Should you foot the bridesmaid bill?

Question

Your daughter has been asked to be bridesmaid and is very excited about getting to look like a princess for the day. Yet, since you agreed the couple have told you they're expecting you to pay for a specific outfit which is above your budget and isn’t really something your daughter would wear again. The couple have booked a posh reception so it's not as though they're desperate to cut costs. Should you foot the bridesmaid bill?

Answer 1

Forgive me for staring at your pic ! what was the question again?

Answer 2

I'm being a bridesmaid in November and am paying for my own dress. When i get married in July my bridesmaid are paying for their own dresses, the only difference between the two is that when i marry, my bridesmaids can choose their own dresses, but when i am being a bridesmaid, i have been told what to wear.

Personally i think it is a bit cheeky, to be told you have to pay for a dress, but you can't choose the style or the price!

If they really want your daughter to be a bridesmaid i think they should let you choose what she is wearing (with a bit of input form the bride obviously).

Answer 3

I'm getting married in November and I had always expected that I would pay for all the bridal parties attire however my mother in law to be is making the girls dresses for about a 3rd of the cost and they have insisted they will pay for their own dresses and shoes and hair themselves (one of my BM's is a qualified make-up artist). The only thing I am buying them is their jewellery. This was NOT my request though and I think the bride and groom should always foot the bill. After all...they pick their bridesmaids.  

Answer 4

In the USA, it is traditional for the attendant to pay their own costs: dress, shoes, transportation, etc. The only thing provided are the flowers she will carry. And possibly the jewelry she wears might be the gift from the bride, but not necessarily. The bridesmaids also pay for their own hair and nails and may be expected to give a shower, attend others, attend engagement parties, and give a batchelorette party. And some or all of these events involve buying gifts.

Up to you if you want to pay, it is your daughter, if you wish her to decline the honor, of course you may. Unfortunately, most bridesmaids dresses are not appropriate to wear elsewhere, and might be hard to sell, since they go out of style quickly [this year's colors are not next year's colors]. Sometimes someone will buy the dress, and use the fabric in it to make something else, but they buy at a fraction of the cost of the dress. You could always give it to charity, and claim it on your income tax, or use it for a trick or treat costume [or part of one] later.

Answer 5

no they should pay for it

Answer 6

In the US - which I understand differs from the other side of the pond - it is customary for the bridesmaid to buy her own dress and shoes in order to be in the wedding party.

So, from where I'm at I don't see why a parent should be paying the bill for their daughter to be a bridesmaid in someones wedding, the daughter should be paying to be a bridesmaid.

As for the budget, that is something that should be taken up with the couple.  I ensured that any dress I chose for my bridesmaids was under $150 - - which is more than reasonable.

Answer 7

NO.......... it's normally paid by the person who asks (bride/groom)

I didn't ask my bridesmaid to pay for her dress.

Answer 8

No it's up to the Bride/Brides party to provide bridesmaids apparel.We did for best maid and flower girls.I've never heard of a bridesmaid footing the bill for her own dress.Don't be blackmailed.

Answer 9

I think etiqette rules say that bridesmaid pay for their own dress and accessories.  Personally I think that sucks especially if the bride and groom are planning more expensive outfits than you can afford, I think thats why brides take the bridesmaids with them to choose the dresses, that way everyone has input as to how much is spent, its completely unreasonable for a bride to start deciding how much you should be spending.

I had this issue with my sister in law a few years ago, she asked 3 of our kids to be pages and bridesmaid and made a big deal of telling my daughter that we'd have a special girlie day out to find the dress and then went and bought it on her own and expected me to cough up a small fortune for a dress and shoes that were horrible and could never be worn again!  And similar she wanted specific shiny patent shoes for my boys that were 60 pound a pair and there was no way I'd ever get them to wear them again, I was thinking I could buy suitable schools that theyd then be able to use for school the following term, but oh no she insisted on these hideous things, again, she bought them without us seeing them or even being asked an opinion.  Then the cheeky cow had her hen night and didnt invite me, my sisters or our mum, so I told her to stuff her wedding up her as* and as I hadnt paid a thing toward the clothing and shoes as she'd bought them all herself and I hadnt got round to giving her the cheque for them yet we saved ourselves hundreds and hundreds of pounds and guess what, a year later they bloody divorced.  Ha.

I seriously think brides need to not be so damned selfish and realise that their wedding is a pretty expensive affair for those attending! I know its an honour to be asked to be bridesmaid but they really need to take into account your budget, I'd tell them that you cant afford it and didnt realise that you'd be footing the bill and see if theres a compromise that can be reached.

