Should we consider adoption or be content with an only child?

Question

My husband and I have a happy four year old boy. Due to complications following his birth, we cannot have any more biological children. We do want more kids and think he would benefit from a sibling, but are still trying to decide. I know adopting comes with its share of issues, as does raising an only child. Any suggestions?

Answer 1

In the end it’s a decision for you and your husband. You might look into all the different kinds of adoption and see what would work best for your family.  Read adoptees experiences good and bad, read experiences of adoptive parents again good and bad. Remember that you can’t know what side of the spectrum your adopted child will fall on.

If you have love and can provide for another child  that needs it. That’s great.  There are a lot of them out there.  If you choose not to adopt a lot of people are single children, there is nothing wrong with being an only child.

Answer 2

well it looks like my 4 year old daughter will also be an only child.

It was 4 long years of waiting and heartbreak (multiple miscarriages) before I got pregnant with her.

I always wanted 2 children, but have come to terms with the fact that I will probably only have one. There were many times that I really thought I would NEVER have children. My daughter gives me great joy and I am so grateful that I was able to finally carry a baby to term.

I am really close to my sister and know that my daughter  will not have that kind of relationship. However I also have friends who are not close to their siblings (one is from a family of 7!) so there is no guanrantee.

My daughter is involved in lots of activities and we get together with friends regularly. Like all 4 year olds she is self-centred, but I am really trying to nip that in the bud.

Recently she was getting away with not doing  things for herselfbecause there is only one child demanding my attention "mummy I can`t do it...heeeeelp meeeeeee!"I got advice from my friend with twins and a new-born....and added some more tough love into my parenting.

I don`t think that I am depriving my daughter by not giving her a sibling, as a lot of rude ignorant people have suggested. She has loving relatives and is already surrounded by friends. I have decided that she will benefit from pre-school from this year as she is starting to get a little bored with mum.

I am content with what I have......but if you feel that another child is what your heart is crying out for...then you should go for adoption.

In my case I feel that striving for another child whether through TTC or adoption is a struggle I am just not prepared to go through. My daughter was worth the struggle, but I just don`t want another child enough to do it again (though if another baby just came along I would welcome him or her gladly)

Answer 3

My aunt had the smae problem. She could no longer have anymore kids after my cousin. She decided to do an adoption. Her 3 year old daughter loves her baby brother and now has someone to play with. (he's now 2) and she thought the adoption went so well she's planning on adopting another baby.

Answer 4

Well, I am an only child and I HATE IT! And I've always wanted an adopted brother or sister for some reason. To help the adopted child out because they've gone through hard times. I think it'd be a great idea. It'll give a good child a good home. :)

Answer 5

I would adopt. It wouldnt only be a nice thing to do, But i live without my siblings and i get bored and lonely. I think yall should adopt him a little sister or brother.

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?...

Answer mine please.

Answer 6

If you want another child, then ADOPT... there are so many children out there that need loving parents, such as yourself.  So if you want another one than definitly do it!  And I think you should give your son a sibling.  When he is older and relatives start passing away, he will still have a brother or sister.  Sorry to put it that way, but its true!  =)

Good Luck!!!

Answer 7

I can't imagine not knowing the joy of a brother or sister to experience life !

Answer 8

hi,

you do need to be really careful when adopting another child.Adopting is a very good option beacuse you so will grow up learing that not everything can come with a click of the fingers. However you have to explain to your son what you are doing i think that adopting a new born would be best beacuse then your son can get used to him and the new born can grow up with a big brothe to look after them.

  i would choose adoption beacuse then yo and yor son can make the most of a family and it would be company for your son.

Answer 9

I think that you should explore any and all options, including having a friend or family member carry your "test-tube" baby to term.   Adoption can be a blessing for some, though for others an enormous pain in the keester.   Biological kin resurfacing to claim or reclaim your adoptive child is a possibility if you and your husband were to adopt.  If that is something that you cannot deal with, adoption is probably not for you.

Answer 10

I'd adopt a child cause those kids have no family or friends and they reallly want one!!!

Answer 11

If you think you would like to adopt, consider adopting a child who already is living without parents.  Contact your local Department of Children's Service/Family Service/Social Services (or whatever it's called in your area) to find out about adopting a child who is otherwise growing up in foster care.

Answer 12

If you really want another child then I would adopt, but dont adopt just for the sake of giving your son a brother or sister.  I think a child should be wanted just for himself and be special in his own right.

Answer 13

I am and adopted only child- and I was ok, most of the time not having a sibling- it never bothered me much- however when my husband and I adopted our first child, we decided to go ahead and adopt a 2nd child. We are very glad we did- however just as there may be some families that have problems with one child, it isn't also wonderful with sibling rivalry either- however I would suggest you talk to each other about why you want another child. Is it to fulfill a need in you, or do you think that your four year old would do better with a sibling.  GO ahead and adopt if that is what you really desire- because it does seem that you have enough love to go around.

