Should we try and get pregnant? Serious answers only please. This is a serious topic.?

Question

My fiance and I are getting married on the first of next month (less than a week). He is a Marine and will be leaving for Iraq in August. I am very scared because I've never had to send someone off to Iraq before and I fear that he won't come home. I know he can take care of himself but there is that fear in the back of your mind (Military Wives, you know what I'm talking about). He has been to Iraq before and came back but the scary part is if he doesn't, we'll never be able to have our children

So my question is would it be right to try and get pregnant before he leaves for Iraq? I'm currently a college student in my sophomore year and he'll be busy serving overseas. Is this the wrong thing to do? I want to make sure if he doesn't come back that I have him still with me. But when he does come back, we'll have a child

I know it is a decision between us but if your wife (or husband) approached you about getting pregnant before a deploment, what would you say?

Answer 1

I would go for it if.  We had 7 miscarriages and 8 years of trying to have a child before we had our first.  then unexpectedly 4 years later our last.  Some times you just have to roll with it cause like you said you might miss your chance. You can go to school and be a mom it will be busy but to look in his or her face when they say they luv u.  then you know you did the right thing.  Talk it over with your husband.  Make the decision together, but dont think just cause you decide to go for it or even to wait-- that it will happen the way you want it to and then what?   only God knows for sure.  Good luck future mom.

Answer 2

Well, I may not be the best qualified to answer, since I don't know that many young soldiers, but as a college student I can offer my opinion.  

I'd suggest against trying to get pregnant unless you're willing to shoulder a very heavy burden.  You know for a fact that your fiance (soon-to-be husband) will be gone for at least months, if not a few years.  This means that he won't be with you during your pregnancy, and may even not be given leave to visit you when you have your child.  You will spend months or even years rearing your child alone, while your husband serves out his tour of duty; this wouldn't be easy in any case, and will be harder as a college student.  Additionally, if (God forbid) your husband doesn't come back, are you ready to spend the remainder of your life as a single mother?  As I said before, it will be very difficult.  

Naturally, the decision is up to you, and to your husband-to-be.  I wish you both the best of luck.

Answer 3

I am in the military and a military wife. I suppose I have some insight on this. You can go to your nearest military medical facility and talk with the people who do artificial insemination and have some of his sperm frozen if you don't think you are ready to have kids and are worried about him making it home. It's a natural feeling, but the best thing you can do is make sure he has a will and all those other things taken care of before you decide to get pregnant. I would say if you really want to, wait for his mid tour leave and then try. Otherwise wait, you aren't even married yet.

Answer 4

Personally, and this is only my opinion becaue I know how hard it is, I would wait.  Raising a child alone and trying to go to school is ROUGH.  Yes, there is always the fear that he won't come back, but if you feel it is important to try and have a child only for that reason...only you know if it's right.  You still have to be ready for the possibility that you might not get pregnant.

Answer 5

Well, it sounds like you have a better situation to get pregnant than a lot of people.  if you truly feel ready, then I would say go for it.  However, if he didn't come home, you would have to weigh the fact that you would be a single mom.

Just to have a baby because you're scared doesn't necessarily mean you are ready to be the best mom you can be.  Have you thought of looking into having some of his sperm banked?  That may an option for you.   If the unthinkable did happen, and you wanted to have his child, you could  use the banked sperm.  Not as romantic, maybe, but when it comes to babies it's good to be practical and give the baby the best life you can give it.  In the end, you two will have to make this tough decision for yourselves.  I wish you the best and I hope he'll come home to you safe and sound, and if you're ready, I wish you a safe and happy pregnancy.

Answer 6

Personally I think it would be best to wait until he comes back.  If you REALLY want the option to have children by him and are worried about what could happen to him, have him bank some sperm before he leaves, that way you'll always have the option without having to get pregnant RIGHT NOW.  There was a story on Oprah or something a few months ago about a woman whose husband was undergoing radiation treatment for cancer (which makes you sterile) so they banked his sperm for later -- he ended up dying from the cancer, but she went ahead and had his children anyway.  Touching story......

Answer 7

First you need to look at if you both really want children and that you are not jumping into it because of fear. If you do want children than there is nothing wrong with trying right away. People will say that you are too young, but I am pregnant with my second at 20 yrs old and I couldn't be happier about it. My husband was leaving in this month and wasn't going to be here, but we choose this time and didn't look back.

He ended up not going, luck of the army draw, but I would have been fine without him. Because I have been fine without him before, for 4 months during my first pregnancy.

What I am saying is, if being a mother is you life goal, like it was mine, rather than a career, go ahead.

Answer 8

In my opinion, I would really way your pros and cons.  If you do get pregnant before he leaves then you will have to go through the pregnancy all by yourself and it is stressful!  It could cause a strain on your marriage i'm afraid.  I understand the part of always wanting a piece of him with you, but won't you always carry him with you in your heart if something happened?

Answer 9

Well, I understand your dilemma and here is how I would break it down.

First of all (call me anything you want) I can`t condone s*x outside of marriage.

So if you want to try for a baby wait till after your married.

If it is meant to be it`ll happen right?

Second of all do you have an education can you provide for the child if he doesn`t come back.

If yes then go ahead if no then I would wait.

Answer 10

Personally, I would wait until he comes back.  If you are just getting married, you haven't had the time to work on your marriage yet.  That should come first.  It would also be very difficult for me to explain to my child why he is unable to know his daddy, in case something bad did happen.  It is a decision that is between you and your husband, but IMO, it's best to wait.

Answer 11

go for it!

its worth a trygood luck x