Shouldn't my ex be my "EX" and not my "Current"?

Question

Why does everyone keep saying that my ex should "be allowed" to come to all my family holidays and all my family reunions and get togethers?

I don't get it? Every time I talk about my ex showing up at ALL my family functions people say he should have the right to be there......WHY?

Unfortunetly my family invites him to all these events. But shouldn't the relationship end when a person says it's over? I DON'T want to be around him anymore. I have told my family that. Other people say if we have kids together he should be allowed to come......WHY??

Isn't this "MY" family. There are a lot of BAD memories and when he shows up it causes pain.

Shouldn't it be MY decision if I want to be around him or not? He even had the balls to bring his new girl to my family reunion. He didn't cheat on me....I chose to end the marriage because I wasn't happy for years.

Answer 1

Your family should respect your wishes and let your family events be YOUR family events.  Tell them you are serious about wanting to enjoy your family experiences without your ex there and if they prefer his feelings over yours, perhaps you just won't go anymore.

Answer 2

I think i would confront my family and remind them exactly who the blood relative is. Its you!! And you will no longer come to any family functions or let your children attend if he is invitied. That is so tacky and rude of them to put you and your children thru that pain. I am sorry but i know my temper would get the best of me, against my family.

Answer 3

I agree, if my ex showed up at something to do with MY family, I would be PISSED and EVERYONE would know it...before me and my wife were to leave.

I wouldn't put up with this. I would tell my family that if they want to see me my kids, then they need to quit inviting my ex to OUR family functions, PERIOD, and be done with it. If they want me around, great, I expect my ex to not show up and that there be no conversations about it...if there are, or the ex shows up, me and mine are out...see yah, buh bye.

Just be cut and dry with them and if they don't like it, oh well, it is THEIR problem, not yours, that's why you are divorced.

Answer 4

I think that you need to speak with your family about this.  You to let them know that every time you see him it brings back bad memories for you.  You need to tell them to respect your feeling as person and it doesn't matter if you have kids or not these are your feelings and should be respect by your family and your X.

Answer 5

cant u understand that your family

LIKES HIM MORE THAN YOU

once u understand that things will become much easier

Answer 6

I understand where youre coming from but Im kinda on the other end. IM married to a man that was married before and his ex wife comes to all of the functions and it drives me nuts, his family invites her knowing ill be there. I just dont understand! I wish shed go away and uderstand that theyre not married anymore, but his family still sees her as a big part of their family.

Answer 7

ME Me me...what about your kids?  People say he should be there, because although divorce is awful for everyone, it's worst for the children.  They deserve to have as much normalcy as possible, and having him at family functions is one way to attain that.

You weren't happy, you got out, good for you.  I don't believe in people staying in unhappy marriages, kids or not.  But now that you've given yourself what you wanted, it's time to give your kids what they need.  

Answer 8

i think that you have every right to make your time with your family an enjoyable experience for you and your children...make sure your family knows you don't want him around and if all else fails get a restraining order

Answer 9

i say,if you are divorced from him,he is also divorced from family functions.if your family wants to continue their relationship with him,they can have him for dinner when you NOT there.if you don't have kids,you dont have to remain friends if you choose not to.

Answer 10

Don't go if they invite him. Maybe they will get the picture then.

Answer 11

if your family invites him then don t go to the party. until hes not going to be there .. good luck