Shouldn't my husband help out with the kids SOMETIMES?

Question

I know generally most mothers do more for the kids, but my husband literally does NOTHING outside of work.

He figures he works, I take care of the house and kids. Fine, but his day lasts 8 hours, then it's all me.

I'm busy the whole time he's working too, right? But once he gets home I'm still cooking, picking up, doing laundry, feeding and bathing the kids, etc.

He plays playstation and watches tv. He even yells out to me to get him a beer while I'm trying to cook dinner and watch the kids.

When I complain he tells me that he's worked all day, and without his income we have nothing. I realise his job pays for our life, but I feel that I'm doing more than my share and they're his kids too. I even do the yard work on the weekends because he won't help me out.

Am I right to think he should do more or am I being unfair?

Answer 1

A man works from sun to sun but a womans work is NEVER DONE!

Tell the bum to help you out it is his duty too,after all it took two to make the children now step up to the plate and take some responsibility.

It wont kill him to do dishes, help vacuum, watch the kids for you one day so you can have some time to yourself.And tell him to mow the lawn that should not be up to you,good lord.

Try walking in your shoes for a day and see how he likes it.

Answer 2

I had a similar problem. I fixed it by stepping up and telling him that I was disappointed with his lack of respect for our family and mostly my efforts as the family "rock". Without me he would have nothing (except his job). If he doesn't want to be a good partner and father then bugger off a so I can get on with finding someone who does. Worked a treat for me. You are the only one who really controls things in your life. Tell him he is a want in your life and not a need. It sounds to me that you could cope quite well without him if the occasion arose...

Answer 3

I would leave that useless fool!

Answer 4

I agree i think men should help out as well i do understand he has worked all day maybe you shound let him live 1 of your days and see how he copes and if it changes his attitude good luck :)

Answer 5

being a good mum is the hardest job in the world, but most rewarding. relationships are all about compramise. the washing will still be there as will the yard. i realise these and all other home duties are important but none more than the kids. i am a single dad of 4 kids under 11 so i know exactly what your saying. all you can do is ask. if that fails, do what you can but dont sacrifice time with your kids for chores all the time. they will always be there.. your kids will not. good luck

Answer 6

tell him to have a day in your life and then see how he likes it then he will help out more

Answer 7

When you complain, he tells you that he's worked all day, and without his income we have nothing. you realise his job pays for our life, but you feel that you  are doing more than your share and they're his kids too. you even do the yard work on the weekends because he won't help you at all.

Am I right to think he should do more and  you are not being unfair?

He should  ATLEAST take care of  kids positively?

Answer 8

I feel bad for you!

You husband treats you the way you allow him to. If you didn't get him a beer, he wouldn't ask. That goes for everything.

The only thing my husband will not do is clean a toilet. He loads and unloads the dishwasher when needed, throws in a load of wash if needed. He helps with dinner and the clean up. He goes grocery shopping when I do not feel like it. He always makes me a pot of coffee before he leaves for work. Basically, he respects me. He also works 12 to 14 hour days at his business. I am a SAHM to ONE who is now 14.

You need to put down your foot. Of course you are right to feel as you do.

Answer 9

Did you discuss your feelings about this BEFORE you had children? Did he say that he felt his responsibility begins and ends at providing financial security? Was he this selfish before you had children?

I have noticed that lots of women fall into the trap of imagining that when the baby arrives their selfish, no help around the house hubby will suddenly become father of the year. And it very rarely happens.

If you are honestly struggling with his obvious selfishness then you have to decide how much his help matters to you. You know your husband best. Will he help out if you set some small chores to be done each night? My hubby feeds the dogs, pooper scoops the back yard, gets rid of the rubbish and recycling and occupies the boys while I cook tea. We have come to this way of doing things by trial and error. Sure, some days I feel he could help out more, but generally he is supportive and he gives me the opportunity to take a break (like now).

If you know that your hubby won't help regardless of what you say then you can either decide you have had enough and leave or you can find a way to make life easier for you. Tell him that you know he is exhausted at the end of the day, but that you need help at the busy time at night. So either he helps out or you organise a cleaner to come in once or twice a week to help you shoulder the burden. Or you could organise a permanent night to get together with a friend once a week or fortnight and call that his "pizza night". He then has the kids and you leave and go out for tea.

