Should you set your wedding the same month as a very good friends?

Question

My fiance and I have been engaged for quite a while and recently set our wedding date. We have some very close friends that up until very recently, like within the past 6 months, said they didn't believe in marriage and are just going to buy a house and have babies. We set our date and another couple of close friends got engaged and are planning their wedding next year. Now all the sudden they are getting married and are talking about having their wedding the same month as my fiance and I. They are not even engaged yet and already setting dates. Is it wrong that I feel upset and hurt by this? I don't want to be a bridezilla, but it just seems very backhanded. It feels like it is okay to disregard our plans and dreams because they all the sudden decided they wanted to get married like everyone else. It feels like a ridiculous competiton, which they are pron to putting their friends in. My family and friends agree with me, of course, but I wanted and outside perspective.

Answer 1

This is incredibly rude. I actually just posted a question about this because I'm in the same situation. Out of nowhere, after my fiance and I set our date and announced our engagement to everyone, one of my fiance's groomsmen, his cousin and very close friend, decides he's going to ask his girlfriend to marry him, and SHE demands that they get married a month before us (about three and a half weeks). It's a long story, but that's the gist.

My opinion is that no family member should do this to another. Weddings only happen once (for most people), and everyone should have their time. My entire family feels the same way and is adamant on the rule that the couple who announces their date first, gets priority, and no one should have their weddings a few months before or after.

I'm especially fumed about my particular situation because my fiance and I have been together four years, have survived serious illnesses, etc., and are finally in a place where we feel we are ready for marriage, and this groomsmen has a girlfriend who completely disregards any of that refuses to wait another year, even  though they've only been together for less than a year, and are both two years younger than us.

It's so rude to do that. I feel for you. Unfortunetly, all you can do is be gracious, smile, nod, and complain to your fiance about how much it sucks. But don't cave in on any of your wedding plans for these people. Say you'd love to attend, but won't know until a few weeks before because your own wedding comes first.

EDIT: I also forgot to add that when I posted this question about my own situation, most people told ME that I was being the selfish one, which is beyond me. I really don't understand how people could think this is okay.

EDIT: Garnet Glitter - what a rude response. No, it's not a wedding month, but there are LOTS of events that coincide with a wedding that span out over a year. If close friends or family members plan a wedding, the other friend/family member should have the decency to to give that couple a little breathing room out of respect for them (so that everyone can take time off work, afford to be in that person's wedding) and the guests attending. Us brides that are siding with the original asker are not greedy or selfish, we're the ones that worry about other's comfort and it's the people who schedule weddings close to ours that completely disregard guests and other family members that will now have to attend two weddings in such a close time span.

Where I'm from (NY) and where I live (Chicago), I've never met anyone who thought that scheduling a wedding near a close friend's or family member was at all acceptable. I'm shocked to see that people this it's okay.

Answer 2

How the heck is them picking the same month 'disregarding your plans and dreams'? You dreamed of a wedding in which no one else got married in the month you selected? Um, correct me if I am wrong but I thought it was called the wedding day, not the wedding week or the wedding month... and since the majority of guests neither of you share (groom's side and bride's side), what is there to get your knickers in a knot over? Oh, I get it......you want to be the only one in your circle of friends in the wedding lime light........well, move over Cupcake and I'm telling you the ONLY one turning this into a competition is you...as long as both weddings are at least 2-3 weeks apart, so what? Afraid you won't get as many or less expensive gifts from your friends being that there are two weddings? or you might have to share friends as far as attendants are concerned...or now you can't have this friend in your bridal party since she's gonna be busy with her wedding..honestly you brides are out of control sometimes....really.

Why don't you gather up all the members in your little circle and boycott her wedding-that'll teach her to dare pick YOUR month....

You are being ridiculous.

Answer 3

I don't see the problem. As long as it's not taking place on the same day, or the day immediately before or after, what's the big deal? I assume the other couple realizes that friends that you have in common might not be able to make it to both weddings, but as long as they realize this, things should be fine.

If you don't want it to be a big wedding competition, then just don't treat it like one, and it won't be.

