Shouldn't the focus be on preventing unplanned pregnancies instead of arguing about adoption?

Question

Ok, we've all argued about the pros and cons of adoption already so let's cut that from the equation for now as that is perceived more as an 'answer' to an unplanned pregnancy and my question is what do we do to prevent unplanned pregnancies? What would give us the idyllic zero abortions and prevent the 'supply' of babies?

isn't the problem that we have too many people with unplanned pregnancies? Should we have more s*x education? teach abstinence? is it the fact that we as a society are afraid to talk about s*x? a foreign exchange student from Denmark and I were talking and she said we have higher h.s. pregnancy rates here because we treat it so taboo instead of being open about it (both in schools and families). Is talking more openly about it the answer?

Answer 1

I totally agree! I think that contraception is the main thing. abortion isnt wrong, I dont 100% disagree with it, but I think that there is too many abortions happening. to be honest though, I do think that adoption is a better option than abortion, depending on the circumstances.

The problems are underage s*x and not enough s*x education, s*x should b spoken about openly within families, so that kids are aware, but even adults should have a good knowledge of contraception too. A pregnancy should be planned with alot of care. Instead, there are people getting pregnant, regretting it then adoption a child out. Its a sad world

Answer 2

"Shouldn't the focus be on preventing unplanned pregnancies instead of arguing about adoption?"

yes and no.  

i think the focus on preventing unplanned pregnancies is a very proactive approach that i have invested a career in. i have traveled to netherlands and have worked with european researchers, to find out the best-practices used, which are reflective in their low teen fertility rates.  in addtion, a great part of my current research is working with public school boards to persuade them to modify s*x education policy to better reflect current adolescent health trends and not ideology and abstinence/adoption. so on that accord, i'm 110% on board.

yet, i do think that the current adoption industry practices and the discrimination among adoptees currently in our society deserve a voice and reform.  there are many ills adoptees face daily that can't be ignored.  and it's for those reasons that i vehemently disagree that the debate regarding adoption should cease.

ETA:

alisa--- the major issue with what you suggest-albeit very progressive--is that there are many who find that teaching kids about s*x sends a message for them to have s*x.  the difference with the dutch is that they appropriately incorporate sexuality and nudity into their children's lives from very young ages.  there isn't the over-emphais on 's*x and morality' and the other assorted sexual dogma that we hold on to in the west.  also, what you propose are policy-level changes, primarily with school boards and state legislators. and who do you think these people represent? the very same people who hold these conservative views regarding s*x.  what i'm saying is that it's an uphill battle; and you'll be surprised how many people are presently fighting the battle.

here's some websites you might find helpful:

http://www.siecus.org/school/sex_ed/s*x_...

http://www.advocatesforyouth.org/abstine...

http://www.cdc.gov/healthyYouth/

Answer 3

in america more people who are having abortions are over the age of 25 and many of them already have at least one child.  its not a matter of teaching abstinence or about birth control.  teen preganacy rates have dropped.  the overall abortion rate has dropped.

things happen.  even if you're being safe, preganacy can still happen.  and lots of times its a married couple who cannot afford to have a child, thats why they were trying to be safe in the first place.  or they have a child and didnt want a second (or third) one, or feel that their current child would suffer if there were more.

why dont we just leave it up to the people involved.  its their lives.

i dont know how we CAN have more s*x ed.  i had it from 4th to 12th grade.  every year.  and every year it was the same thing.  abstinence is the only way to prevent anything, but, if you're going to do it, this is how you can protect yourself.  come on, kids are kids, they have s*x.  even if its not when they are 13, 14, 15, its when their 18, 19, 20.  whenever.  and i dont know about everyone else, but i'm not one for waiting until marriage to have s*x.  i want to be sure that i'm 100% compatible with my S/O in all ways.  because yes, you cant be incompatible in bed, and do you want to wait until your married to find that out, and then you're stuck with it outside of divorce???

