Should we spend more on the renewal of vows then we did for our wedding?

Question

We spent less then $1,000 for our wedding, and our wedding day was a disaster due to other people. Hubby says we should aim for the same amount that we spent for our wedding. I say since we have the money, we should go all out just the two of us. Trip, and honeymoon since we HAD to spend our honeymoon with his ungrateful sister and mother.

We've got something fun, romantic, and unique planned for the renewal. But hubby and I can't agree where we should go for our honeymoon.

Opinions and suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

Answer 1

You should find a compromise in between and do what pleases you both. Have a nice garden ceremony that won't cost much but is elegant and beautiful. Hire a videographer and photographer for the occasion and go on a great trip afterwards.

For the trip, how about you do this:

1. agree that this decision will be final

2. each of you make top 5 destination places and why

3. swap your lists and each pick top two of the destination places

4. swap lists back and pick one from the two destinations in your list

5. put the two destinations in a hat and pick one.

This way both of you are somewhat involved in the decision making process and there's some fun there :)

All the best.

Answer 2

Go All Out!!! Everything you missed out on the first time, get it now!!! It will show your growth as a couple and celebrate your successes as well as your commitment to each other. Go for it. Get the dress and have your kids stand up for you. Have an elaborate dinner and invite all your friends and family. Go to Atlantis, an all inclusive resort with spa services, amazing dining and beautiful accomodations. It is the perfect place for your honeymoon.

Answer 3

Have a small intimate ceremony with family & close friends and blow the money on a honeymoon vacation!

I am all for saving money but when you get old all you've got is your memories of what you did together to make your relationship last.

Set a specific amount you feel comfortable in spending and find a place where you both want to spend time together.

Answer 4

It's not so much about the amount of money you spend, it's about you and your husband doing something nice for yourselves. Talk to him and come up with some ideas that BOTH of you find agreeable - emotionally, financially, etc. Ask him how much does he think your vacation budget should be. Just because you HAVE the money doesn't mean you should spend it on a vacation, regardless of how your wedding turned out. There are always other obligations to consider when making plans. It seems to me that for you it's a highly emotional issue, but for him it's a more practical one. You are looking at it from the point of view of "avenging" what you perceive to be a disastrous wedding, and you are prepared to spend some serious dough - but he is perhaps more detached, and sees better ways to spend / use / invest the money at the moment.

Maybe you can compromise, and come up with a vacation plan that does not involve a lot of spending but yet gives you the opportunity to get away. I don't know what part of the country you're at, but you could think about places right in your own "back yard" that you could visit - maybe a national park, a historic town, a B&B on a ranch, I dunno. You might also want to check out cruises - a 5-7 day cruise may be a nice all-inclusive option, especially if you live close to a port of call and don't have to splurge on airfare. I think, it's best to try and put the "avenger" attitude aside and be a bit more rational about the whole thing. If a fairy-tale vacation is not possible at the moment, try to come up with a reasonable option you and your husband can both enjoy. Good luck and congrats.

P.S. Maybe his mother and sister were "ungrateful" and whatnot, but it REALLY is time to let it go. If this is one of the items you keep bringing up with your husband to justify an expensive vacation, it's not going to earn you "brownie points" or help you resolve the conflict. The reason to take a nice vacation (and I agree with the previous poster that after 8 years, you don't call it a "honeymoon") is that it's simply a *nice* thing to do for yourselves, and it will help you relax and reconnect. Having had to spend a few days or weeks with his family 8 years ago is NOT a good reason to take a vacation; what happened so long in the past has nothing to do with your decisions now. And continuously bashing your hubby's family will only alienate him.

PPS. A spa sounds great!

Answer 5

A renewal ceremony should be a relatively intimate ceremony for the two of you, your parents and your kids, your siblings, and your very closest friends.  It shouldn't be a big blow-out event with a huge party and gifts and the whole 9 yards.

The more recently you were married, the less of an event the "renewal" should be.  

Have a small renewal ceremony with family and friends, a small party for that same small crowd.  And then if you and your husband wish to take a blow-out VACATION (it isn't a honeymoon) for just the two of you, have a good time.  Take a cruise.  Go to Australia.  Spend a month in Europe.  Go to Disney World.  The vacation destination only needs to be somewhere you and your husband can agree on and will have a good time once there.

EDIT:  You've been "together" 8 years?  Does that mean you got married 8 years ago?  Or does that mean you started dating 8 years ago and got married more recently than that?  Frankly, a renewal of vows is nice for one of the big anniversaries, but you haven't even been married 10 years.  You aren't renewing your vows - you're just wanting to throw yourself a wedding to make up for what you didn't have the first time.  Skip the ceremony.  Take a nice vacation with your husband.  Find a way to compromise on a destination - a weekend at a spa might be your idea of heaven, but most men would rather die first than sit around while you have facials and manicures and massages.  And here's one final idea.  If the two of you can't agree on this vacation thing .... drop it.  Leave the money in the bank.  Invest it.  Keep adding to it.  Then in a couple of years, you'll have even more money to spend.  It isn't worth fighting over, it isn't worth the drama.  You'll both have a lousy time if you end up going somewhere only one of you wanted to go.

Answer 6

do what your husband says.  You blew it on your wedding.  Now listen to the voice of reason.  And, don't blame other people for your mistakes.  Wake up and smell the coffee