Should we TELL THEM? ?

Question

My 26 year old single daughter recently told my husband and I she is pregnant, due in January. She decided to put the baby up for adoption for several good reasons, and we support her decision. The problem is, we also have a 12 and 14 year old daughter, and are undecided as to whether or not we should tell them. I strongly believe in not keeping secrets, and my oldest daughter is prepared to tell them anything they want to know, but I worry about sending the wrong message.

ANY intelligent suggestions or experiences would be GREATLY appreciated - thank you!!!

Answer 1

Do you really have to tell them? I dont think it's necessary dear!

Answer 2

i respect you very much for wanting to be honest with your other children. but you really have to ask your self some questions. Is telling them going to help the situation any? maybe they will learn from their big sisters mistake but it could also make the situation more difficult. they are old enough to understand but not to completely understand. they might  have a problem with giving the baby up which could make things harder for your older daughter.

Good luck and god bless

Answer 3

You should tell them and take the opportunity to discuss with them the concept of responsibility at the same time.

This is the right time and situation for your teenagers to learn that some actions have consequences and as in this case, a lot of consequences. It's great that you respect your daughter's choice.  Your kids will respect you for that and they will know that they can be open with you because you are with them.  Good luck.

Answer 4

Tough situation. I would be open and honest with them. They may want to know why sissy is giving the baby up for adoption and it might be best to tell them why. With sissy's permission of course. Good luck!

Answer 5

I have two daughters also near your girls ages(11 and 13) and I tell them everything within childs ears-But think about it! they see it on T.V. all the time-they are hearing about it at school, I mean nothing is sacred to a childs ears no more, so telling them will not hurt nothing! you really need to prepare yourself for the possibilitie of them asking"Why won't you and dad take the baby mom?"Keep your bond tight,bikerchick.

Answer 6

That's a tough one but I think you should tell them. Your grandchild may look up his or her birth mother in the future and it would be quite a shock to your kids to find out then. Its also going to be very hard to keep it a secret even if she isn't home. Your girls could hear you discussing it and find out anyway.

Letting your younger daughters see how hard this decision has been to make and how much it hurts even though you all agree its for the best isn't going to hurt them. It will help them really understand the ramifications of being sexually active and why its so important to make sure of the decision before you have s*x.

I also think that your oldest daughter needs to know that she can come to you any time she is having problems coping with her pregnancy or the decision to put the baby up for adoption. If she doesn't have to worry about her sisters finding out, she will feel more comfortable doing that. She is really going to need you.

I admire the courage and determination she is showing by loving the baby enough to give it the best home she can even though it isn't with her. Its a very unselfish act and will make an entire family very happy along with giving her child the best life possible.

Answer 7

so you think that your 12 and 14 year old daughters are so dumb that they will say to themselves 'oh older sis did it - lets get pregnant and give the baby up too!'

is that what you mean by 'sending the wrong message'??

Let them learn about life and tell them, jeez...

by the way - i would have adopted the child myself if i were in your shoes. You are allowing your first grandchild to be given away. I think it is absolutely shocking.  

Answer 8

I agree with the other post. Your daughter is 26 years old, 26!! She's an adult has been for quite some time. If she can get herself pregnant than she should take responsibility for HER child! And I honestly can't get over how you are OK with the fact that you will never know your own grandchild. That's sad!

Answer 9

Well your younger children will definitely notice your older daughter's pregnant belly.  They are clearly old enough to understand what you would tell them.  I say go ahead and tell them.  Besides they are teenagers, and teenagers are rarely all that interested in older people's problems anyways.

I think the message that would be sent to your children is that sometimes people make mistakes and that life is hard  but you muddle through doing the right thing.  That in my opinion is a good message.

Answer 10

they are old enough to understand your reasoning  be honest  be caring  this will be hard for everyone but with family support you will cope   good luck