and to the person who said you should jsut be "fixed" if you dont want more kids, well i'm 26 and about to get married.  i dont want kids now, i want to wait at least 3 or 4 years.  i'm on the pill, but i can still get pregant.  my step sister did.  my aunt did twice.  it happens. i'm not going to get "fixed" because i want kids in the future.  if i were to get pregnant now, i couldnt afford to have the child.  it would put us in debt, i couldnt even afford to carry it to term.  it just isnt financially feasible.  so people think that i'm a bad person because i'd rather end the preganacy rather than have the baby and put it up for addoption and put my family into debt?  or should i just tell my fiance (or husband in 16 months) that we're never having s*x until i want a kid?  thats unrealistic.

Answer 4

I don't really have much to add to the already wonderful answers.  But the one thought I had while reading your question hasn't been covered yet from what I've seen.  My thought is that preventing unplanned pregnancies would take care of a huge part of the "problem", before a solution (i.e. adoption) is needed.  However, it won't completely eliminate the problem.  There are consenting adults who have s*x and are simply unable to care for a child.  I've met quite a few of these people on my journey.  For example, I met a woman who was happily married for 8 years, and had just given birth to a baby boy.  She and her husband, who were obviously very much in love, were together at the hospital.  Unfortunately, she had gotten hooked on heroin a few years back, and had lost their two older children, their house, jobs, etc. (the husband did not do drugs but he had spent so much time - calling in sick and whatnot - trying to take care of his wife that he ended up losing his job).  They were given six months to "get it together" before their son was put up for adoption through the state.  Eight months later, I saw their son's bulletin through our adoption agency.  This couple had a really tough choice to make.  Basically, she could go into treatment (leaving her husband for a few months), and have a chance at getting her children back...or not.  She was so deep in her addiction that she was not able to make the decision to go to treatment.  I can only hope that the aparents are willing to keep their son in touch with his parents.  They were both really wonderful people, just in a bad situation.

I apologize for going on for so long.  I've seen many situations like this.  This is one of the reasons my husband and I feel so comfortable adopting through the state.  These parents are generally GOOD people who find themselves in a bad spot and aren't able to care for these children.  We're not looking to rescue these kids from a bad situation.  We want to be a positive part of the adoption CIRCLE, which includes the biological family.

I guess the point I'm trying to make is that prevention of unplanned pregnancy will mostly eliminate the "perfect white infant" type adoptions, and maybe cut down the number of kids in foster care.  But it will not eliminate the need for adoption entirely.  So, yes, there will always be a need to focus on adoption reform.

Answer 5

Yes, I believe if people think they are old enough to be sexually active they should also be taught how to take proper precautions!  I am raising my daughters two children because she decided that she just bit off more than she could chew.  I don't think the answer is killing them when you find out you are pregnant, I think you should be taught how NOT to make them!

Answer 6

Of course, preventing unplanned pregnancies is VERY important- however, my friend- they can happen even with birth control. I know quite a few babies that were conceived when their parents were on B/C.  Abstinence is the only sure way not to become pregnant.  It seems to me though that you are almost putting adoption into the same category as abortion.  Maybe I a wrong- there are people out there that cannot have children- I AM ONE OF THEM- so adoption is always a positive for parents like us.  I am also adopted so I am very thankful that my birth mom, even though , she conceived me she placed me for adoption.    Preventing a "supply" of babies is almost like you are saying they are something that is unimportant.  ALL BABIES have a purpose no matter how they are conceived- and why people would even argue over the importance of considering adoption is beyond me- if I was a birth mom, adoption would be one of the two options I would consider to be positive- parent or place. Abortion would not even be in the equation- but to me you are placing adoption and abortion in the same category. You are right though- prevention is a great way to approach this issue- however without abstaining there is no sure way not to become pregnant- and then have to decide , if these girls cannot raise their children, if they will abort or adopt. Let me see, life or death?