Answer 14

Yes, you should adopt.  However, what others have said is certainly true, be sure not to play favorites between your biological children and your adopted one(s).

Answer 15

You should adopt a child! I have two children and I too want to adopt. Ive always known I wanted to do this because there are so many children that need loving homes and my husband and I have truly been blessed. If your relationship with your husband is stable than do it. Your son would benefit immensely. Think about if you want an older child or a baby. You could adopt a four year old as well, so he has some one to play with. I t depends on your needs. Do you have the want to care for a baby or would you like to help a older child. You can adopt through DCF Department of Children and Families. You can go on their website and look at the children available as well as all the guidelines too.

You can also ask someone in your family to carry your child like a sister or sister in law. If I was able to carry a child still, I would do it for my sister in law.

If you have a need to have a child- biologically or adoption the need will not leave, at least for a while.

Think and research before you do it. Is your husband okay with adoption? If so, whats stopping you?

Good Luck

Answer 16

Yes, I agree as well. Adopt a child. That'll smooth things out for your boy, and he'll have a buddy when he gets older.

Answer 17

I would adopt.I think that it could make ur son happy to have a sibling to play with and get up to mischief with.lol.

The best thing would b to get a newborn.

Answer 18

Adopt - it seems like you really want to! :)

Answer 19

You could always hire a women to carry a baby for you as an option!  It would still be your biological child.  I was an only child and I hated it, so of course I'm all for getting him a sibling!

Answer 20

It is tough growing up an only child.   Since you can't have more children, giving your child up for adoption to a larger family would be an excellent decision.

Answer 21

I am an only child.As I was growing up life was wonderful.My own room etc etc....but I had no one to teach me things or vice versa.

As life has gone on there were many times I wish I had someone to count on but I do not.

If you have the ability to adopt a child...do so.Not only for just the sheer need of a home for that child but also to give your child someone to grow up with.

When i was married I always said I wanted at the very least of 2 children...and now I have my 2 boys.Sure,they fight all the time but at least they have one another.

Trust me..early in life they may nt be happy w/ one another but later they will be happy about your decision.

Answer 22

I would suggest talking to other parents (ones that adopted after having birth children and those who just raised a single child).

That would be my suggestion.  My personal bias (I was adopted and my sister has 3 adopted kids) leans towards you adding to your family with adoption.  If you can emotionally and financially support more children, then I urge you to adopt.  It can be a wonderful blessing.

Good luck with your decision.

Answer 23

As an only child myself, I would recommend that if you have the financial means, adopt. First of all, there are millions of kids in the world looking for someone to love and care for them. Second, you already said you want more kids, Third, the child you have now will probably be much happier in the long run if he has (a) sibling(s). I know I always wanted a brother or sister, and I now want to have a large family myself if I am able to.

Adopting can be complicated, and it's not a decision to be made lightly, but I think that if you want more kids and are already considering it, it might be the right choice for you.

Answer 24

Please Adopt. Some children never get the chance to grow up in a FAMILY enviroment.

Answer 25

i would give u advice..................................... i think you should adopt a baby because u could go in serious injury  if you have your own baby that comes from between your legs..............i should no im a doctor

Answer 26

I think if you can afford to raise another child and provide a good home , that you should adopt one. A lot of orphans would love to be adopted and have a good family.

Answer 27

Go with your gut feelings. If you want to adopt then don't be hesitant but if you are then now is probably not the right time. I would suggest that you start the process to adopt- filling forms, attending classes, getting a home study, etc. so that if you decide to adopt later you would hopefully have everything ready. Good Luck!!!!

Answer 28

I totally think you should. There are a lot of kids out there that could use parents. My cousin adopted a little girl from China and has added so much to their life. And with China's law of only being allowed one kid, there definately is a need for parents for the children that get left in the street. I'm sure there are other countries that have a similar need too.

Have you ever watched adoption story on the TLC channel. That might answer some questions and help you out.

Answer 29

I would suggest looking into adoption and educating yourself before you make any decisions. I think speaking to people in the triad would be good, just to hear from first hand experience. Dont jump into something your not 100% on, especially adopting. Good luck on whatever you do.

Answer 30

I would adopt.  My fiancee and I are definitely planning on adoption has well have children on or own.

Answer 31

It is personal choice, I always wanted more than one but ended up with one.  Once she got to five I had decided I did not want a big gap between children was content to get pregnant if it happened.  Now she is 21 and an only child and love the fact that we can help her out when she needs something.  If we had had any more we would not have been able to do that. She has plenty of friends and does not regret being an only child.