Answer 4

Why do you care if they get married in the same month? They have their lives to live, you have yours. It's not a contest.

Answer 5

Having it on the same month isn't really that big of a deal, at least it isn't on the same day.

It sounds like they're a little impetuous and probably competitive but don't let it worry you.  

Don't get drawn into these competitions. My husband's youngest sister eloped to Vegas so that she could beat her two older siblings in getting married.  She also beat them to being the first one divorced...in less than a year! My husband and their other sister are happily enjoying married life.

My husband's mother wanted to have her wedding in July, knowing that we'd spent all of our vacation time on our wedding in May.  She seemed offended that we wouldn't be able to make it to hers (it would have been out of state).  I told her that we could attend it if it were a week sooner or later b/c of our work schedules, but she calmly pointed out that her fiance's ex-wife's birthday was the date they chose and she wanted revenge on the woman.  Lovely, huh?

Answer 6

I would be pi**ed off. I think that is wrong or they could at least move it until another month so everything can revolve around ya'll.

Answer 7

I have been with my boyfriend for almost 8 years. One of my friends has been with her boyfriend for 4 and they got engaged last December and began planning a wedding for May 2009. My boyfriend proposed a couple months ago and we started talking about dates. Of course since we've been together so long I want to get married ASAP and would love a Spring 2009 wedding but one of the big factors for me was not having my wedding close to the same day as my friends so we chose the end of August 2009. None of my wedding things will overlap with my friends including dress shopping, etc. because I know how important this day is to her and I wouldn't want to take that away. What your friend is doing is just not right.  

Answer 8

well, in my opinion, i think u have every right to be upset abt this!!! i mean, after all, its ur big day, and u must've been dreaming abt it for a very long time! its NOT wrong to feel upset and hurt by that! and infact, they are sort of disregarding ur dreams...and even if u dint wanna compete, its only human nature for u guys to start competing! dont let their inconsideration get into the way of spoiling everything for u... jus make sure u dont share ur plans and ideas for the wedding with them.and whats done is done. all u can do now is accept it and not let it get to u and have the best wedding ever!! they'll probably come around and realize their mistake cuz they are good friends with u and since they are only TALKING about it for now.nothing is final with them right?? :-) hope all turns out well for u!! TC

Answer 9

Nope, you are not wrong.  I draw the same conclusion that you are about the friends being competitive.



They didn't want to have a wedding but they suddenly decide that they want one and then decided to set the date in the same month that they know that your wedding will be and they aren't even engaged yet.

That takes some of the focus off of you and your fiance, I certainly wouldn't do that if were supposed to be your friend.

Good luck with that, I would tell them how I feel about it.

Congratulations and good luck with your wedding too.

Answer 10

Well, first let me say that you can be engaged without an engagement ring.  If they are planning a wedding and have set a date, they are engaged.  Now, on to the main question.  If they were planning on having a wedding the same day, then you would have a reason to get upset.  However, since it is just in the same month, I honestly don't think you are justified.  They are entitled to plan their own future, it is probably not in response to your wedding plans.  I know you may find it hard to believe, but everything is not about you....    

Answer 11

It's only a big deal if you make it one.  I know two girls that I went to university with, they had been best friends since grade school, and were bridesmaids in each others weddings, which they planned 2 weeks apart.  They thought it was great to have everyone in the wedding spirit for like a whole month!

It's all in the perspective you take. If you want to be pissed off and miserable about it for the next year, then do so, but I wouldn't want to feel stressed about something like that, because you can't control it.  Maybe you should just be happy for her, and for yourself.  Can't people be happy for both of you?

Answer 12

I would be really frustrated.  Some people are blocked by time restrictions but this doesn't sound like your situation is one of those.  I know that my fiance and I argued over wedding dates because we had to get married during summer vacation and he wanted to get married at the end of May next year but one of my friends already set her wedding date for the week before he wanted it.  I said there was no way I was going to get married so close to someone else's date and we ended up setting a date about a month and a half later (still close but the earliest we could have it).  It sounds like your friends are being thoughtless if nothing else.