Answer 7

I disagree with your premise.  If you believe the focus should be on unplanned pregnancies, then you assume adoption is a solution to a problem.  In this case, the problem is unplanned pregnancies, the solution is adoption.  I take issue with this idea.

I see adoption as a solution for unwanted children, unwanted for whatever reason.  Although it is a solution, its current construct is sub-optimal.  So let’s make it better.

The issue of unplanned pregnancies is a whole another question.  Thus, the focus in the Adoption section, should remain adoption.

Answer 8

I believe in s*x education in classrooms and with parents.  Texas has had the abstinence for a while now.  It isn't working.  We still have the second highest abortion rates and probably one of the highest pregnancy rates.  I think if a young girl is sexually active, she should be placed on birth control.  I think we need to teach young men to be responsible for their actions as well.

Answer 9

I totally agree. But there is a need for adoption as there are still going to be families who have aplanned pregnancy and realise then they cannot handle it and for those whose children are removed because of abuse/neglect.

Answer 10

In a perfect world, that would be great!  Of course, since the beginning of the human race, it hasn't been that way.  I think that better s*x education and communication could help.  However, I don't realistically believe that it would completely stop unplanned pregnancies.  There will always be those "passion of the moment" situations when a person doesn't have the necessities to help prevent pregnancy.  And, of course, the only 100% effective option is abstinence.

Answer 11

I do think preventing unplanned pregnancies is important.  (I don't know if it should be THE focus, but it certainly should be A focus.)  I have to agree with the foreign exchange student from Denmark.  Abstinence only doesn't work.  (I think talking about abstinence can be part of the conversation, but abstinence-only education is ineffective.)

I think, as a society, we do consider s*x much more taboo than we ought to.  We are happy to have our kids watch violence on television and in the movies, but show a nipple for a split second, and all chaos breaks loose.  We have our priorities screwed up, and it's going to take us a long time to fix that.  But I think it's something worth working on.

Answer 12

I still want to know why couples that are done having kids don't get 1 or both of themselves "fixed". I'm just as tired of teen abortions as I am of adult abortions. If parents talked more openly with the kids, they'd quit doing stupid stuff like s*x with underwear on ( thinking it will block sperm) or thinking they can get pregnant if a boy ejaculates in a pool they are swimming in.

Answer 13

we need more pregnancy prevention and parenting encouragement to counter the encouragement to surrender.

Answer 14

Life will find a way.  We could make every female on the planet infertile and she would evolve to make babies.  We could only produce females for centuries and she would evolve to make babies.  It is instinctual to procreate and nothing can or will stop it, planned or unplanned.  You will never get a forum of people to agree on how to reduce unplanned pregnancy anymore than you can get them to agree about adoption issues.

Look where we are as a society right this minute.  A group yelling for more s*x education.  Another group yelling to stop it and teach abstinence only.  Another group yelling that s*x discussion belong in the home and out of the schools all together.  A group thinks Family Planning Clinics are a pre-cursor to abortion.  Another thinks they are the solution to curtail abortions.  Pro-lifers vs Pro-choicers.  Talking about it isn't the answer.  The entire country is screaming about it at the top of their lungs.  I wish there was an easy answer, but other than going medieval on our fair maidens and trussing them up in iron girdles, handing the key over to their husbands on their wedding night, I don't think there is one.

PS  I've seen teens with the programmable baby dolls they are giving out in school these days.  I thought what a great idea.  It will give them a taste of the freedom they will lose.  Three out of four teens I spoke with - boys and girls told me that didn't know what all the fuss was about - feed it when it's hungry, change it when it's wet, hold it when it wants to be comforted and take it with you everywhere you want to go.  They told me you wouldn't believe how much attention I get since I've been hauling this thing around.  It's really cool.

YIKES!!!!!

Answer 15

Yes, I think so.

