Should women always feel like the men they date are smarter than they are?

Question

In a well-known guide to dating for women (I will not name it here, as it has kicked up controversy here before), there is a quiz to determine how one feels about finding a new relationship. Or something like that. I can't figure out what the point is. Anyway, one of the questions is:

"Do you secretly believe that you're smarter than the men you date?" Options: rarely, sometimes, frequently. Answering "frequently" = bad.

What's the problem here? Maybe she actually is smarter than the men she dates. Does this imply that a man would find this a drawback?

Discuss.

Answer 1

I can't decide if this is more insulting to men or to women.  It reeks of the unfortunate attitude that us poor men, with our fragile egos, must feel that we are superior in order to feel comfortable in a relationship.  Believe it or not, there are some men who admire and desire intelligence in a partner.  And what's this with the "secretly believe?"  I guess smart women gotta play dumb if they want to get dates.  Or is the problem that she's dating beneath herself? Either way, what a bunch of BS.

Answer 2

As a member of Mensa, it is against the odds that I will date a man that isn't a bit less intelligent than I am.  It doesn't matter to me, but it DOES seem to bother a lot of guys??? insecure, but not the guys I have dated for long terms.  If a man (boy) wants a Kelsey Grammer ex-nanny wife Camille type that stares up like a dog while the man talks, and nods approvingly like one of those dogs (you put in the back of the cars) that we bought in Mexico - well, they can just go elsewhere.  I don't dumb down for anyone.

Nor should you.  If a woman is that desperate for a man, and ould take that book's advice, then they should go all the way and get a lobotomy.

Why don't these guys just wait outside the mental hospitals and hit on the retarded.  Then the guys are bound to be more intelligent.

Answer 3

We are smarter-it's just the fact that we use reverse psychology to make you think that we think you're smarter than us.Gets us what we want in the end and you're happy, too-lol

Mission Accomplished

WIN-WIN

Answer 4

I see no benefit to dating a woman that can out-smart me.

Answer 5

I don't know if they alway should.  I think that in a good relationship both parties know things the other doesn't.  Otherwise, conversation will be boring.  Don't you ladies prefer to date someone who is passionate and knowledgeable about something you know little about?  If unknown=exciting, than the date will be more exciting.  Personally, I know alot about many things.  However, one of my hobbies is cold-reading and mental magic tricks.  I have yet to go on a date where she doesn't want to talk all night about this talent and how it is done.

Answer 6

Well me being a nerd myself I wouldn't mind a guy as smart or smarter than me.............but then again thats just me

Answer 7

What is the source? I can't respond without a source.

Answer 8

Oh Lord,not at my house.

My girlie is my intellectual superior,but I manage to hold her interest.

Answer 9

The book that you are reading is trying to "help" woman get the second date and ultimately the husband.  The truth is most guys don't like woman who are smarter than them. Guys like to have the upper hand and feel as though they are in control.  I describe this as remote control intelligence. So men like woman who are intelligent, but don't make them feel stupid.  They like to be able to call upon this intelligence to benefit themselves, but then flip the channel when they want to "wear the pant".  School teacher by day, Hooker by night!  Ahh every mans dream....... When I was dating many years ago (uggh!) I actually went on a first date with a guy who never called me back.  We later ran into each other and became friend.  He told me he didn't want to go out with me again because he didn't feel like he had anything to offer me.  In other words I had it all together and he felt useless.  So take it for what it's worth....don't act dingy, but don't be a know it all.  Good luck

Answer 10

While in your case it is alwasy statistically very probable, I believe, generally, it varies from couple to couple.

Answer 11

I don't think it's a drawback so long as the woman isn't constantly telling me I am dumber than her or anything. Honestly I am very attracted to intelligent women who I can learn something from, as the majority of women I meet regularly are not that bright and it's very hard to have a conversation with a woman who is only knowledgable about fashion or reality TV. Kind of like if the average woman went out with a guy who only ever talked about sports and p**n she would start to get bored pretty quick.