You are entitled to a life and you need to have some time for you.

Good luck,

mum2MH

Answer 10

No - raising the kids is the woman's job.  He has to work all day and come home to your crappy cooking.  Maybe if you could bring him a beer quicker he could afford some time with his kids, but instead you got him watin' around all day!

Answer 11

you're absolutely right.  Maybe he can do some chores and give you an hour off everyday - after all, he gets a lunch break.  We all know a day in your shoes and he'd sleep like a rock for 3 after that.

Answer 12

You are absolutely right! My husband works too and it's a pain in the a** to get him to help out when he gets off. He also just sits in front of the t.v. and plays video games. If I nag him enough, he'll help. But I hate nagging. I finally just blew up at him one day (which i don't recommend), but it worked. He's much more willing now and he finally gets that I don't just sit around on my a** all day just because I'm at home. I don't expect him to come home and do everything, but we worked it out so that he is atleast watching our daughter while I'm cooking dinner and some nights he even cleans up the kitchen for me after dinner. Good luck, I know how u feel.

Answer 13

I do not like my husband to do dishes, laundry, or anything like that. We both work 7a.m.- 4:00p.m. When he and I get home, I start laundry, cooking, and cleaning. He will sit around for awhile and then help the kids with thier homework, bathing them, and putting them to bed. Now if I didnt work then I beleive my husband would act the same as yours. I think you being a housewife, its your responsibility to do the chores around the house and let your husband relax. Thats the way my mom and dad were. My dad worked and my mom stayed home and did everything around the house and took care of me and my brother.

Answer 14

dude, not unfair

talk to hhim bout it. If he duz it again, go to the spa

Answer 15

Yes you are right. He should do something.

Next time he 'reminds' you that his work pays for your lifestyle, remind him that you staying home to look after your kids is saving him $20,000-$30,000 per year.

Kids are work, our job goes for 24 hours a day, no holidays, no sick pay, no maternity pay/holidays, nothing.

Often they dont realise just how hard it is untill they have to do it themselves, Ask him what he would do if you just flat out refused to do all the housework, look after the kids, and get him that beer...

My sisters friend takes off to melbourne every year without the husband or the kids and goes for about a week, leaving him to deal with everything. Sounds good doesnt it?!!

Im in a similar position, i know its hard. I have threatened to leave with our son once and that worked. Not a very good plan, but a plan all the same.

You BOTH made those kids. He needs to realise that.

All the best, and good luck

Answer 16

How lame! Of course he should do more and it shouldn't be considered "helping out". They are his kids too it's just as much his responsability as it is yours. I think if you stay home then the cleaning and caring for the house is your job. The kids belong to you both and once he gets home it's up to the both of you to work as a team with the kids. You do the job of caring for the house, cooking and errands AND care for the kids while he does his job outside the home. Once he gets home it's all about the kids.

My husband works two jobs and still cares for the kids when he is home. He did it when they little and still now that they are older. in fact right now I am getting some down time while he took them all to the movies. They are his kids he wants to spend time with them. I would never tolerate what you are dealing with. I would telling him you need counseling to work this issue out if you can't see eye to eye. Don't just give in on this. HE will miss out on a lot, you are doing him a favor by getting him involved. Before you know it the kids will be grown and moved out. I've never heard any parent ever say "gosh I wish I had worked more and ignored the kids more when they were little". They will grow up and look back and they won't have good daddy memories which are so important. Try to make him see it this way.

Answer 17

You are not being unfair at all. He shouldn't use his income as an excuse for not helping you, that is really rude. Obviously he doesn't know how hard you work all day, so maybe you should let him find out. Don't do his washing for a day, don't cook his dinner, don't clean the house. See how he likes it, and if he gets fed up tell him if he wants it done, he has to help you.

He deserves a break, but you should ask him when do you get yours? Even if he came home and spent and hour just helping with the kids or doing a bit of tidying up it sounds like that would make a big difference. If he yells at you to get him a beer while you a busy, he needa a serious reality check. It is not 1952, and his children are his responsibility aswell, not to mention your marriage.

If I were you I would sit down with him and tell him how you feel and that you want change, no question about it.