Answer 16

OK.  I get what you are saying, however that is not the answer.  As a teenager if your parents told you not to be friends with someone or not to date a certain boy/girl.  You would it just in spite of them.  Because as teenagers we think that we know best.  That is not the truth but we won't figure that out until we have made the mistake.  I think that the way we can help stop some of the unplanned pregnancies is by having those who have gone though it show the younger generation both the good and the bad.  Not just the bad, because again they'll be told if you do this... this will happen.  That's not the answer.  Sure we are very hush hush about s*x, but what you think that our children should learn in school may not be what I think.  The best think we can do is be truthful to our own kids.  We can't control other kids and we shouldn't try either.

Answer 17

I've been talking to my son about babies for so long, it's nothing to him. I talk about as naturally as I talk about what he ate for dinner. He's seven and we talk about marriage, children, what it takes to be a good dad and husband.... he's heard things on TV and school and we talk out all scenario's . I read my college anatomy and psychology books to him and sometimes he asks questions, sometimes he falls asleep, and sometimes he screams, "Noooooooooo, I don't want to hear about it." He's not to crazy about blood. I have told him he shouldn't drink and drive. If he ever has a drink to call for a ride or get a cab. Everything we've talked about usually comes from something he's heard from an older child or TV or WHATEVER. Nothing is taboo. Make it taboo and you make it interesting and desireable. Make it everyday talk and what's the deal? I don't think birth control has come up, but I will certainly make it available wether he says he's doing it or not. EVERYONE has s*x. I just hope I give him enough information that he makes good decisions, and I'm not talking about saving himself for marriage. That's just unrealistic and ridiculous. I'll tell him that's an option, but it's a choice. It's the most natural act in the world and we act like it is something that needs to be a big secret and stuffed into a box. I'm not raising a child, I'm raising an adult. Everyday he's getting older and smarter, not younger and dumber.

Answer 18

I know I'm an odd one - but I think our s*x ed classes need to stress exactly how often birth control fails, exactly how fertile most teenagers are, and most of all, how the purpose of s*x is reproduction.  Kids need to understand that s*x isn't just for fun - it's not a game.  Birth control can help people avoid unplanned pregnancies when having a child might be inconvenient, but wouldn't really be impossible.  For instance, a 29-year-old single professional COULD raise a baby, but she might not want to.  A couple who already has three kids CAN raise another baby, but they might not want to.  

We need to stress to our kids just what being a parent means, how much responsibility it is.  Also, I think that many of the high school programs for teen parents are only contributing to the problem.  So many girls I've seen think having a baby would be "cool".  It makes me so sad.  I'm not sure what the answer to that is - we need to have a way to take care of those babies who come up accidentally - but on the other hand, we shouldn't be making being a teen parent a comfortable or socially acceptable thing.

Maybe the thing to do is to show kids options for releasing sexual tension that doesn't involve actual intercourse....  I know this is a bit out there, but maybe it could be used.  Using hands for mutual sexual gratification, even oral s*x will at least prevent out kids from getting pregnant.  The problem is, they can still spread disease, so we have to make sure our kids know that, and try to behave in a safe manner.  I admit it's a little "out there" to give lessons like that in school - but given the options, would it be such a bad thing?  I mean, teenagers going through puberty ARE going to have sexual urges.  Trying to supress those is getting us nowhere.  Could explaining about masturbation and other sexual non-intercourse options maybe show our teens there is a "better way"?  

Maybe I think that because it worked well for me.  I was in a very heavy relationship as a semi-young teenager.  However, I believe pre-marital s*x was wrong, and my boyfriend at the time was not about to do anything that even REMOTELY might have ended up with becomming a father because that would have ruined all his plans and dreams for the future.  Thus, not having s*x was an absolute.  Still - we were teenagers, and we were in love.  We found ways to express that physically as well as emotionally.  It may mean we weren't exactly innocents anymore, but then again, I never got pregnant and didn't have to pump myself full of dangerous drugs to stay child free.  

just a thought!

Answer 19

Of course we should be.  Nobody here would argue with that.

But once an unplanned pregnancy occurs, it's a little too late, now, isn't it?