i wold tell my little sisters r adupted and i wold love for them 2 have some one 2 look up to when thay tell them thank god (sry if ur not religest) that she was 2 young 2 rember to kno my moms kids were aduped right after thay were born becose we was alredy in pc so ya i wold help her out and be there for her she will need that

Answer 6

TELL HER THE TRUE, THAT SHE IS A SPECIAL LITTLE GIRL. AND YES TELL HER THAT YOU ARE ADOPTED TOO. I WAS ADOPTED AND I TOLD MY SONS AND MY DAUGHTER AND THEY WERE VERY GLAD THAT I DID IT NOT SOMEONES ELSE.

YES SHE WILL BE YOUR BEST FRIEND, BUT SHE WILL HAVE ALOT OF QUESTIONS TOO.

JUST LET HER KNOW THAT YOU AND HER WERE SPECIAL NOT FOR JUST BEING ADOPTED. BUT THAT SOMEBODY VERY SPECIAL PICKED HER OVER A LOT OF OTHER BABY.

Answer 7

You should be there to help explain to her(with the mother.)The mother/you might not know all the anwsers but at least you can help with a couple of the girl answers.

Answer 8

Once the mother tells her about it and they talk about it all, then you could talk to her to make her feel not alone. But as far as telling her first, before her mother does, that would be going over the line and wrong.

Answer 9

Talk to boyfriend's mom and ask her if you could either be there waiting in the background or with them when they tell her. Or mom could tell her that you're adopted too and that she can talk to you about whatever questions she may have. ---You don't have to have all the answers, just be an ear for her and if you don't know---just say 'I don't know the answer to that'.

Answer 10

Talk to her mom about being there when she tells her and if she has questions then you can let her know that you were adopted also.  With the questions that you had about your adoption, you may be able to help her with any questions that she may have.  I think that it would be a good idea for you to be there when she finds out.

Answer 11

I think that's a very good idea.  Personally I think 8 years old is too late to be telling her.  As an adopted chile, I've always known I was adopted, so I was told very young.  I never had a moments stress over it and have never given a l**k about finding my "real" parents.  I had great parents who wanted children enough to go through the adoption process.  A lot of children aren't so lucky.

Answer 12

Yes, as long as you want to tell her (rather than just feeling like you "should" tell her), I think that would be really sweet.  That way, she'll know that there are other people like her, that she's not weird.  And when she has questions that you don't have answers to, be honest.  Then, she'll understand that it's okay to have questions and that even though not having answers can be scary, it's something you can deal with.

Answer 13

I think after her parents have told her and she has had sometime to digest the news it would be good of you to tell her that you are also adopted.at least if she knows your adopted then she will not feel alone and have somebody to talk who  knows what it is like to be adopted.It will also let her see that you know that your adopted but that's doesn't mean your loved any less.

Best of luck with what ever you decide

Answer 14

I would tell her after they tell her and I don't know about it making you her most favorite person just because you were adopted and have that in common - I see it as you having a leveled playing field and may be able ease her anxiety and her stress about it and giving her good answers to questions she may have and by letting her know that her adopted parents love her, need her and want her in their lives.

Answer 15

I just went to an adoption seminar today where the speaker told a story about how traumatizing it was to feel unworthy and "adopted" she said the day she started to feel whole and like she was worthwhile was the day she found out her sisters friend had also been adopted. This girl was someone she admired a girl who was loved by everyone, she was smart and popular. She realized that adopted kids could be anything they wanted to be and had just as much right to be loved.

So I say yes, tell her. It's your time to be a hero!

Answer 16

I would wait until the parents tell her and see what the parents think...  Once she has been told, it might help her to have someone to talk to that has been through it.

Answer 17

I think it's a great idea to tell her that you're adopted before she finds out that she's adopted. She definitely will be pleased to know other people that are adopted and that she can have the option to talk to you. She may have questions she doesn't want to ask her mother and she may just have questions about what it all means and it will be helpful to know tha "normal" people can be adopted. She should have resources like books available to her, perhaps before she knows about herself, jsut to familiarize her with the idea. Ask her mother first thougha bout giving her a book because some mothers might be offended. But I think it's important for her to get support from someone she thinks can understand.

Answer 18

Being adopted myself, I would have found comfort in having somebody else in the same situation to talk to who understands so I would say yes, tell her.

Answer 19

YES. IF YOU DONT I WILL

Answer 20

If you are really adopted then yes it may be comforting to know that someone she knows is adopted as well. You cant help what you dont know.

Answer 21

I think that will help ease her transition.  You are a wonderful person for doing that.

Answer 22

Yes, I'd tell her.  But I'd question why the other parents haven't told her until now and have chosen now to tell her; what a shock.

Answer 23

After her mother tells her, I think it would be great if you shared your being adopted as well with her.  It doesnt matter that you dont have all the answers for her, just someone who has been where she is, is a tremendous amount of comfort.