Should we invite her?

Question

One of my fiance's groomsmen has a girlfriend (been with just under a year). She's 18, he's 24 (don't get me started). We're trying to decide if we should invite her or not. We're allowing my other fiance's groomsmen bring his girlfriend because they're serious and have been together longer and we know her a lot better. Our general rule is to not allow guests to bring guests unless they're in a serious, long-term relationship, living together or married. This guy doesn't live with her, so we're torn on what this qualifies as.

Also, this particular groomsmen is very weird when his girlfriend is around. As in, he's unfocused on anything but her and doesn't socialize when she's around. It's very weird, but he's very immature for his age (he's a good guy, though).

What would you guys do in this situation? We're leaning toward no because we've only met her once for about a minute and don't really want to pay for her meal. But on the other hand, we don't want to offend him if he says, "Well, so-and-so got to bring HIS girlfriend." I think he would respect our decision either way, but we want to make the right now.

Answer 1

I totally understand your dilemma, but I would say that you should allow him to bring his girlfriend.  If they have been together for almost a year (and over a year by the time of your wedding), then that already qualifies as a serious relationship.  Regardless of how he gets when he's around her, he should be able to perform his normal groosman duties on the day of his friend's (your fiance's) wedding.  Also, because he is a groomsman, he definitely gets special status as far as bringing dates, and if you allow the other one to bring his gf but not this one, he will be very offended and might ruin your special day.

Good luck and congratulations! =)

Answer 2

As expensive as weddings already are, to allow EVERY guest to have their own guest, would be silly. Especially if they are indeed, single. However, you should allow any of the attendants to bring whomever they like as their dates, figuring that they spent so much time, effort, and money of their own to be in your wedding. I have to say you have quite a conundrum... but when it comes down to it, if this girl makes you feel uncomfortable, or you foresee the groomsman becoming all "wierdsy" if she is there and this bothers you, then no, don't invite her. Your wedding, your rules.

Answer 3

I understand what your saying b/c my reception sits 150 and we're trying to fit close family and friends and my aunt wants to invite people that she works with that i haven't even met. U have the right to invite or don't invite whomever u please but the way your judging it is wrong. lol Just tell the groommens that space is limited and u want to fit family and close friends first. i'm sure he'll understand b/c these things can be very costly. if u wanted you could charge for the reception i wanted to do that but my fiance told me NO! lol maybe just $5 so u could get some of the money back. Or just invite her to the wedding and not the reception (assuming there in 2 different places like mine) I'm inviting the world to my wedding (at our church) but only a selected few get reception invites. just take into considerations that people don't like coming to these sort of events without a date. it can be quite depressing b/c at least they have someone to talk to. Well that's all i have to say. Congrats and Good luck!!  

Answer 4

You're asking if you should have a double standard. 1 year is a serious relationship, and whether they're living together or not shouldn't be a factor. You said she's 18, and seem to object to this (I'm not sure if it's because she's 18, or because he's a little bit older than her), but then you imply that they should be living together or else not be taken seriously.

And you are quite correct to not give "and guest" invites, especially for the wedding party. There's nothing worse than having to sit through a wedding for people you don't know, with the exception of enduring the reception afterwards, especially when your "date" is stuck at the head table and can't keep you company.

Answer 5

I say its your wedding, you can invite or not invite whoever you want to. I had a similar situation to deal with on my wedding day, and unfortunately I just left things more or less unsaid, and she got to come to my wedding, but I really did not want her there. I got over it, she didn't do anything to bother me, So I guess what I am saying is, if it will make your groomsman happy, let her come. You are going to be sooo busy on your special day you probably wont even realize she is there. Good luck with whatever decision you make, and remember its your day, do what YOU want!

Answer 6

OK....you are putting way too much into this.

IF you allow the other groomsmen to bring a date....then let this one also.  Period.

Obviously, you like the other girl better, and that is fine...no debating that.  But, you want BOTH groomsmen to be happy.  So....who cares if he gets goo-goo eyed when she is around...at least he will have fun.  And, you and your groom will be so busy you won't have time to notice.

I say invite the girl so that the groomsman (your fiance's friend) will have fun and leave it at that.

Answer 7

I personally have no issue with not allowing guests unless they are seriously committed.

If you have decided that for everyone else, they must be living together/ dating for years, then don't invite her. Explain that its so that you don't upset the guests, even though they may consider themselves serious it may not look that way to other guests. Since you cannot really determine how serious a relationship is without being in it, you have decided they must have been together for years (plural) or live together. Don't mention any of your other concerns to them to avoid other drama. This shows that it is not anything against them, even if in the back of your mind it kind of is. Blame it on venue size.

