Should the Bridesmaid pay for a shower they didn't plan?

Question

I am a bridesmaid in my brother's wedding. I know that the bridesmaids usually help out in paying for the wedding shower, but the maid of honor and the mother of the bride has taken control of the shower, not letting any of the bridesmaid help plan it. Shoud I still be expected to help pay for the shower even though I've had nothing to do with it?

Answer 1

In this case, no, you shouldn't have to pay anything.

Answer 2

NO.  You do not pay.  The people who give the shower meaning send invitations are the hosts and the hosts always pay.         (It is not proper for the mother of the bride to give a shower for her daughter just fyi -maid of honor yes)

Answer 3

No!  No imput no money!  Just buy a gift!

Answer 4

Typically the M.O.H is the person who plans the showers and everyone (bridesmaids) pitch in with helping her pay for it.

As a bridesmaid you are expected to help pay.

I paid for my own parties, but I didn't have a thing to do with planning them.

This information is just typical of course, and alot of people are doing it differently these days. But I think you should still pay. Typically you still be there for the set up and clean up.

It is also the M.O.H duty to keep all the bridesmaids abreast of what is going on with the parties and how much each bridesmaid is expected to pay and assure they can afford it, and also keep them informed if they need to bring anything, be there early to set up an stay late to clean up.

Answer 5

Yes. Usually the made-of-honor takes charge in planning the shower, and the bridesmaids are there that day to help set up, tear down and organize. I have been on both ends, having paid $100 as a bridesmaid with no say, and having paid $500 as the maid-of-honor planning the whole thing. Just make sure they know how much you are able to afford before they expect you to contribute more than you can.

Answer 6

Yes. The MOH plans it and she and all the bridesmaids pay for it.

Answer 7

yes

Answer 8

I wouldn't.  Because they haven't given you a price.  It could be over $100's of dollars out of your pocket.  Think of the food, where it's taking place. If they say something about it, I would calmly say, "I thought you were planning it.  I didn't know anything about the costs and didn't put anything in my budget. All of the bridemaids should be informed.  They're going to have "bridemaidzillas" on their hands if not careful.

Answer 9

I think it would depend on a few things.  First how much money are they asking you to chip in?  $25-$50 I would say pay it.  Also did they ask you for the money?  and what was said when you tried to help out?  If they want more than $50 for me it would seriously depend on whether they had asked me about the mopney before planning the shower.  If you had already agreed to chip in you may be stuck, but if there was no agreement and they are asking too much money and wouln't allow you to help then maybe I wouldn't.

Answer 10

I think this is a hard one, I would say if you dont have a duty like bringing a dish of food then NO.. If you do have apart then yes..

Answer 11

If you aren't actively planning or be assigned a specific job related to the shower, I don't think you should be expected to pay.  If you were to pay, you would be entitled to a job throughout the process of planning and putting on the shower.  I think it's a little rude to ask for money, but not allow you a job or responsiblity.  It's like saying, "we just want your money for the shower and not your actually help."  That's insulting.

Plus, it seems like the mother of the bride and the MOH took charge.  Traditionally, the MOH is suppose to consult with you about the cost of the shower.  She didn't here.  So, I think it would be rude for her to JUST ask you for money, not your help and plan the whole thing on her own w/o first consulting the other bridesmaids.

I agree paying is part of the job. However, that's when you are asked to be an active member of the planning.  If other people plan and just want your money, that's really wrong and not the way it works.

Answer 12

Despite that, if you are attending, you should chip in.

Last wedding I was involved in Bride's mom and our aunt planned the shower without telling me (the bridesmaid in the city where it was held).  They gave me hardly any notice and I had already planned to be out of the country.

In a situation like this, to be polite you should chip in (what seems reasonable or what you can afford), and/or bring dainties, snacks, etc.  Just do something to make yourself involved.  

I think that being a bridesmaid means you should contribute in some way, but if they didn't involve you AT ALL I don't think you are required to pay an equal amount to the others, because you didn't have a say in anything and it could be way out of your affordable limit.

Answer 13

The maid of honor typically has the responsibility of planning the shower/bachelorette party, while the bridesmaids assist - be it physical labor or financially.

I was a maid of honor for my best friend's wedding last year, and she had 6 bridesmaids. I requested that each bridesmaid pitch in whatever they could, asking for a minimum of $20.00.  The bride had a guest list of 500 people, so you can imagine the amount of people that were invited to the shower.  For one person to pay the total amount of a shower is unfair, regardless of whether they are the maid of honor or not.

While the MOH and mother may have taken control, they are most likely doing that to ensure that everything flows during the event.  I would suggest pitching in what you feel is reasonable for the amount of money they may have spent to put together the party :)