Should we pay his fee's?

Question

I have a child with my ex who is an absolute rat, my son is almost 6 and he hasn't seen his bio in over 4 years, my husband is adopting my son with my ex's consent as long as I drop the CSA from getting £21k which he owes me in back payments, my ex has become quite wealthy, self employed and has quite a few houses but refuses to pay his solicitor fee's and has said that if I want the adoption to go ahead we will have to pay his fee's fro him, we are going to have enough to pay with court fee's, solicitors fee's etc, i asked my ex why is he being so petty when he hasn't paid jack **** towards my son since he was 1 1/2 and can well afford to pay his fee's which wont amount to much as he isn't having to pay for what we will have to, he doesn't care about my son he never has and all he is thinking about is the £21k that he owes me through the useless CSA, am I wrong and should we be paying his fee's or is he being the rat that he has always been

Answer 1

I say pay it and get it all done. But if you were ever on any public assistance (food stamps, welfare, etc) then they won't drop the back amount he might owe as they will want their money back.

Answer 2

First off I wouldnt be worried about him trying to get custody, as one poster suggested. Th courts always decide things in the children's best interest. To be forced to live with someone that your child hasn't seen in 4+ years would not be in his best interests. At this point, neither would visitation.

Personally I wouldn't go for your husband adopting him, I'd force the SOB to  pay up.

I too am having problems along the same line. My ex hubby is a millionaire, yet I've never seen one penny for support while I struggle to raise his kids at the poverty line. I'm fighting him, my kids deserve a college fund

***In direct response to your question, should you pay for his court fees??? h**l no!! I'd be telling him he's saving $$ already by kissing off what's already owed, and what will be due in the next 12 years.

But if you really want to be done with him, you may need to suck it up.

Answer 3

I'm not in the best of moods, so if I'm flying off the handle here, forgive me.  My response would be, "Ok, you don't want to pay these piddly little fees, then you'll see me in court to get back that 21k, Mr. HotSh!t.  How do you like that?"

Answer 4

It's not right. Whether you want a cent or not you are entitled to it and as he is doing well for himself now then he can pay you and his own expenses. Current hubby needs to cool his heels and just wait until ex hubby grows up and becomes a man and does the right thing then adoption will be no problem. I wouldn't even ask your ex for the money, the court order should summon him and they will tell him to pay up. I would also tell of his blackmailing you into asking for nothing in return for this adoption. Good luck.  :)

Answer 5

Hi I have a six year old and the bio has never seen my son.  My husband and I are going through the adoption process and we do not need a solicitor nor does the bio as it is being dealt with through social services and the local family court we only have to pay one fee which is less that £150  A social worker is assigned to the case and they come and see us then make contact with the bio to see if he objects if he does not he signs and the court complete the forms.  If he object than the social worker does a report on bio and the judge decides with no need for solicitors.  Not sure if your circumstances are the same as mine but I though it would be helpful if you knew how we were doing things.  Good luck C x

Answer 6

Hes worse than a rat pay the fee and get rid of this guy so your child will never have to deal with him at all or ask a lawyer for advise

Answer 7

I think you should cut your losses and pay the fees.  If you refuse, he might retaliate by trying to get custody, since he is in fact a rat.  Then when the adoption is complete, I would file a civil suit against him for the money. You may not win it all but you may get something back.

Answer 8

He is being a rat. Pay the fees, cut your losses and be thankful for the decent new husband you have!!  2nd bun in the oven is right - take him court after the adoption has gone through for the money back!!!

Answer 9

If you don't want/need the money, LET IT GO and write him off! Isn't it worth it to have him out of your life...

Answer 10

That is a very unfair and unfortunate situation and I'm sorry anyone has to endure it. In my opinion, only you and your husband can answer this question. However since you're asking I hope you are looking for opinions and here is mine:

If I were you, I'd sit with my husband and determine in this order:

1. CAN we afford to pay the fees?

if the answer is no, then you have your answer and seek out any alternatives to make progress if any.

if the answer is yes, then I would ask:

2. Is finalizing the adoption; legally severing my ex from our lives forever worth the money?

If the answer is no, then again you have your answer, if the answer is yes you also have your answer.

I wish you and your family the best of luck and happiness.

Answer 11

Both. He should have paid.... but at the same time making him pay for "His" child then asking him to give up that child but telling him he still has to give you money for "his" child is pretty screwed up if you ask me.

Everyone is capable of being a rat... be careful...

Answer 12

yep he is being an irresponsible rat

Answer 13

He sounds like a total pig, I would take advice from your solicitor and squeeze him for every penny you can.  It's dreadful that he's using the adoption of your son like this.