Edit: LBDSM's answer way down the bottom there is a pretty good example of what any sane man would avoid. A person who feels superior despite having little reason to short of membership in an organisation for people who like taking abstract IQ tests.

Answer 12

Maybe it is gaging the person's tendency to feel superior.

It may just be saying that you should "feel" that you are smarter.. even if you are.. that you should "feel" like the two of you are on an even playing ground.

Which I agree. I was in a relationship where I "KNEW" I was by far the smarter of the two.. and it was exhausting.

I'm now with a person I see as my intellectual equal and I'm much happier.

I think this goes for women and MEN alike, how can you be in a meaningful relationship if you are judging yourself as "smarter"?

Answer 13

h**l no. Men may not like it but you don't have to tell them that you are or think you are smarter than they are.

Answer 14

Yes, but it is good to be on the same level, the male should be the provider so therefore should be a bit more smarter in some aspects.

Answer 15

Certainly not.

Just incidentally, in two of my past relationships, the guys in question (one was a husband, one was a boyfriend) expressed negative feelings about the fact that they felt I was smarter than them.

I think men fret about this much more than women do.

Answer 16

I hope not. All of except one of my gfs has been smarter than me.

Answer 17

It's possible. My mother always told me to be smarter than the man I was dating, I don't agree nor do I disagree w/ her. I can only say that it would work if both partners were equally as smart. I do think that insecure men would prefer their women dumb but then again, not all men are insecure.

Answer 18

Ladies, you definitely don't want to be with a guy who is dumber than you. It will frustrate the heck out of you. Men who are as intelligent as you are have a hard enough time understanding you and your needs because of basic gender differences. If you date man who is noticeably less intelligent than you are, it will make all of your relationship problems much worse. Women in my family who I care about have gone out with men who were significantly less intelligent than they were and they paid a heavy price for it. Date and marry guys who are as smart or smarter than you.

Answer 19

won't hurt to face the truth from time to time... LOL

ok, seriously..

i think it implies that whether you feel smart yourself or not, it is not good to assume that your date is 'stupid' ..not only because you probably don't have yet that solid a basis to think such -other than you are biased against men. but more so because, feeling that way is NOT really a positive thing to bring on a date, because you'll end up finding faults in the guy -who would probably be discreet enough not to make a full showcase of his abilities.

ergo, the date shall end in failure.. (if you insist on thinking you are always smarter)

Answer 20

I used to date a guy who would boast about how intelligent he was. I agree that he was smart but it became more of an issue about ego.

Boasting about your intelligence is a turn off to anyone. You can be smarter than someone and know it, but it's disrespectful to brag about it (and annoying).

Answer 21

i belong to the Prometheus Society. i secretly believe that i don't know any smarter than the men you date. how many is there again? where is the tv guide? i see the smart ones at chucks n' cheeses. 5 tickets buy an iq point with 100 standard deviatories

Answer 22

Rio has a s*x buddy? Ew

Answer 23

The angle you ask the question says alot. Are women forced into relationships? Women can make as much as men do, but, if a woman gets with a more afluent man, who's decision was it? Was it because the woman wanted a man better than her, or was it the man who wanted a woman less than him? Your own personal stereotype sways the question.

Everyone seems to angle everything on "man's fault". Smart men get with dumb women because they (men) are insecure. Never looking at the angle that dumb women get with smart men because they (women) are insecure. Again, its your own personal stereotype. You automaticaly set one gender as a victim, therefore the other gender must be at fault.

Should women ALWAYS FEEL (key words) like the men they date are smarter than they are? Answer: No. But how often does it happen the other way? Women will still look for a man to be smarter, stronger, taller... how often would a women choose a dumber, weaker, shorter guy!? Rarely. But people like you post questions as if the man is the one turned off by it, and not the women.

*meh*... its your world.