Answer 10

Traditionally it's the bride's responsibility to PAY for her bridesmaids dresses

Answer 11

No you shouldn't . I always thought it was down to the bride to pay for the bridesmaids dresses as the dresses are supposed to complement hers. I have never heard of the bridesmaisd being expected to pay for her dress before, I think that is awful.

Answer 12

Well, I have gone halfers with my bridesmaids, but I am workin with a budget and they all are happy to do this for me, maybe you should sit down and speak to the bride and discuss costs.  Being a bride myself though I can see how hard it is to keep everyone happy!  Communication is the thing, if I was the bride I would be trying to work with you to get a compromise :)

Good Luck!!

Answer 13

they pay..

Answer 14

It is increasingly common for bridesmaids to pay for their dresses or hair etc.

If you can not afford the dress talk to the couple about it. If you refuse outright the couple may tell your daughter she can't be a bridesmaid after all and that will cause more problems.

If you talk to the couple you might be able to work out a solution with you paying a percentage of the bill.

Also, a posh reception doesn't always equal an expensive reception

Answer 15

I think they should pay for it.  

I had a "friend" that wanted me to be a bridesmaid.  We went with another one of her bridesmaids to stores to get ideas on what to wear and we had all agreed on keeping the costs down since most people including the bride didn't have alot of money.  Later, this other BM pitched these other dresses to the bride so she went with that.  

They cost way too much and I told her that I couldn't afford that but she got mad at me saying that I should have been saving up for her wedding.  She then told me that either I come up with the money or I couldn't be in the wedding.  So I declined to be in the wedding.



Our friendship never really recovered.

Answer 16

At my cousin's wedding I was a bridesmaid and my mom was the maid of honor and my mom paid for her dress and mine's so.............

......which my mom thought was kind of lame but.......

.......hey, we were family, right?

Answer 17

These days it's becoming more common for bridesmaids to pay for their own things for a wedding. My sisters wedding was back in April & the bridesmaids paid for their own things, not cause we didnt want to but the grooms parents became extremely tight-a$$ed & contributed almost nothing.

But we had nice, yet totally affordable dresses & is a dress that can definitely be worn again.

But if this bride & groom are having a really lush wedding, THEY should be paying, they obviously arn't on a budget like most people are for their weddings. If they seriously can afford to pay for the bridesmaid dresses but just don't want to, that is really rude of them.

Answer 18

no you shouldnt be expected to pay a penny that's the bride and grooms job,

luckily enough for me my sisters are offering to pay for there own at my wedding instead of gifts but i'm still paying for the other bridesmaid i'd never dream of asking her parents,

i hope you get this sorted out it's quite a tricky situation to be  in,

xx

Answer 19

I've been a bridesmaid 7 times, and i have never been expected to pay for my dress.

The only part of my outfit which i sometimes get are the hair accessories i personally want.

Iv never heard of the bridesmaids parents being asked to pay for the dress, and as for being out of your budget that's something you need to discuss with them. Its not fair for them to ask that of you.

Answer 20

It is proper wedding etiquette that each bridesmaid, including the maid of honor, pay for their own dress and shoes.  If the bridesmaid's parents have agreed to purchase the dress and shoes, then yes you must pay.  If the cost is out of your budget the bridesmaid may have to send the bride her regrets, in plenty of time to ask another.

Answer 21

Generally bride maids do pay for their own dresses, shoes, accessories and hair/make up.  The bride may buy something as a gift or offer to pay for the hair.  But generally its up to the party to pay their own way.  

that will also include costs on the shower and bachelortte.  

Answer 22

NO. BM should know the finacial responsability when accepting to be part of a bridal party.

Beware that the expenditures do not end there; the Bm will also have to pay for matching shoes, hair, nails and make up, matching jewely/accesories, bachelorette party expenses, bridal shower, bridal shower gift and wedding gift.

If you cannot afford to be a BM, then decline the offer as sson as possible.

Good luck

PS/ I've been trying my best to be considerate of my BM and want them to spend as little as possible, but no matter how much you offer to pay yoruself, some peopel just keep on whinning and complaining.

Answer 23

i'm surpirsed by all the people who say the bride and groom should pay. maybe it's different depending on wher you live.. but i live in new york and it is always the bridesmaids responsibility to pay for her own dress around here.

Answer 24

No you should'nt.Its their wedding so they should be paying for it not you