Shouldn't a 3 1/2 year old be feeding herself?

Question

My friend's daughter eats finger foods on her own. But if the food requires a fork or spoon, her parents feed her. Her Dad told me she drops food and makes a mess. Should they give her a bib and teach her, until she can do it on her own? I have worked in Pre-school before, the teacher had the children feeding themselves at meal times. Is it possible she may have a learning delay in a certain area of development? Help appreciated.

Answer 1

In any learning process one must tolerate "a mess" to get to success.  The first attempt at anything is "a mess".

Her father won't tolerate a mess, so he'd better be prepared to feed her, and do all those other skills that are learned latter on that are based on the skills learned in using a spoon and fork (writing, drawing, any fine motor skill).

Quite a task he's set himself.

Answer 2

Her learning disability is her parents fear of messes.  yes, a 3 1/2 year old should be feeding herself, and if her parents have never let her feed herself with a utensil, then naturally she'll still be making messes when she is given the opportunity.  Her parents need to be smacked upside the back of their heads, given some plastic drop cloths for a week and let their daughter go to town learning how to use a spoon and fork.  My 20 month old eats a lot better with her fingers, but does pretty well with a spoon.  Sure she makes a little mess - but not nearly as bad as 2 months ago when she really got interested in using a spoon.  

Again, once her parents/learning delay actually parent and let her do it herself, she'll catch on really quick (because she IS 3 1/2) and she'll be fine.  Are they going to feed her until she's married off or something?  Why on earth do her parents think doing this for her is helping her?  grrr - sorry that makes me irritated!

Answer 3

Children make mess on their way to developing certain skills, just like children make mistakes when learning the alphabet and numbers.  The parents are being too strict and restrictive, not good for their daughter at all at all

Answer 4

It sounds as if her learning delay is her parents! How can she learn to feed herself if they are afraid of her making messes? Give her a spoon and let her go at it...she'll get it. Yes, she should be feeding herself. Her parents need some parenting lessons!

Answer 5

Mom of many here, and also previous daycare worker. I have seen this, but younger ages in many kids/relatives...I just didn't get it.. the fear of mess? Or afraid of child to grow up?

Ideally, you should be letting your child handle a spoon when you start feeding them solids...so they can mouth it. but id you don't..you can seriously mess w/their whole development, speech esp.

Sure, I'll give my child a bite off fork, but let feed him??? Heck I recently got rid of all the toddler ware, and now kids are using our silverware/flatware and plastic plates/bowls w/every meal.

sure my 2yo still uses her hands/fingers on occasion.. but a 3.5 should not. It is slowing down the motor skills too.

Answer 6

It sounds to me like the parents just don't want to clean up a mess! The only way a child can learn to feed herself is to let her do it herself. It is possible that she has some fine motor delays, but learning to do it herself will help this. I have a son with Down syndrome who was feeding himself with a spoon AND fork by the time he was two years old. We just let him do it himself. A splat mat underneath her chair will help to keep the floor clean.

Tell them to get some bibs (Bibsters are great!) and give her the spoon. Also, a spoon with a thicker, curved inward handle will be easier for her to grasp, especially if she has a fine motor delay or reduced grip and the inward curve (like the ones here: http://www.baby-wise.com/product_info.ph... will help her get the spoon to her mouth more easily. If she can eat finger foods then she should be able to learn how to use a spoon quickly.

Answer 7

well thats a good question you have cuz my sister is the same age and she feeds herself....

no kid is the same some take things fast and some take it a bit slower

well you can talk to a toddler saying how its important to learn how to feed themselfs

and show her that you feed yourself...it'll take time for a young child to know all the steps

and i think it's not that she has a disabilaty or something serious like that

its just gonna take time for her to learn and its best not to compare differrent toddlers

trust me i take care of my sister and i was the one who tought her how to feed herself

so take time and show her to make the moves bcuz maybe she's just not use to it

or her parents didnt think about that

Answer 8

Yes she needs to but sometimes she needs her family to help her so she can feel more loveable.

Answer 9

kids learn and develop at different rates. This isn't as big deal ,and this isn't YOUR kid. You could take to the mom a little, maybe they tried with little success, and are waitinga  bit.

Answer 10

"Should "has nothing to do with it. Her parents have made a choice that you may not agree with but it is theirs to make. At the point at which they are ready to give her a chance to practice she'll probably be fine. All kids make a mess when they start to use utensils and some parents have a low tolerance for mess. I can assure you that sh'e unlikely to reach adulthood unable to feed herself.

Answer 11

yes she should be feeding herself and it is very likely and right on target that she will make a mess...most 3 year olds do....I have my 13 month old feed himself as he wants to and I think it is good fine motor skills for him.

Your daughter's friend should be eating on her own...most likely her parents do not want a mess...I would allow her to feed herself when she is at your home and maybe ask the parents if they want some ideas to make it less messy for them.

Suggest laying down a cut shower curtain under her seat....maybe find a full smock for them and ask if they would like to use it....also suggest smaller utensils and bowls that have a suction cup to stick to the table to start with.....

It might just also be their culture...when I worked with children many parents would feed their children and I had a 4 year old room...it is just the way they were raised and they want to continue it....I would not worry she will learn in time and it will not hurt her.

Answer 12

Mom and Dad need therapy. They're only hurting her.

Answer 13

no

Answer 14

The child needs to learn self help skills. If the parents don't allow her to make the mess while she is learning to feed herself, she will never learn how to do it right. All children make a mess while they are learning to use utensils. In my opinion the parents are hampering her growth. Even if she did have a learning disability, feeding herself at the table is still a necessary skill to master.

Answer 15

Sounds like it is time to eat dinner in the bath tub!

Her parents just don't want to clean the mess, but I am not sure why the child is letting them. My kids would be spitting the food out unless they could "do self" and be big kids.