Should the girls biological parents have a say in this matter..?

Question

There is this family who I met and now know.They have a teenage daughter who they see once in a while,however she was put up for adoption after their second child who is severly mentally disabled and has been that way since birth,and needs round clock care.There is a year difference between the firstborn daughter and the second born son,so they gave her up around a year old or so.They went on and had 2 more kids after that.So they have four children but the girl does not live with them,just visits once and a while.

The family is very cute and always seems happy,and in the brief amount of time I spent with the girl,she was very nice and very sweet as well.

However,she went to the same school as her biological siblings and her adoptive parents are some what of good friends with her real parents,but her biological father wants her to go to a certain high school,than what the adoptive parents want..do you think they should have a say in it?

Answer 1

Her REAL parents are the parents that have raised her.  The other people are the birth parents.

And NO, they do not get a say.  They are not her parents.

Answer 2

NO

Answer 3

If the girl was legally adopted by the other family (rather than foster care or an informal arrangement), the birth parents have no legal right to make decisions about where she goes to school or anything else.  

Ethically, it's not quite as clear-cut.  If the birth family have stayed in touch with the daughter, as it sounds like they have, it's understandable that they would have strong feelings about her education and other major life decisions.  In my opinion, it would be a nice gesture on the part of the adoptive parents to sit down with the birth parents (and the teen daughter) and give everyone a chance to share their opinions and thoughts about her schooling.  But the adoptive parents have the final say.

Answer 4

not a chance

Answer 5

No because when they gave her up for adoption they gave all rights to her adoptive parents so they have no say in anything the adoptive parents do in her life.

Answer 6

The birth parents have had their parental rights terminated. That is how the girl was able to be adopted. In the words of a local family court judge, "When the rights are terminated, it's just like the child has died or never been born." So no, the birth father has no right and honestly has no say.

Answer 7

You don't know the arrangements of the adoption. It is likely that this was an open adoption and in many cases, birthparents were led to believe that they had some say in the upbringing. While the adoptive parent has the final say, certainly the biological father can say what he prefers and his reason for it. It's up to the adoptive parents to evaluate and decide if that is best for their daughter.

Also, posters keep throwing around the term 'legally.'  In many open adoptions, birthparents were PROMISED a say and/or contact and many adoptive parents have cut these women out entirely.  That isn't legal and states are finally starting to recognize that and enforce these contracts.

Answer 8

nope because they gave up there rights when they signed the dotted line.im an adoptive mom of a beautiful 7 yr old.got her at 10 weeks old.she knows this but also knows were her parents.definition of a parent is........person who took care of you while sick,kissed your hurts,tucked you in,made sure you know right from wrong,the list goes on,so no they have no right to decide for her..thats her mom and dads choice,not biological parents

Answer 9

From the description of the relationship, this sounds like a truly open adoption.  =o)

Considering the families have remained good friends, of course the family of origin could add their two cents in on this issue, and the girl's parents have a duty to think it out and decide accordingly.  Anyone can have a say in anything.  It's just like any other relationship, except in adoption history respecting the idea of family of origin and family of parenting being complimentary and non adversarial is still rather taboo in many eyes.

Answer 10

no, they have no say. if she was given up for adoption than her parents, whom she lives with, have the say in that situation. acutally, any situation.

its nice that they are able to have such a wonderful relationship but in the end, the parents that adopted her have the say in her care and upbringing

Answer 11

When they put their daughter up for adoption, they gave up all rights to do whatever they wish with the daughter. If her adoptive parents want to listen to him that's their business, but the final say, and in my opinion, all say, comes from her adoptive parents, not the birth parents.

Answer 12

ummm ... i do think that the biological parents should have a say so in were the girl goes but i also think that since she lives with the other family then the least they could do is come up with a compromise ..... if that makes sense