If you allow him to bring his girlfriend, the guests may be able t to handle it since he is in the wedding party. I think it is most polite to keep the same rules for them though, since you don't want it to look like you consider the guests second class.

Answer 8

easy: stick to your rule.  Long term serious relationships only.  If he complains tell him you guys are on a budget and this is the rule you set, no exceptions.  (obviously do it nicely, don't be rude about it).

Answer 9

Just let her come. As long as she doesn't cause any drama i dont really think its a huge deal.  

Answer 10

Way too long, kiddo.

Answer 11

I don't think I would have invited her in this situation.  Wedding etiquette used to dictate that only married couples needed to be invited together.  These days with so many couples living together and even having children without getting married, the rule has gotten stretched a lot further.  I am all for stretching the rule to invite any couples who are engaged, living together, or where you're friends with both members of the couple.  If you haven't met her for more than a minute than to me that says that either they're not that serious or she's not really interested in either of his friends.  Either way I would have removed her name from the list for that.  I know I wanted my wedding to feel more intimate with just people I knew there.

Answer 12

I've known my fiance for seven years, been with him for over two, and have been engaged for eight months and we don't live together. Does that mean we're not serious? You really can't decided the seriousness of a relationship based anything unless you are one of the people in the relationship. If you don't want to offend this groomsman you should invite her.

Answer 13

do what u want it is your day

Answer 14

I think it would be weird to invite the gf of one groomsmen and not the other.

It wouldn't seem right.

Invite her.

Answer 15

Of course you should invite her.  In fact, it is considered proper weding etiquette to invite every single guest to bring a date.  The invitations for your single guests should be addressed to "Mr. John Smith and Guest."  If you can't afford to have all the guests plus their dates, cut back your guest list, but it is SO lame to attend a wedding, which is full of romance and dancing and whatnot, as a single person without even the option of bringing a date.  What are all the single guests or guests with significant others who weren't "serious" enough to qualify for your wedding supposed to do when the DJ's playing slow-dance songs, stand around and look at each other?  If I were a single person invited to a wedding and not allowed to bring a date, I wouldn't go at all.  And if I was a person with a boyfriend whom I loved but didn't necessarily live with yet, and I wasn't allowed to bring him, then I'd purposely boycott your wedding and tell you to your face why I wasn't coming.

If you actually know the name of the groomsman's girlfriend, by all means invite her by name.  It would be pointed and rude to invite other groomsmen's girlfriends and not her, just because you don't deem their relationship as "serious," and just because you have an obvious prejudice towards them because of their age difference (which, by the way, is none of your business since they're both legal adults.)  So my suggestion to you is to invite this girl, as well as dates for all your single guests.  I also advise you to get off your high, engaged horse and stop deciding which guests' significant others are significant enough to get on your guest list.  Lots of people are not engaged, married or living together by choice- that doesn't make them any less in love or special to one another.  

Answer 16

I say invite her.  If all the other groomsmen are bringing dates, it would be quite rude for him to be all alone.  You know? Think about it.  He's at the bridal party table and everyone else has a date, except him.  Not a very nice thing to do.    Plus, they have been together for about a year and as  someone said, more than a wedding at the time of your wedding.    I think that constitutes an invite.  Also, what's the deal about him being 24 and her being 18?   Does that really matter if they are in love?  I was 20 when I started dating my boyfriend, he was 26.  So, we had a similar age gap.   We are still together 4 years later.

Answer 17

I say just invite her... if he is important enough to be a part of your day you should respect his decisions on who he is dating... and its not fair to exclude a groomsmen g/f. if it were a guest i would say go for it but not a groomsmen.

Answer 18

Okay I wouldn't even put this much though into this. You have other things to worry about being a bride. I wouldn't bend the rule for her or him. It is your day do what you want!  

Answer 19

I dont think its for you to judge what their relationship qualifies as. Either you want the groomsman to bring a date and have a good time, or you dont.

Simple as that. I would add "and guest" for all single guests, and not speculate on their relationship.

** I see. Well if some others arent bringing dates, is it safe to say you have two categories, "in a relationship" and "single"? If so, then technically this guy is in a relationship (theyve been together almost a year!), and what Im saying is its really not for you to guess how serious it is. Im not trying to be mean, I just saying hes not single. So I would invite his guest.

Answer 20

i honestly would not invite her..if it is brought up just tell him that you invited people you know and you only met her 1 time...